And just that quick look alone had me sittin’ here in my feelin’s, ’cause it had been weeks on top of weeks since I felt him inside of me, and seein’ him like this, relaxed in his own skin, movin’ around like nothin’ had changed, made it hit me all over again how much I missed my husband in that way.
He set his glass down on the table and reached for My’Love without sayin’ a word, liftin’ her up in front of him while he looked at her, and she looked right back at him, her eyes open and locked on his face like she already knew exactly who he was.
“There she go,” he murmured, his voice softer now.
He leaned in and kissed her forehead, her cheek, then her lips. He was takin’ his time with her like nothin’ else mattered, and when he told her he loved her, it came out low and real in a way that made my chest feel tight.
Then he laid her against his chest, his hand spread over her back while he held her there, and just like that, she settled into her little body relaxin’ like she had found exactly where she wanted to be.
I sat there watchin’ them, takin’ it in. I watched how natural it came to him, how easy it was for him to love her, how deep it ran without him even havin’ to think about it, and it made me smile ’cause I loved that for my girl. I loved that she had Kay’Lo like this. I loved that he showed up for her in every way I knew he would.
But at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the way my heart pulled. Of course, it wasn’t out of jealousy, but out of want, ’cause I missed my man in that way, and sittin’ here watchin’ him pour all of that into our baby made me realize just how much I still needed that part of him too.
It was the middle of the night and I ain’t feel Kay’Lo in bed next to me.
At first, I ain’t even open my eyes all the way. I just reached out, slid my hand across the sheets, expectin’ to bump into him somewhere on the other side like I usually did when he got up in the middle of the night. Sometimes he’d be sittin’ up with his back against the headboard, other times he’d be on the edge of the bed rubbin’ his hands together like his mind was movin’ faster than his body could keep up, and then there was nights when he’d already be up walkin’ the room with My’Love in his arms, whisperin’ to her low.
But this time, when my hand moved across the bed, I ain’t find him nowhere, and all I felt was cold sheets where he should’ve been.
My hand just kept movin’ over cold sheets until it stopped, and that was what made my eyes finally open all the way as I blinked up at the ceilin’, lettin’ it register that he wasn’t in here at all.
I turned my head slow, lookin’ toward the other side of the room, expectin’ to see him walkin’ back and forth with our baby like he usually did, but the room was quiet, and that shit ain’t sit right with me.
That was when I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked toward the bassinet. And my heart dropped straight into my stomach when I saw it was empty.
I sat up so fast it made my head spin for a second, but I ain’t even care about that ’cause all I could think about was the fact that my baby wasn’t where she was supposed to be and Kay’Lo wasn’t in the room either.
Now I knew he would never hurt her. That wasn’t even a thought that sat right in my mind, but at the same time, I knew how he got at night, and I knew how his mind would take off on him sometimes. Even though he had been good, even though My’Love had been keepin’ him calm in ways I had never seenbefore, I still couldn’t ignore that small piece of fear that crept in anyway.
“Kay’Lo?” I called out, my voice still thick with sleep, but there was an edge to it now that I couldn’t hide, and when he ain’t answer me, that uneasy feelin’ settled in deeper than I liked.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up quick, not even botherin’ to grab nothin’ or put nothin’ on as I stepped out into the hallway. My heart started to beat faster with every second that passed.
The house was quiet at first, and just when that feelin’ started settlin’ in, I heard my baby cryin’.
It wasn’t that soft lil’ fuss she did when she was hungry or needed to be changed, but a full cry, loud and sharp that hit straight through me and made my chest tighten up instantly.
“Oh my God…” I whispered, already movin’ faster down the hall.
I ain’t even realize how fast I was goin’ until my foot slipped a lil’ and I had to catch myself on the rail, damn near twistin’ my ankle in the process, but I ain’t stop. I couldn’t stop. All I could hear was her screamin’ and my mind runnin’ ahead of me, tryna make sense of what I was walkin’ into before I even got there.
Then I heard ’Lo’s voice, low and close, like he was tryna calm her down, and the second the words reached me—“Mama… you drunk it all… daddy don’t know what else to do…”—I ain’t need nothin’ else to figure out where they was or what was goin’ on.
I followed the sound down the hall, my steps quick and uneven until I saw him.
Kay’Lo was walkin’ back and forth with My’Love in his arms, holdin’ her close to his chest while she cried into him, her little face red and her mouth open wide as she screamed like she was frustrated more than anything else.
He had the empty bottle in his hand, lookin’ down at it like it had personally failed him, then back at her like he was tryna figure out what to do next.
“Mama, I just fed you,” he muttered, his voice rough from sleep and tension at the same time. “You ain’t even leave me nothin’ to work with…”
The sight of it made all that panic I had just had fall off, and I let out a breath I ain’t even realize I had been holdin’ as I stepped toward him. I walked straight up to him and reached for my baby, and the second I had her in my arms, I pulled her close to my chest, lettin’ her feel me, and settle against me the way she always did.
“It’s okay… it’s okay, mama…” I murmured, rubbin’ her back slow while I kissed the top of her head, feelin’ her cry start to ease little by little as she pressed into me.
Her tiny fingers curled against me, her body relaxin’ just enough for me to know she was comin’ down from it, and I kept rubbin’ her, keepin’ my voice low while I rocked her gently in my arms.
“I got you… you good…” I murmured to her, keepin’ my hand movin’ over her back while she settled against me, and behind me I could feel Kay’Lo just standin’ there, quiet. Even though I knew he was right there, I ain’t turn around. I just stood for a second with my baby in my arms, lettin’ her calm down before I did anything else.
