“Won’t you stay?” I asked.
He slowly removed his hat, holding it. “I don’t think I should.”
My disappointment was keen, but I tried not to show it.
“I’m sorry, Maggie. I—” He set down his hat and removed his gloves, then crossed the hall to stand in front of me. “It’s just—you only have three weeks before your birthday. And despite what I said, despite my resolve and my love for you—I’m realizing that I’m not a saint.”
I frowned, trying to understand what he was saying.
“I’ve tried to be a gentleman,” he continued. “I’ve tried to keep you close while holding you at a distance because I didn’t want to pressure you or manipulate you into choosing me.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you—to ask you to marry me, to stay with me forever. And even now, I know this is wrong. I shouldn’t—”
I placed my hand on his arm to still his words. “I’ve wondered why you haven’t kissed me.”
He turned back to me, yearning in his gaze. “It’s not because I haven’t wanted to. Maggie, I’ve never desired a woman as much as I desire you. But I made a promise to myself that Iwouldn’t have you choose me out of obligation or guilt. I know your heart. You have a natural bent to sacrificial love, which is one of the reasons I admire you.” He rested his hands on either side of my face, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. “But I do not want you to sacrifice anything or anyone for me. If you choose me, I want you to choose me because it’s what you want, not what I want.”
Warmth filled my chest at his words, and I placed my hands over his. He knew me better than anyone else, and I loved him more and more because of it. I wanted him to know how I felt, but I too had made a promise. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him if he didn’t know about Zechariah.
My pulse sped at the thought. Could I tell Gray that I loved him if I also told him about Zechariah? Would it be fair to Gray? But how could I not tell him? I wanted him to know me fully.
Slowly, I removed his hands from my cheeks and lowered them, until they were clasped between us.
“I want to tell you something,” I began, swallowing the fear and misgivings that crawled up my throat. I prayed, with every beat of my heart, that this was the right thing to do. “But I don’t know where to begin.”
He watched me closely. I’d realized a long time ago that his way of making me feel like the only person in the world was due, in part, to his gift. He saw things in me that others didn’t see. It was how he’d uncovered the truth. “Just say what you need to say, Maggie.”
“I love you, Gray.”
His emotions were difficult to read as he drew me close. Happiness, pain, joy, uncertainty, hope, and fear all mixed together in his beautiful eyes. “I love you, too.” He looked at my lips, and I saw the restrained desire there, but now I knew why he waited. My heart longed for that kiss, but my head told me that Gray was wiser than me.
“I need to tell you the rest—the hardest part.” I could nolonger look into his eyes, knowing he would be hurt. “There’s another man,” I said, just above a whisper. “His name is Dr. Zechariah Philips. He’s on theSolacewith me in Pearl Harbor. He’s a captain in the United States Navy. I met him the same day I met you.”
Gray’s hands slowly relaxed, and he eventually let go of me, taking a step back as he inhaled a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, Gray. I didn’t mean to fall in love with both of you—”
“You love him?” His voice was strained.
“I—I think so.” I swallowed again, my heart breaking. “I wanted you to know so there were no secrets between us.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” His voice revealed more than hurt—anger, perhaps, though he was trying hard to hold it in.
“I couldn’t tell you when you didn’t know about my time-crossing gift. And then Papa died and—”
Gray took a few seconds before he looked at me again. “I can’t be another cause of heartbreak for you, Maggie. I knew that falling in love with you, after learning about your gift, was a fool’s errand. I’ve been holding on to hope, trying to believe you would choose 1861, even after you lost your father. But the odds are stacked against me. You have your parents, your siblings, your work—and now I learn you have a man you love there, too.” He no longer seemed angry, just sad. “I don’t blame you, Maggie. Truly, I don’t.”
“Don’t blame me for what?”
He took his hat and gloves off the side table and moved to the door.
“Gray!” I hurried across the room to stop him from leaving.
“Perhaps,” he said, sorrow radiating from every line of his body, “someone should offer you sacrificial love.” He leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on my cheek. When he straightened, he met my gaze. “I won’t stand in your way. Iknow what you have to endure in three short weeks, and I want you to know that while I will miss you every waking moment, I will not ask you to stay. You have a wonderful life awaiting you in 1941, and I wish you every happiness possible.”
“Gray, don’t—”
“Good-bye, Maggie.” He slipped his hat on his head. “If you need anything before your birthday, you know where to reach me. I will always be here for you.”
And with that, he was gone. Leaving me more bereft than I had ever felt before.
