I have to stop the urge to reach for her and haul her back into my arms, just to give me the comfort I’m so desperately craving. I might have to visit Caleb and Lauren again.
“This is all so fucked,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair.
Blake laughs. “You can say that again.” Her face becomes serious as she adds, “I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to tell you. I should have. For him and for you.”
“I don’t blame you, firefly. You were in a shitty situation at the time and did the best you could. From what I saw of him, he’s a healthy, well-looked-after kid. I can’t ask for more than that. Am I upset I missed out on his life? That I never got to hear his first words? Or see him walk for the first time or be at his first day at kindergarten? Of course. But I understand. Igetit, Blake, and I’m not mad. I mean, I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling right now, but I’m definitely not mad.”
She visibly relaxes, the tension leaving her body on an exhale of air, and I know I’ve said the right thing, absolved her of the guilt she’s been carrying around.
“Where is he tonight?”
“He’s with Mrs. Mitchell.” I raise an eyebrow, and she rushes to add, “Our next-door neighbor. She’s been helping me with Oscar while I work.”
“A conversation for another day, but I’d like to help with childcare.”
“I don’t need your money, Theo,” she says defensively, crossing her arms over her chest.
“What was it you once said to me, firefly?” I tease, placing a finger to my lips. “Ah, yes, ‘tough, you’ve got it.’ But alas, that’s not what I meant. I’ll be paying child support, and you’ll get a backdated payment for the last nine years of his life, but I want to look after him. Be a childcare option.” I shrug and shove my hands in my pockets, suddenly self-conscious that she’ll tell me no.
Blake blinks twice, staring at me in disbelief before saying, “I want you to be a childcare option, too, but… once Oscar gets to know you more.”
“Deal.”
“So, I’m going to assume we’re not going to Habitat now?” She chuckles awkwardly.
“I think after everything we’ve just been through, we both need a bit of space to let it sink in.”
She nods, biting her bottom lip again before a worried expression crosses her face. “Theo?”
“Yeah?”
“You're not going to take him from me, are you? I know we don’t have the best relationship, and trust has been broken between us, but that’s my baby. My lifeline. Please don’t try and take him from me,” she whispers, tears filling her eyes.
I reach for her and tug her close. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I can feel the large inhale she takes. “Oh, firefly.” I sigh, putting my head on top of hers and squeezing tighter. “No, I’m not going to take him from you, I promise. Yes, he’s my son, but you’re his mother. Sometimes I think that’s more important than the role I play.” I chuckle, then tilt her chin to face me. “I’d like for us to co-parent, that’s all. I’ll take my cues from you. All I ask in return is that youkeep me in the loop with any changes or if you need something.” I look pointedly at her. “Either of you.”
“Okay,” she breathes out, nuzzling into my hand. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it, but I don’t stop her. In fact, I enjoy it more than I should allow myself to. “I'd better get going.”
I nod as I reach for my phone to call a cab. Blake grabs her discarded jacket and bag from the entrance before I walk her to the elevator.
“We’ll figure this all out,” I tell her with as much conviction as I can manage.
She gives me a small smile, one that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I stand there, gaze locked to hers, hands in my pockets, leaning against the frame until the doors close. Once she’s out of sight, the dust begins to settle, and I feel out of my depth.
“Fuck!”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
THEO
Erm, hypothetically speaking, what does one do if they just found out they have a kid they didn’t know about?
Noah
The fact you’re asking this question, Theo, makes me very concerned about how you passed the bar.
Ha, ha. I said hypothetically,didn’t I?
Caleb
