“Just the season? You’re sure?”
“Yes,” I said, blowing out an exasperated breath. “It’s what we agreed on.”
“Attachments happen. Things change.” She reached under the table to squeeze my knee. “All I want is for mykids to be happy. Gary is—or at least he seems to be over video.”
A chuckle escaped me as I nodded.
“I’m glad you’re back and close by. And I know you’re doing this with the best of intentions for your friend before anything else. But when you realize it’s time to walk away, promise me you will.”
“Yes.” I nodded, scooting closer to the table. “I promise, if I can’t handle it, I’ll crash on your sofa bed again before I find a real place to live.” I kissed her temple. “I’m off. I won’t be back too late.”
Mom grabbed my wrist and kissed the top of my hand.
“I love you, Stella Bella. You deserve all the great things. I hope one day you’ll believe that.”
I rolled my eyes at my father’s old nickname for me. My father had made me promise him I’d be happy before he’d passed away.
I’d failed, but at least I was trying now.
“I love you too, Mom. Stop worrying. You’ll be distracted at bingo later.”
Her mouth curved before I turned to leave. I often wondered what my father would think of Gary and me now. He’d be proud of both of us but probably worried about me. Gary at least had goals and an open heart. I was a nomad who made a living fixing problems, when I had no clue how to fix myself.
Loss and disappointment were terrible excuses for settling for a life of simplygood enough, and it was time to stop.
As I pulled up in front of Lee’s house, nostalgia barreled over me, stealing some of the air from my lungs. The visceral reaction to being on his block again wasn’t only from old feelings for Lee.
Our other friends hadn’t known how to handle us after we’d lost Dad. My brother had withdrawn from everything, quitting the football team and confusing his friends, most of whom had had good intentions when they’d pushed him to come back.
My friends had been sympathetic but didn’t understand why I’d run off at a moment’s notice, bursting into tears in the girls’ bathroom at school, trying to ease the ache in my chest enough to breathe and get back to class.
We’d spend hours in Lee’s basement, lounging around watching movies, talking about our fathers, usually without actually mentioning either of them by name. Once the haze of new grief had cleared, I’d lived for those afternoons.
My cheeks would hurt from smiling and laughing after swearing I’d never do either ever again.
We’d all healed together, and no matter what heartbreak loving Lee had caused me after that, Gary and I wouldn’t have survived without him and the safe space he’d given to us.
“I was getting worried about you,” Lee said, coming over to my car after I’d parked.
“Sorry, my mother was extra chatty before I left.” I smiled, trying to shake off her warning—or at least get it to stop echoing in my head.
“It’s a little surreal to be here,” I told him while I followed him to his front door. “I feel like I grew up in your basement.”
“We all did.” Lee chuckled, low and throaty and very unhelpful. “Bennie and I hang out there sometimes. I’ll show you after dinner.”
“Maybe I’ll kick your ass in Trouble again for old times’ sake.”
“Or you can scream and jump out of your skin during Operation.” The corner of his mouth kicked up.
“That’s because you and Gary would scare me when I was trying to concentrate.” I jabbed his arm while he laughed.
“I hope pizza is okay. My mother wanted to make you baked ziti, but she can’t really cook the big stuff anymore,” he said, his smile fading as he motioned for me to climb the stairs in front of him. “The arthritis in her hands limits her a lot, and she hates that.”
Our parents having us later in life was another thing we’d all had in common. Gary and I were in our thirties, but our parents had been close to forty when we’d been born. My mother seemed to age at a faster pace with each passing year. It was hard to see and even harder to face.
My father remained young in my mind, strong and handsome, until illness had made him too weak to get out of bed.
“My daughter is thrilled someone else on the planet likes mushrooms on their pizza too.”
