After emailing a few places, I stretched out on the bed and opened up my texts with Leo. We’d kept in touch that way a little bit, and even though I was trying to give everyone space to work through their feelings, I needed him too much right then to resist reaching out.
Thinking of you. Hope you have a good night at the hotel.
I waited a second, my heart pounding, and the little dots appeared.
Waiting for room service in my robe.
Sounds glamorous.
It’s more like sad travelling businessman. How are things at home?
Pretty much the same as they have been. I’m hiding.
Let me know if you need anything. Thinking of you.
Sweet dreams.Enjoy your room service.
I stared at the messages for a while, then finally put my phone down. Even though everything was falling apart, it helped that Leo and I were in it together. We understood each other and the guilt we were both carrying, and even just a few texts with him helped me settle down a little.
A knock on the door startled me, and I jumped to my feet. “Hi,” I said as I swung the door open.
“Can we talk?”
I joined Kai in the living room. He had a stern, sad look on his face, and he’d changed into his old pajama pants and a worn T-shirt, a definite sign that he was depressed. I tried not to let the guilt eat me up and took a seat across from him.
“I talked to Leo at the office yesterday,” he started.
I nodded and kept my mouth shut, knowing that I needed to listen.
“I’m sure you heard at work that he fired the Hank family. I couldn’t figure out why he did it. They’re our biggest client, and he worked his ass off to land them. He already knew how bad the family was, and he knew their reputation in the city. So I couldn’t figure out why he’d turn around and just throw the account in the trash like that.”
I had heard about the Hank family, although only from the other employees. Leo hadn’t told me about it yet, and I realized that it was possible he had gotten in a fight because he pushed about the movie theater for me, something I could totally see him doing.
My fault, I realized. The whole thing was my fault.
When Kai paused, I decided to answer. “He hates the Hank family,” I said, a weak defense.
“Right.” Kai leaned forward, his hands on his knees, and assessed me like we hadn’t been brothers for nearly thirty years.
“Don’t be too hard on him,” I said. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but the words came pouring out anyway, my need to defend Leo too strong. “I get that he’s done a lot to make you mad right now. I’m not saying you can’t be upset. But Leo always tried to treat me right. He’s the one who encouraged me to go to school and make my own friends, and he insisted that I only hook up with him once a week. I would have had so much more sex if—”
Kai winced and turned away, and I cursed under my breath.
Damn it, I was not selling the way I needed to.
“Even the Hank thing was kind of my fault,” I continued, talking fast as though I could force him to hear the truth if I only got it all out. “They were going to buy the theater down the street, the one Leo and I go to, and I asked him to say something to them to stop it from happening.” I clenched my fist and held Kai’s eye, summoning the full force of our connection to each other as I prayed he would understand I meant it.
It’s me. Listen to me. Trust me. Please.
“If you’re going to blame anyone, blame me,” I finished, exhausted by my outburst, and I slumped back against the couch, defeated. “I’m the one that came on to him in the first place anyway.”
The look in Kai’s eyes eased from anger into something more like hurt. “I’m sad you lied to me. And I’m sad you lived in my condo and didn’t respect the things I asked of you.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I really am. At first it was easy to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal. I thought we’d just hook up once and then never again.” I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.
Kai laughed softly. “You thought you would just hook up once? I thought you didn’t do that.”
I pushed my hair back. “I still don’t,” I said, only a little smug. “But I thought, since I wasn’t in love with Leo, that maybe it would work out to try something casual.”
