“I don’t want to bring a kid into the world if I know they won’t be my top priority.” I shrug. “I know what it’s like to feel likean outsider in your own home, and I don’t want my kid to ever question their worth.”
“We made you feel unworthy?” There’s a distance in his voice.
“I guess. I don’t know, Dad. All I know is that hearing your mom tell your dad that she didn’t want you really makes you rethink a lot of your life. I’ve never craved motherhood, and maybe it stems from the fact that you guys were so distant when I was younger.”
I scratch the side of my neck, my eyes focusing on the empty popcorn bowl in front of me.
“Or maybe it’s never been in the cards for me. I remember Brinley always talking about her future wedding when we were younger and how many kids she wanted. She had everything planned out, even to the smallest details. And I didn’t. I didn’t care like she did.”
“But Fletcher knows you don’t want kids?”
“That’s been the confusing part of our relationship. I never thought about the fact that he might want kids, and then right before his nephew was born, it came up, and he told me he would be okay not having a family, but—”
“You don’t think he’s telling you the truth.”
“I think, he thinks, he’s telling me the truth. But I see it in his eyes.”
“That’s why you came home.”
“Maybe. I just needed some time to think.”
I spent a lot of time sitting by our tree today, thinking about how when he carved my initials into it, it was as if he were carving our story into that tree. Building on what I started many years ago.
I never thought this is where our story would lead us—this standstill.
“Don’t pull away, Tate.” My dad reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “He was your best friend before he was your boyfriend. Don’t pull away and lose both.”
He gives me a sad smile before grabbing the two bowls and the rest of the Raisinets and bringing them to the kitchen. Leaving me with just his parting thoughts—
Don’t pull away and lose both.
forty-six
Tate
Ithought I might find you here.”
I glance over my shoulder as Fletcher walks down the stairs from his deck and over to where I’m sitting on my blanket. I put my guitar down and tuck my legs into my chest.
“Hey.”
He leans down and kisses the top of my head before sitting across from me on the blanket.
“Are you okay?” I don’t need to look at him to see the worry in his eyes. I don’t blame him for being worried. I’ve been distant. I’ve been avoiding him while being with him… which doesn’t even make sense, but I have.
“I don’t know, Fletch.” I try to fight the frown pulling at my lips, but I can’t. “If I’m being honest, I have no idea.”
“Tate,” he scoots closer to me, “what’s going on?”
“I saw you last weekend.” I bite my bottom lip, holding back my tears as his face twists with confusion.
“I was withyouthat weekend.” He huffs a laugh as if I were accusing him of cheating on me.
I wasn’t.
I guess I understand how it sounded that way. Honestly, that would make this easier. It would make it a hell of a lot easier.
“I know.” I pick at the skin around my fingernails, slightly drawing blood. I let out a shaky breath and then finally met his eyes. “I love you, Fletcher. You know that, right? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. More than I thought possible.”
