I slowed down a lil’, then reached for another bottle. “She too small right now,” I said. “I’m not takin’ her out there like that.”
Sha’Nelle looked at me for a second, and I knew she understood it wasn’t just about the baby bein’ small. It was everything tied to our hometown. It was everything I went through there. It was everything that still sat in the back of my mind even when I tried not to think about it, and on top of that, I already knew how Kay’Lo would react if I even brought it up.
“I’m just sayin’… think about it,” she said.
“I will,” I answered, even though I already knew I wasn’t ready for that.
Some time passed after that, and I found myself sittin’ in the livin’ room with My’Love in my arms, burpin’ her after breastfeedin’. Her little body pressed against me while I rubbed her back slow and listened to the soft sounds she made while she settled.
The front door opened not long after, and I looked up just as Kay’Lo walked in with Kelli behind him.
“Hey,” I said, shiftin’ My’Love just a lil’ against my shoulder.
“Hello,” Kelli replied, noddin’ at me before his eyes dropped to My’Love, and for a second, his whole face softened. He stepped a lil’ closer, not all in her space like everybody else be doin’, but enough to look at her for real, givin’ her a small smile while she rested against me like she ain’t have a care in the world.
“Hey, Ms. My’Love,” he said low, his voice calm as ever.
Kay’Lo reached his hand out, and Kelli tapped it, givin’ him a quick shake like they always did.
“I’m about to grab something from my room,” Kelli said, already startin’ to move past us. “I’ll be outside in a minute.”
“A’ight,” Kay’Lo replied, not really lookin’ away from me or the baby.
Kelli gave My’Love one last glance, noddin’ like he approved of her or somethin’, then kept it movin’ down the hall toward his room, quiet as usual.
Kay’Lo had on his suit, his tie loosened a lil’, and even though he looked good like he always did, I could tell somethin’ was sittin’ on him before he even said a word. It was in his face, in the way he moved, and in the way his energy felt off without him havin’ to say it out loud.
I mean… this trial was just draggin’ so I understood why he was always annoyed by the time he got home.
“You good?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” he said real dry.
That was all he gave me, and I knew him well enough to know that wasn’t everything, but before I could even push it, My’Love shifted in my arms and started cryin’ the second she heard his voice.
It wasn’t no soft fuss either. She went from quiet to irritated real fast, her tiny face scrunchin’ up while she let it out like she had been waitin’ on him.
Kay’Lo looked right at her. “Daddy comin’, mama,” he said low. “Let me shower and get out these clothes.”
But she wasn’t tryna hear that at all, and her cry got louder while I tried to calm her down, rockin’ her a lil’ while she moved against me.
“It’s ’cause she heard you,” I said, shakin’ my head. “Every time she hear yo’ voice she start actin’ up.”
A small smirk pulled at his mouth, and he stepped closer, leanin’ down just enough to press a kiss at the corner of her mouth while his voice dropped softer.
“A’ight, relax… I’m right here, ma.”
She quieted just a lil’, not all the way, but enough for me to see she recognized him. I sat here watchin’ him for a second longer than I probably should have, waitin’ to see if he was gon’ look at me the same way he was lookin’ at our baby. I was waitin’ to see if he was gon’ lean in and kiss me too, but he didn’t.
He straightened back up and walked off without sayin’ anything else, and I sat there for a second holdin’ my baby, feelin’ that small irritation I ain’t even realize had been buildin’ until this moment.
It wasn’t loud or dramatic, and it wasn’t somethin’ I could point to directly, but it was there. It was that space between us that hadn’t been there when I was in labor, when he was all over me, lovin’ on me, talkin’ to me, and makin’ me feel like I was the only thing on his mind.
Now it felt like everything in him had shifted toward our baby, and even though I understood it, and even though I loved seein’ him like that, there was still a part of me that felt the difference in a way I couldn’t ignore.
When he came back into the livin’ room later, he had showered and changed clothes, and I ain’t even gon’ lie, the sight of him caught me off guard a lil’.
He was shirtless with grey sweatpants hangin’ low on his hips, a short glass in his hand with brown liquor in it, and for a second my eyes dropped before I could stop myself, catchin’ his dick print through the fabric. It was thick and curved in a way that made my stomach tighten up without warnin’.
