I swallow around the lump that’s formed in my throat. “He got you pregnant? But I thought there was no DNA?”
Blake raises an eyebrow. “Hugh used a condom.”
“So how did you get pregnant? Was it after? Did you sleep with someone else?” I feel sick to my stomach. I really can’t take much more. I’m balancing on the edge of a knife as it is.
“I honestly wonder sometimes how you managed to become one of the top lawyers in the country.” She rolls her eyes, and I’m beginning to sense I’m missing something here.
The thing is, most people think I’m dense or stupid, but I’m not. I’m juggling so much at once that I forget things. The trauma drive mode is fully activated, meaning if I’m not creating something, whether it’s a new client or a new case, I wallow in self-pity, and my mood dips. So yeah, my mind is a very busy fucking place.
“My baby… my son is…ourson.” She says the words slowly, but it takes a minute for my brain to engage fully.
“Ourson? As in me? I’m the dad? I have a child I knew nothing about?” I’m rambling, spiraling, unable to comprehend what she’s saying. It would be easier to understand if she’d just punched me.
“Yes, Theo,” she says with a sigh. “By the time I realized I was pregnant, you were long gone, and I was dealing with everything Hugh had done—court hearings, prenatal appointments, and school. I didn’t know what I was doing half the time.” She huffs out a laugh. “God, I’d hoped with my entire soul the baby didn’t belong to Hugh, and thankfully, he didn’t. I obsessed over my period dates, got dating scans, and everything pointed to you being the father.” She pauses, tears welling in her eyes as she smiles. “The relief I felt when I saw my beautiful boy for the first time was overwhelming, especially when he opened his eyes and there was no denying he was yours.”
“How old is he? What’s his name?” I choke out. My heart squeezes like a vice in my chest. I’m a dad?
Blake’s face lights up, her eyes softening and filling with love. “His name is Oscar, and he’s nine. His birthday is next month.”
“Little dude,” I whisper to myself in awe. I knew there was something different about him from the moment I met him.
“He told me he met you in his office.” She nods to herself before chuckling, “He said you have the best Transformers collection he’s ever seen.”
I can’t seem to get past the fact that I have a kid. Me? The emotionally unstable man-child. Fucking hell.
“I want to see him again,” I mumble.
“We can do that, Theo. I’m not going to keep him from you. What I do ask is that you take it at my pace.” She holds up her hand when I go to interrupt. “I know this is all a lot to take in, but Oscar and I have been on our own for a long time, and I need to ease him into it. He’s incredibly mature for his age, but I don’t want to overload him. I’veprotected him this far, and I’ll continue to do so. All I’m asking is that we take this slow. Get to know him first, and when he’s ready, we tell him… together. That’s non-negotiable.”
As much as I want to barrel into Oscar’s life and demand to be his dad, I know what Blake’s saying is right. I have to take it at his pace and not scare him off.
“Okay. I agree to your terms. How do we do it?”
“Well, you’ve already met him at the office… I can bring him there? It’s not ideal, but it’s a neutral ground to start with. Most people don’t know I have a child though. I didn’t want anyone looking at me weirdly.”
She’s rambling, and I’m not sure whether I find it adorable or not. There’s still a lot to unpack with my feelings toward her, but I do know that I want to be in my son’s life.
Fuck. My son.
I have a son.
What if he hates me? Doesn’t want anything to do with me? What if I’ve passed my mental health issues onto him and fucked the poor kid up for life?
Oh god. I can’t do this.
“Breathe, Theo,” a voice says, and the warm touch of Blake’s hand on my cheek brings me out of my internal freakout.
“I have a son?” I ask, amazed. “What if he hates me?” I voice my concerns out loud because this isn’t about me anymore.
“Yes, you have a son.” Blake nods. “And he won’t hate you. I’ve done my best, but he’s excited to meet you… properly, I mean.”
“What did you tell him?” It hasn’t gone unnoticed that her hands are still on my face, that she’s so close I can smell the whiskey on her breath, but I just don’t care. I don’t want her to stop touching me. Idon’t want her to take the warmth away. I need her like I need oxygen right now.
“That you were overseas for work.” She blushes, eyes darting away.
“I guess that lie won’t last for much longer, huh?” I chuckle.
“No,” she agrees quietly before noticing she’s still close to me. She drops her hands and draws back.
