“I’m always good,” I reply haughtily.
Benji’s smile quirks up just a little, that smile that I love so much. When the corners of his eyes wrinkle from a smile, it means I’m being particularly amusing but simultaneously difficult. My favorite smile. The rest of the group wander in with laughter following them in their wake. Colby and Beau head for the kitchen and the clatter of cutlery echoes around us as they prepare our dinner.
Benji kisses my cheek, then takes the seat at the other side of me. His hand wraps around the nape of my neck and squeezes, making everything just a little less anxiety-inducing from his touch alone. Fairy lights twinkle from the back porch as the sun dips lower, just barely hanging on above the horizon.
Beau quietly returns to the table, his big arms laden with plates. I watch as he first lovingly places a plate in front of Trevor, a blush rising on his cheeks when Trevor smirks up at him. Barf city. Kindly placing a plate in front of me, Beau places the next plate down in front of Harper, then ruffles Harper’sbeautiful red hair with a teasing smile. The man only chuckles when Harper scowls up at him.
Everyone’s quiet as they dig in, but I push it around with my spoon for a few moments, instead focusing on watching everyone around the table. Once it appears no one is going to stare at me as they eat, I carefully lean forward and take a small bite. Jesus. The heavenly mixture is warm and thick, and the vegetables and chicken are melt-in-my-mouth soft.
All I can focus on is Benji’s hand still a firm weight on my neck and the warmth that pools in my belly with each heaping spoonful. By the time I clear my plate, everyone is staring at me.
“Do you want some more?” Trevor asks quietly, gaze as shrewd as ever.
Feeling outside of my body, I just nod. Trevor leans across the table to grab my plate with a smile, and he squeezes Beau’s shoulder before heading to the kitchen to get me more.
Colby leans back in his chair, crossing his broad arms over his chest. “We’ve set up the guest suite over the garage for you but there are some conditions.”
Benji squeezes my neck hard. “Conditions?”
Trevor sets another heaping plate down in front of me and I heartily dig in as Benji talks shop with Colby.
“I have a friend that’s a psychologist in Orlando, Nolan will go to see her weekly. We’ll have dinner together every evening. You'll keep and clean the suite.” Colby swallows roughly and his gaze pings toward where I’m seated with my head bowed eating. “This is a soft place to land and nobody in this town will tell reporters, if we ask them. But I can’t guarantee they won’t bother you.”
I shrug. “I’m used to it.”
Benji’s hand squeezes my neck again before his fingers tangle in my hair. “How soon can the psychologist see him?”
“Tomorrow,” Colby says with an air of finality. “If Nolan wants.”
“I have to do something if I don’t want to kill myself,” I mumble as I push my plate away.
“Do you want to die?” Trevor asks, voice devoid of all emotion.
I look over at him, hardly able to recognize him since I last saw him over a year ago. There’s a healthy glow about him, a slight flush to his cheeks, and he’s put on a bit of weight, too. This place has been good to him, and I weirdly wonder if it could be good for me too. If I let it. Suppose I don’t let the monsters inside my head win.
“I just want to feel like I belong to myself.”
Harper pushes his arm against mine. “I get you. Do you want dessert while they all plan your life out for you? Jackson got cupcakes.” Harper stands from the table with a flourish and points at Jackson. “Stay.”
Jackson stays, but grins brightly at Harper’s back as he walks toward the kitchen. I tug out of Benji’s firm grip and push away from the table, heading in Harper’s direction. The man is already leaning over a box full of cupcakes, eyes seemingly set on the sole chocolate one.
“Score.” He carefully unwraps it and takes a bite, eyes rolling into his head. “So good. Sorry, the chocolate one is always mine.” His gaze flicks over my face for a few moments, before he smirks. “You seem like a red velvet guy anyway.”
Okay, fuck him, I do like red velvet. But now I don’t want to admit it.
“Definitely more of a carrot cake guy,” I say.
Harper rolls his eyes while handing me a red velvet cupcake. “Liar.”
“So you and Jackson…”
Harper blushes slightly as he fiddles with his cupcake wrapper, intently focusing on the remaining treat in his hand. He clears his throat slightly. “Yes, for a couple of months now. He says he loves me.”
The wording catches my attention. I finish off my own cupcake, licking at my fingers while jumping up to sit on the island. I glance behind me to see Benji intently watching me and I smirk at him before letting my gaze fall back on Harper.
“He seems absolutely besotted,” I point out.
The flush on Harper’s cheeks pinkens. “Yes, well. He looks at me the way Benji looks at you, I guess.”
