We talked.
I told him about the videos I’ve been posting and how great the feedback has been. I also talked about the new friends who have come into my life this year, and at some point, we got onto the topic of Fletcher.
And that’s when it hit me that I never told my parents we were dating. I guess it’s not something I have to do; I’m a grown-up, but most people share that part of their lives with their families.
“So, you’ve been seeing each other since February?”
“Yup.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“I always thought that would happen. You two have been attached at the hip since the day we moved into this house.”
I don’t bother telling him that it wasn’t Fletcher that had me over at his house most hours of the day, but the fact that his house actually felt like ahome. Because, in all honesty, it eventually became about spending time with Fletcher.
“Yeah, I guess everyone was waiting for it.”
“And it’s going well.”
My face twists with confusion. It is going well, but it’s also the most confusing relationship I’ve ever had.
“Uh-oh.”
“No, it’s, well, it’s not that. He’s great. I love him. I love him more than I thought humanly possible.”
“But.”
“But we want two very different things out of life, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to make it work.”
“What do you mean?”
“He wants kids. Quite a big family, actually, and I don’t.”
“Oh.” His face drops. “You don’t want kids?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“Nope.”
The silence thickens between us.
“I didn’t know that.”
“I don’t really broadcast it.”
“Why?” The question is simple, but I don’t know how to answer it without admitting that the family I was raised in shaped me in that way.
Maybe if I had parents who made having a successful career and a family look easy, things would be different. Maybe if I had parents who made sure I was their top priority while also finding time to advance in their careers, I would be different.
Or maybe I wouldn’t be.
Maybe I’m just the type of woman who doesn’t crave being a mom.
I used to think that made me a bad person, but what it really means is I’m human. And my friends made me realize it’s okay to choose a different path for myself.
