I snort softly. “Did you just compare Bes to a butterfly?”
He straightens. “So what if I did. He’s majestic.”
“Bes the Majestic certainly has a ring to it,” I acknowledge.
“All I’m saying is, give the bloke a chance, eh? I’ve never seen Bes care about anyone the way he cares about you.”
I bite the inside of my lip at the loaded compliment. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit there, Cec.”
“Good lord, I hope he doesn’t think of me that way; we’d have bigger problems,” he says, grinning. “Besides, he’s family—he has no choice but to care about me.”
“We both know from experience that’s not always true.”
He releases a sad, solitary laugh. “Fair enough.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, and he loops his arm around me, his touch comforting.Why can’t I be attracted to Cec instead of Bes?Cec is uncomplicated: he’s easy enough to read, doesn’t take anything too seriously, sweet but has no problem keeping up with my quick jabs. By all accounts, Ishouldbe attracted to him.
And yet, what draws me to Besishis complications. He’s kind too, in his own way. And though he doesn’t engage as much in the exchange of barbs as Cec does, I know it’s because he chooses not to, not because he’s incapable.
As much as I wish I could feel about Cec the way I do about Bes, I don’t. There’s an unquestionable pull towards Bes, one I’ve never experienced before and one I couldn’t explain if I tried. And I have no idea if I’ve pushed him away for good.
“Thanks for being here, Cec. And for agreeing to go along with my suicidal plan.” I remove my head from his shoulder, remaining close. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
“Not trapped in this place, apparently.”
I pull away to glare at him. “You know that’s not your fault. You were following your father’s ordersafterhe purposefully hid his true intentions from you.”
He pinches his forehead. “And yet, I knew better than to have trusted him. I wanted so desperately to believe his intentions were good, I didn’t think throughwhyhe wanted you here. If I’d questioned—”
I place my hand over his. “Stop it. You can’t take the blame for your father’s decisions. I won’t allow it.”
He grins. “Only if you admit you overreacted last night.”
I groan.Why does he always have to be so damned insightful?“It’s… complicated.”
He gets to his feet slowly. “It’s not, actually. You have a temper and you’re a bit of a brat. And for some ungodly reason, Bes doesn’t seem to care about any of that. You fancy him, he fancies you. Why not go for it?”
I grimace at his words, and the ones I’m about to say. “First of all, that hurt my feelings. Second, I haven’t ‘gone for it’ because I don’t like opening myself up to people.” I breathe in sharply before my next words. “I—I want him too much. And it scares me.”
His lips tip up on one side. “Have you ever considered telling him how you feel?”
I roll my eyes. “You know, surprisingly, that has crossed my feeble mind.”
He grins. “Well, lucky for you, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to fruitlessly pine after him once you’re a part of the order.”
“Right. That.” My shoulders sink at the reminder. “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do? Despite the order’s blood-stained history and the blatant stealing of artifacts, I don’t mind sticking around to finish what I started. It’s the tattooing of ancient powerful leaves into my skin and pledging the rest of my life to them that gives me pause.”
“I wish there was, Hawkins, but it’s been decided.” He runs a hand through his wild hair. “You’ve already taken the blood oath, but my father won’t rest until there’s a Fiore back in the ranks. Even if you ran, they’d find you and bring you back here. Or they’d… take care of you.”
“Like they took care of my mother?”
His cheeks redden slightly. “Unfortunately, yes. She wasn’t the first, and she won’t be the last. You shouldn’t have to suffer her same fate.”
I clench the fabric of my pants between my fingers. “Well, we can agree on that, at least.”
“Get some rest, Hawkins.” He places a hand on my shoulder. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
I salute him. “Aye aye, captain.”
