“There, now.” Dr. Aiken put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “In a moment you’ll be asleep, and when you wake up, you’ll realize that all is well. A baby is a blessing. A true miracle from God. Each child is God’s way of telling us He wants the world togo on.” He patted my shoulder. “You’ll see. Soon, you’ll come to love this baby unlike anything you’ve ever loved before, and you’ll be willing to lay down your very life for him. I promise.”
A baby. I was having a baby.
I could no longer lift my head off my pillow as my eyelids drooped closed.
21
WILLIAMSBURG, VIRGINIA
JANUARY 24, 1775
I opened my eyes to find myself in Williamsburg. Hannah and Rebecca were asleep beside me, cuddled up close to stay warm. It was still dark outside, but I could not stay in bed. I needed to speak to Mama, to get her reassurance and help. I refused to believe that it was over—that I was without a choice. My twenty-first birthday was six months away—surely we could think of something to save me from 1915 by then.
There was no time to waste on tears or panic. I dressed in the cold room and rushed across the hall to Mama’s bedchamber.
Her door creaked as I opened it, and I found her kneeling beside her bed. She was already dressed, her white cap covering her head and her black shoes peeking out from the hem of her full gown. She was praying.
I paused, not wanting to interrupt her, but I could not wait. “Mama,” I whispered.
Lifting one hand to quiet me, she continued to pray silently.
Impatience pushed me into her room. I closed the door andthen stood next to her. “Mama,” I said again, desperate to speak to her.
After a moment, she finally stood and looked at me.
“I’m sorry,” I told her as I took her hands, “but I couldn’t wait.”
“I know, Libby.” She turned my hand over and pressed our palms together.
“You know?”
“I know what you’re going to tell me.”
“How?” I hadn’t told her about Reggie’s behavior the first night he’d returned to Cumberland Hall.
She put her hand on my cheek, her face filled with sadness. It was dark, but I could still see her. “Christmas morning I knew something had happened with Reggie.” She wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn’t even realized was there. “You’re going to have a baby, aren’t you?”
A sinking sensation filled my stomach, and all I could do was nod.
“I’ve known from the moment you told me that Mother Wells had chosen Reggie to be your husband.” Her voice was heavy when she lowered her hand as if she had no strength to hold it up. “I hoped and prayed ’twould not happen, but I had a feeling. ’Twas much the same for me.”
“But I can’t have a baby,” I told her, desperation weighing down my words. “I don’t want to stay in 1915. I want to stay here with you.”
“I know.” She stood and put some space between us. “But I also know that our hopes and dreams are not always God’s. Sometimes He has a plan that looks much different from ours.”
“But how can that be?” My voice was filled with anger and despair. “Why would He allow me to want this life when He didn’t intend for me to keep it?”
“I won’t pretend to have all the answers. God is concerned with the state of your heart more than where you live or whattime you occupy. He wants to know that He has your heart, Libby. All of it. He wants to know that you trust Him no matter what happens.” She came back to me and took my hands again. “You’ve long had your path all planned out. You knew exactly what you wanted and how to go about achieving it. But just becauseyouwant something doesn’t mean God does. You are here, and in 1915, because He chose to send you. It’s not just about what you want but how you can best serve God for His purposes.”
“Are you saying I don’t have a choice?”
“You have a choice—you always have a choice. You could leave 1915 and stay here—but think of the consequences. The baby will be due after your twenty-first birthday, correct?”
I nodded.
“Then if you left 1915, your body would die and your baby along with you.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I cannot tell you how much I want you to stay. The thought of never seeing you again, knowing that you are alive in a time and place I will never see, tears my heart in two. But, darling, our days are never guaranteed. Our paths are never certain. I know that full well.” She looked down at our hands, her voice filled with a sadness so deep and penetrating that it made my heart clench. “I gave up the man I loved and the parents I loved to stay here with you. And though I mourned in ways that you could not imagine, I have never once regretted giving everything up for you. I would do it all again. Someday I promise you will feel the same way about your child.”
Tears flowed freely as Mama took me into her embrace and held me close.
