The carriage was cold and bounced uncomfortably along the muddy road as Gray took one of my hands in his. “Tell me about it.”
Against my better judgment, I had to relieve this burden. I trusted Gray, not only because he had proven to be trustworthy, but because he was a Pinkerton agent and knew the importance of keeping sensitive information safe. “America is on the verge of a world war in 1941,” I said slowly, trying to decide how much to tell him. “It will start in earnest tomorrow when Japan bombs Pearl Harbor, an American military base in Hawaii where I’m serving.”
“Hawaii? America claims Hawaii?”
“It’s an American Territory in 1941. Tomorrow there will be a surprise attack early in the morning, and thousands of soldiers and civilians will be killed in the course of a few hours.”
“And you know this because you lived in 2001?”
I nodded. “I’m the only one who knows the attack is coming, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. If I knowingly change the course of history, I forfeit my path in 1941.”
“And you’d be stuck here forever.”
The way he said it made my heart ache. “I wouldn’t consider staying in 1861 as ‘stuck,’ but yes, it would leave me with no other path. Besides, Pearl Harbor, as horrific as it will be, is one of the most important events in the history of the world. If I tried to warn someone and Japan doesn’t succeed, and America doesn’t enter the war, who’s to say what would happen?” If Hitler conquered Europe, the world would look far different, affecting my parents and loved ones in 1941 and 2001. “There’s just no way I could be responsible for such a thing.”
“Maggie, I cannot fathom the burden you’re under. I admire you more than you know.”
“There’s nothing to admire.” I lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t choose this gift. It was thrust upon me. I have no choice.”
“None of us chooses the life we’ve been born into. It’s how you decide to deal with it that matters. I imagine others like you have become angry and bitter, but you remain resilient and hopeful, despite all the heartache and loss. You know who you are and why God placed you on this earth. You’ve said it yourself—you are a healer, and regardless of your circumstances, you find ways to help those in need, never thinking of yourself alone. I think that makes you remarkable.”
“But I have been angry at God,” I said, “and sometimes I do think only of myself. I’ve spent much of my life trying to fix people and control the outcomes of their lives, thinking I knew what was best for them. Anna even accused me of trying to play God.”
“I think we’re all guilty of that from time to time.”
“My life is remarkable, but I’m not, Gray. I’m just a woman trying to make sense of it all.”
He smiled. “We’re all trying to make sense of life. God has given each of us a unique path, one that draws us closer to Him because of the uncertainties and challenges. You’re no different. We all make mistakes and have regrets, but I admire you because you are seeking God’s will. You could have told Him a long time ago what you wanted, but you didn’t. You desire to know whatHewants.”
I was uncomfortable with his praise, though I couldn’t deny what he said. Ididwant to know God’s will for my life. It was the reason I had struggled so much this past year. “If there’s anyone who should be admired, it’s my marked parents. They taught me to keep my faith and seek God’s will. I wish you could know them, but I’m happy you knew Papa. He also taught me lessons about resilience and purpose. And my parents in 2001 taught me to do what I love, no matter what.”
“It sounds like each of your lives prepared you for the plansGod has for you. You learned your loyalty and patriotism from your papa, your sacrificial love and faith from your mama and daddy, and your hard work and sense of purpose from your mom and dad, among many other important qualities from your siblings, your grandfather, and your friends.”
An incredulous smile lifted my lips. “You realized that from the little I’ve told you?”
“When you speak about them, you make them come alive, and I feel like I know each one of them personally. It’s not hard to recognize the bits and pieces that have contributed to make you the woman I love.”
Tears filled my eyes. His words reminded me of Anna. She had also helped me realize that I was a combination of each of my paths. “You’re right. There isn’t one true version of me. I’m all of my paths.”
“You’re simply Maggie,” he said with a tender smile. “The result of all of the times you’ve occupied, all of the people you’ve loved, and all of the things you’ve learned. You’re you, regardless of time or place. You are not one of your paths, you are all of them.”
The longing in his eyes intensified as he put his arm around me, and I wondered if he would finally kiss me.
But the carriage arrived at the Willard Hotel, coming to a stop just outside the front awning. A footman opened the door for us, and I knew the opportunity had passed.
Yet it was a moment I would not soon forget. Gray had helped me solidify a truth I had wondered about all of my life.
Who was I?
I was Maggie, regardless.
A few hours later, after the rain had stopped, Gray walked me to my door.
My stomach was full and my heart was happy, though tomorrow still loomed like an ominous storm on the horizon. I couldn’t avoid it. All I could do was try to prepare myself for the inevitable destruction it would bring, praying that God would sustain me.
Joseph opened the front door for us, and as soon as we were inside, he went to the kitchen, where I could hear Goldie and Saphira laughing.
A lamp had been lit on the hall table, casting a gentle glow in the room. Gray helped me with my cape, hanging it on one of the hooks near the door. I slipped off my hat and gloves and then turned to him. He was still wearing his coat and hat.
