“And no other episodes?”
“Do you mean, have I retched again? No.” Thankfully. There were few other sensations as distressing.
He set his black bag on my side table. “Do you mind if I examine you and ask a few questions?”
I shrugged. “I won’t say no after you’ve come so far.”
Edith stayed in the room, watching as the doctor took my temperature, ran a candle before my eyes, looked in my mouth, my nose, and my ears, and listened to my heart and lungs.
He glanced at Edith, a question in his eyes, and I nodded. “She’s welcome to stay.”
“Very well.” He sat on a chair next to my bed and smiled. His face was so kind and gentle. “Lady Cumberland, may I ask a few, er, delicate feminine questions?”
My mouth slipped open to respond that I didn’t mind, but I suddenly knew what he was going to ask.
It had been three weeks since Reggie left Cumberland Hall. Four weeks since he had forced me to stay in the library with him after supper.
My breathing slowed until I felt like I wasn’t breathing at all, and everything came to a halt. I looked at Dr. Aiken as if he were far away and I couldn’t reach him. I swallowed as realization settled like a boulder in my gut. It was soon followed by panic like I had never known in my life.
“Lady Cumberland?” Dr. Aiken looked at me with a bit of alarm.
I couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. A strange feeling rushed up my legs and into my heart, making it pound uncontrollably. I shook my head and put my hands over my face. The sensation to run came over me, but where could I go to get away from the truth?
“No,” I said. “This can’t be.”
“Lady Cumberland.” Dr. Aiken put his hands on both of mine and pried them away from my face. He was only a few inches from me, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “What is the matter?”
“I can’t be pregnant,” I said, the panic making me feel like I might die. “I simply can’t be.”
“I don’t know for certain,” he said, “but your symptoms are consistent with pregnancy. I will need you to answer a few questions, and then I’ll perform a thorough examination to be sure.”
I nodded, hoping and praying it wasn’t true. Edith’s face had gone pale at my reaction, but she didn’t leave the room or shy away.
Patiently, I answered the doctor’s questions and then allowed him to examine me. The entire time, all I could do was pray. I couldn’t have a baby in this path—I just couldn’t. Each time I thought about the consequences, the panic returned. And then I would calm myself and try to reassure myself that it just couldn’t be true.
I had a life I wanted in 1775. I had a man I loved with all of my heart who loved me. I had a mother and sisters who relied on me. A newspaper that depended on me. I had a cause I was willing to die for. I couldn’t leave any of it behind.
When the doctor had finished, he slowly put all of his instruments back into his bag. It felt like it took forever for him to finally turn to me. I held my breath as I waited for his diagnosis.
“Lady Cumberland,” he began slowly, “everything points to pregnancy.”
A loud sound pulsed in my ears, and my stomach turned again. This time, I could not hold back the contents as Edith rushed a pan to my bedside. Sobs wracked my body as wave after wave of nausea rolled through me.
“Lady Cumberland.” Dr. Aiken’s voice sounded far awayand commanding. “You must not behave this way. You’ll hurt the baby with the way you’re carrying on.”
I couldn’t stop crying. With one sentence, my entire existence was shaken to the core. All of my hopes and dreams were torn away, and everything I’d ever longed for was pulled from my grasp.
I was going to have a baby—possibly a marked baby—and she would need me, just as I had needed my mama.
Mama. Tears continued to flow as I thought of her. I knew in an instant that I had lost 1775 for good. How would I tell her? How would I live in this path without her?
And what of Henry? I wept uncontrollably at the thought of him. But I could not explain to Dr. Aiken or Edith. They tried to console me, to drag me from the abyss, but they could not.
Finally, Dr. Aiken pulled a vial from his medical bag. I was vaguely aware of him filling a syringe. But when he stabbed the needle into my arm, the sharp pain pulled me back to the present, and I lay back upon my bed, completely spent from my tears.
“Lady Cumberland,” Dr. Aiken said, standing over me, “I do not know why this pregnancy has come as such a shock. Surely you knew it was a possibility. You’re a properly married woman, and it’s only right to produce an heir for your husband. He will be pleased when he hears of this happy news. And, in time, I know you will be pleased, as well.”
My eyes began to grow heavy as my limbs relaxed into the mattress. A warm, cloudlike feeling overcame me, and my tears stopped. It almost felt like I was floating and nothing mattered anymore.
