I’d been holding in my emotions for weeks. Not one tear. Just rage that I’d thought I had control over. Until now, not taking one single fucking day off. Not until I’d been forced to do so. What had I been required to deal with? Her. Fucking her of all people and now she had the nerve to question me as if this was some kind of game or something? I was angry. Livid.
But I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. Fighting the guilt and rage. Fighting the hatred I felt deep inside, the emotion burning into my soul with every breath I gasped, every step I took.
“Yeah, Kenzie. You hit a nerve. But not the one you’re thinking. Smokejumping is very dangerous and do you want to know just how dangerous it is?”
“How?” she whispered as she climbed off the swing.
I threw my head back, staring at the porch ceiling. “Because Will is dead, Kenzie. My brother died in my arms and because I know you’re going to ask, I’ll go ahead and admit the ugly truth, which I’ve had difficulty admitting to myself. His death was my fault. It’s my fault my brother is buried six feet under, so yeah, you were right all those years ago. Not only am I a terrible person, I’m also a killer.”
CHAPTER 8
Kenzie
No.
I was so shocked I couldn’t react quickly enough.
A swell of emotions wrapped around my heart.
No longer able to feel my legs, I gripped the wooden armrest of the swing to keep from falling, unable to think clearly.
The words he’d just uttered, the horrible admittance wasn’t possible. Their family was so close. I’d been jealous all my life, wishing I’d been born into the Beckett family. Will was jovial, always laughing. He was Stephen’s mentor. He was larger than life and Stephen took after him.
And he was dead.
Oh, my God.
“Stephen…”
When Axe slammed the front door, the sound jarring, I took a step backward, shocked by his explosive actions.
Exhaling, I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until a sob formed and escaped, the sound agonizing. I hadn’t been particularly close to his family, but in a town like Missoula, even with roughly seventy-eight thousand people, the city had always felt small. Almost everyone had heard of everyone else to some capacity.
The Becketts were well known; both Carter and Caroline, mother and father in the medical field, were pillars of the community. They gave to charities. They served the community, including when patients had no money to pay their bills, which was another reason they weren’t wealthy. I’d been invited to spend time with the family several times. I’d even been to a picnic at their house since their sister, Kimberly, had been in my class.
How had Will died? His older brother. The two of them had been so close. I couldn’t move, continued to have difficulty breathing as tears formed. Nothing was making any sense, including the garbled thoughts in my mind.
I’d sensed something was terribly wrong. Axe was a different man. The light in his eyes, the joy he’d had in just living had faded, his sadness overwhelming.
I took another deep breath, trying to control my emotions. The last thing he needed was me pestering him. But I had to at least set things right. I grabbed the bottle of booze, debating what to say to him
As quietly as possible, I opened the door, heading inside, easily finding him in the kitchen. He stood by the window with hispalms on the counter, staring out at the afternoon sky, although I could tell he wasn’t registering what he was looking at.
He seemed to sense my presence, sighing the moment I walked into the kitchen. I wasn’t certain what to say. I’d never been very good at consoling anyone. Maybe because I’d never lost anyone close to me. Even my grandparents were still alive.
I moved closer to the kitchen island, placing my drink and the bottle on the counter. “I’m so sorry, Stephen.”
“Axe. My fucking name is Axe.”
“Axe,” I repeated, sensing he was on the very edge, fighting anger and despair. He wouldn’t look at me. “You’re not a terrible person or a killer. You’re kind and loving, you care about your family.”
His laugh was so bitter, so full of anger. “You didn’t know me then and you certainly don’t know me now, lady.”
“I know enough to realize how much you’re hurting,” I tossed back. Damn him for shutting me out. “I’m truly sorry about your brother. I had no idea. No one told me anything about it. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“Hell fucking no.” The hateful barb was difficult to bear.
A flash of pain tore through me, but we weren’t close. In fact, I was invading his privacy, yet I was here and according to him, not going anywhere for a while.
