Oh, good play. I’m definitely not ready to talk about… that.
“What do you do for a living?”
Harper’s nose wrinkles. “I’m a data analyst for a marketing firm, like figuring out trends and stuff for their campaigns. It works out well… ’cause I get to work from home.”
“The dream,” I say honestly. God, I wish I could just stay home and not see people for weeks. I think that would cure me.
Harper glances up at me from under his eyelashes. “You don’t like being a rockstar?”
“I fucking hate it.”
“Then why do you do it?”
And isn’t that the million-dollar question. “I don’t know anymore.”
Jackson ambles into the kitchen with eyes only for Harper. If Benji looks at me like that, then I’m fucked, because the love radiating from Jackson could power the earth for millennia.
“Time to go home,” Jackson says softly.
“You’re not the boss of me,” Harper quips. The two have a small staredown, before Harper flushes and looks my way. “I’ll see you later. Next time you have to sing so I can prove it’s actually you that does it on stage.”
Harper and Jackson disappear out the door, but not before Jackson wraps an arm around Harper’s shoulder, and the other man cuddles into his side. They’re cute.
“Ready for some sleep?” Benji asks as he steps between my thighs.
“I slept the entire way here.”
Benji cups my face in his palms, thumbs swiping gently under my eyes. “We can sleep some more. Let’s go see our new suite for the next few… well, however many weeks or months.”
I helplessly lean against his hold until I can press my forehead to his. “I’m scared. They’re all going to think I’m weak.”
Benji shakes his head. “I think living with your pain shows the opposite. You’re being brave by getting help, by staying with me.”
I nod gently and turn my head to press a kiss to his palm. Benji lets go of my face to wrap his arms around my middle, giving me a firm, tight hug that releases all those icky feelings from my body.
“Come on,” Benji whispers against my ear.
He helps me down from the island, hands hot on my slim hips. Hooking one thumb into my belt loop, he guides me back toward the front door. Trevor and Beau are outside chatting with Colby and Eli as the sun finally dips below the horizon. The land dotted with trees in front of us glows with the dying light and I take a deep breath of the chilled fresh air that smells sweet, like citrus and jasmine blooms.
Benji tugs me toward the three-car garage, the mother-in-law suite waiting for us above it. Thank God. I didn’t feel like talking anymore.
The suite is quaint and charming. My heart clenches in my chest with how much it reminds me of my grandmother. A small balcony in the back faces the forest to the other side of Colby’s property.
I stand rooted at the back door as Benji pokes around the various rooms. Satisfied with whatever he found, he comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arm around my neck and tugging me against his body.
“Can I be good to you tonight?” Benji whispers, voice small and tired.
I turn around in his arms to face him, our noses barely touching. “Why?”
“I…” He trails off as he raises his hand to cup my face, fingers curling behind my ear. His eyes close tight on a hushed sigh. “I keep thinking about you on that balcony…”
And I feel like shit all over again as tears gather in Benji’s eyes. My pulse pounds, and a sinking feeling fills the pit of my stomach. I’ve hurt him so much. I’ve scared him, proving that my assholery knows no bounds. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him with every ounce of longing in my bones. He lays me down on the bed and slowly, ever so slowly, takes me apart and puts me back together, and I let him because I feel the most alive under Benji’s tender caretaking.
The ghosts don’t seem nearly as scary when he holds me as I fall asleep.
The sun is unfairlybright in the sky as Benji drives us downtown. My heart feels like it could beat out of my chest. Fear of the unknown has always been difficult for me. I like predictability, I like order, I like knowing I’m in control. Trying to fix whatever is wrong with my brain is so far out of my control that it feels like my world is spinning too fast and like I might get thrown off despite Benji’s harried attempts to keep me chained to the ground.
Sweat dots the back of my neck when Benji parks the borrowed truck in front of a large brick medical building. I lean forward to stare up at the fourth floor, where I know a shrink is waiting for me.
