He shakes his head and shuts the door behind him as he leaves.
Grabbing the key from the bedside table, I make sure to lock the door.
I extinguish all the oil lamps, until the only light left is the half-melted candle beside the bed. Stripping down to my undergarments, I sift through my bag for one of the two vials I have left of my sleeping draft and crawl beneath the covers.
Before I send myself to oblivion, though, I think about what Cec said. He was right: getting angry at Bes wasn’t rational—even in the moment, I knew it was wrong. It doesn’t make what I felt at the time any less. Not when I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of one of the few people who could breakme. He then called what we did nothing important, which he shouldn’t have said. No matter if it was a lie in the name of forcing Cec to leave.
I can’t minimize my past feelings if they felt right at the time. Even if they feel wrong later. But, if they do, I need to apologize to whoever those feelings may have hurt.Another thing I’m terrible at.
I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance to talk to Bes about it—or if I’ll be ready when the opportunity presents itself again—but I can’t leave it the way I did.
Mind humming too loud, I down the contents, blow out the candle, and wait for sleep to take me.
Dressed in an outfit similar to the one I had on when I landed in Cairo, I quietly leave my room in the early morning.
I fiddle with my nonna’s ring on my pointer finger. This is the second time I’ve put it on since Cec handed it to me in Cairo. It feels strange, like it doesn’t belong. I felt the same way about the amulet at first, though, and now I can’t imagine taking it off.
Patting my pocket, I feel for my father’s switchblade. Satisfied, I tug on the gun holster around my thigh, the Derringer tucked inside and two bullets already in the chamber. I check my watch, hoping Nonna is getting a good night’s rest, wondering what she’s going to make for her early-morning snack in a couple hours.
God, I miss her.She kept so much from me, but she was both bound by the blood oath, and wrapped up in the pain of losing her only daughter. If I ever get the chance, I’m going to yell at her and then instantly commiserate with her.
The pack across my back weighs on me. Once I dressed fully, I repacked it, dumping out everything—including Claude’s Luger—but my sleep aide first. Not that I couldn’t use another gun, butit still holds the memory of my killing him with it. And I can’t have that hanging over my head—not now.
I took the rest of the clean clothes from my suitcase, along with a couple of items I’ve grown fond of from the armoire. Rolling them and pressing them tight into the bottom of my bag, I packed in all I could until it was three-quarters full. I then added the simple first-aid kit I brought with me and the miniature crossbow with its arrows.
I’m not sure what this mission will bring, but I need to be prepared for another adventure.
Turning down the hall, I run into someone—thankfully, it’s Bes. He wears a cream button-up and dark brown pants, his glasses flickering in the torchlight.Was he coming to wake me?A knock on my door earlier did that, though I have no idea who it was—I imagine it was Cec, or perhaps Anders.
“Miss Hawkins,” is all he says, his voice deep. Dejection poisons his words, even as he tries to disguise it.
I speak past the pang in my chest. “Bes.”
When his tired gaze shifts up to my hair, I realize I haven’t done a thing with it. At this stage, it probably resembles a rat’s nest. I smooth it down enough to pull it into a messy ponytail with the strap on my wrist.
“You look well,” he offers after a moment.
I grip the straps of my pack and tighten my hold. “I feel like vomit warmed over, but I appreciate you trying to cheer me up.”
His gaze cuts deep. Does he know what I’m thinking? That I’m sorry for getting so angry at him, that I wish I could go back to that moment and do things differently? That I miss his touch?
I look up and down the corridor. “Where’s Cec?”
“Paying a visit to the lavatory. You’ll have to settle for me.”
“I’m never settling for you,” I say truthfully, taking a risk and stepping into his space.
His shoulders fall from his ears, and his jaw visibly unclenches. “Ah, a compliment. It warms the heart to hear it.”
This close to him, my pulse hurtles around inside my body, reliving the moment in the Archives before we were interrupted. I have a hasty compulsion to reach out for him. He glances away from me but doesn’t move.
Maybe I should apologize to him now, before something—
“There you two are,” Cec disturbs us once again.
I glance over Bes’s shoulder, feeling both relief and disappointment at the interruption.
“Yes, we were just talking about you.”
