We only talked when it came to the kids. That was it. Short, simple, straight to the point, and then she would go right back to keepin’ her distance from a nigga like I wasn’t even her husband.
I gave her space though, ’cause I ain’t wanna keep pushin’ on her when I could tell she was already in her feelins, but at thesame time, that space started feelin’ like a wall, and I ain’t like that shit at all.
I had been stayin’ out the way, movin’ around the house, not tryna run into her unless I had to, and that alone told me how deep this shit was gettin’, ’cause I ain’t never been the type to avoid my woman. Not Pluto. Not my wife. But every time I stepped in her space, I could feel that quiet tension sittin’ there between us, and I ain’t know how to fix it without makin’ it worse.
And what fucked with me the most was the way she been actin’ about this baby, like I ain’t understand where she comin’ from.
I knew she was tired. I knew her body had been through a lot these past few years, carryin’ Prestyn, then Kaylon, and now this. I wasn’t blind to the shit, but at the same time, the way she had been lookin’ at me like I did somethin’ to her every time she even thought she was pregnant… that shit hit different.
’Cause she never acted like this when be fuckin’.
She be right there with me, pullin’ me closer, holdin’ on to me, tellin’ me not to stop, and yeah… beggin’ me to nut in her like that’s exactly what she want. I ain’t never forced nothin’ on my wife. I ain’t never crossed that line with her. If anything, when she started feelin’ some type of way about me bussin’ in her, I backed off. I started pullin’ out unless she told me otherwise. I respected her, respected her body and what she needed.
So now I was sittin’ here feelin’ like she be lookin’ at me like I’m the reason she stuck in this situation, and that don’t sit right with me at all, especially when I can feel what she wasn’t sayin’ out loud. The thought of her even considerin’ an abortion hit me in a place I ain’t even like goin’ back to, and that alone had been enough to keep my head fucked up these past few days.
I already lost a baby before. I already had to stand there and deal with that shit, holdin’ somethin’ that was supposed to be mine and never got a chance to breathe. So, the thought of just… choosin’ to end my baby like it ain’t nothin’, like it ain’t life… nah. That shit ain’t sit well with me at all.
I ain’t even bother bringin’ it up, though.
I been keepin’ all that shit to myself, lettin’ it sit and lettin’ it build, ’cause every time I tried to express how I felt, it turned into somethin’ else. I even texted her one night, laid it all out, told her how I felt without raisin’ my voice or comin’ at her wrong, and she ain’t even reply.
That shit bothered me more than I let on. I had been sittin’ here tryna talk to my wife, and she just… ignored the shit like it wasn’t worth her energy.
So yeah, a nigga been stayin’ out the way.
I had been eatin’ out, movin’ different, givin’ her the space she seemed like she wanted, but that ain’t mean I was okay with it.
I stepped out on the balcony, lettin’ the air hit my chest while I leaned back in the chair with a blunt between my fingers while I looked out over my Jungle Estate. Everything was calm out here, that made it easy to just sit and think, even when I ain’t wanna do that.
The smoke hit smooth as I pulled it in and let it out slow. My eyes moved over everything I built and everything I had, but my mind kept driftin’ back to my wife no matter how much I tried to focus on somethin’ else. When Pluto got in my head like this, she ain’t leave easy.
I heard the door behind me slide open, and I ain’t even have to turn around to know it was her. I felt her before I saw her, and when I finally looked over, there she was, standin’ there in that deep blue silk robe, her hair fallin’ down her back soft and full.
She looked… good. Too damn good for me to still be sittin’ here tryna stay in my feelins.
I held her gaze for a second, then looked away, not even knowin’ what to expect from her right now. Pluto never come at a nigga loud, and she ain’t argue. She just closed herself off.
But this time, she ain’t walk away. She walked toward me. And before I could even process it, she reached for my hands, pullin’ ’em off my lap so she could sit down on me, like she always did.
My arm came around her without me even thinkin’ about it, my hand restin’ on her thigh while I looked at her, searchin’ her face for somethin’, anything, to tell me where her head was at.
I ain’t say nothin’. I just waited…
Her eyes was glossy, like she been holdin’ somethin’ in, and when she finally spoke, her voice was soft.
“I’m sorry.”
That alone made somethin’ in my chest loosen.
“For makin’ you feel some type of way about all this,” she continued. “I love you… and I love having your babies.”
I looked at her for a second, then brought both my hands up to her face, holdin’ her while I leaned in and kissed her. It was slow, deep, and full of everything I ain’t been sayin’ these past few days.
I kissed along her jaw, her cheek and her lips again, like I was tryna pour everything back into her without even speakin’ it.
When I pulled back, I let out a breath and rested my forehead against hers for a second.
“After this one,” I said low, “you can go on birth control.”
