I smiled, even though he couldn’t see me. Lately I’d been telling Charlie his family would understand, and now here Nick was, doing exactly that. Maybe telling their parents and everyone else would soon follow.
“That’s really good to hear, Nick,” I said. “He’s been wrestling with this for a long time, so I’m glad, you know…” I trailed off, not really knowing what I was trying to say, but hoping he would get it.
He did. “I feel like such a jerk,” he said. “You were right. Hewasacting weird in the fall. I saw it, but didn’t really think about it because I was so jealous…”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I assured him. “He’s come so far since then.” I paused for a beat, hoping I wasn’t about to overstate things. “I honestly think these last couple of months have been the happiest of his life.”
Silence, and then, “Is he, uh, with someone?”
My eyebrows knitted together. “He didn’t tell you?”
Nick sighed. “Well, no. I was so shocked, and we got interrupted by some people…”
I leaned forward and began to pick at the initials again, debating whether or not to tell him. “Um, yeah,” I answered, deciding that yes, he deserved to know. “He’s with someone. Since Thanksgiving.”
Nick was quiet, processing. “It’s Morrissey, isn’t it? Luke?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed, feeling somewhat taken aback. I wasn’t certain, but I thought this was the first time I’d ever heard Nick say Luke’s name. Even though it was no secret he was one of my best friends, I didn’t know why. “How’d you know?”
“I didn’t,” he replied. “Until just now. I didn’t even know he was actually gay…I thought that was only a rumor…and I used to think you guys sort of liked each other…”
And that’s why Luke has never come up, I realized, wanting to groan.
“But it makes sense,” he added, “because they’re together all the time, and Charlie acts different around him…protective.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Very inseparable, and very protective.” I thought of the quiet, but firm way Charlie stood next to Luke in the out-of-control line at the Tuck Shop, ready to shield him from any accidental jostling, and the way he was quick to back up Luke during any dinner debate. “Yes, if it ever comes to a duel,” Luke once said, rolling his eyes, “Charlie’s my second.”
Again, Nick didn’t respond at first. “I think I should go,” he said eventually. “I should call him. He took off after we ran into Smith and Clarke, and I want to talk more. Make sure he knows things are good.”
I nodded. “Sounds great.”
“Thanks.” He coughed. “I’m glad we talked.”
“Me too,” I said, heart speeding up. “Really, really glad.”
Nick laughed. “Okay, I’ll see you, then.”
“Yes.” I smiled. “I’ll see you.”
CHAPTER 28
CHARLIE
Nick texted me at 9:00 p.m. asking if I wantedto crash with him in Mortimer.Coach Meyer said it’s cool, he wrote, but I waited a good five minutes before checking with Mr. Fowler and grabbing my sleeping bag. My brother was waiting for me on the front porch, now wearing sweatpants and his god-awful Patagonia, with his big Hudson’s Bay blanket draped around his shoulders like a cape. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and then he gestured for us to go inside.
“I’m sorry for earlier,” Nick said once we were in his room. I saw that one of his pillows was already on his chesterfield, all ready for me. A box of Murdick’s Fudge sat on his desk, along with a bag of Doritos and two sweating ginger beers. My brother was the only person I knew who drank straight ginger beer.
“It’s okay,” I told him, and dumped my stuff on the couch. I suspected he’d already blown through most of the fudge.
“No, it’s not.” He took a pull from his bottle. “I was a jerk, and that wasn’t cool. I was just…surprised.”
I nodded. “I know.”
We didn’t speak for a minute. “How long have you known?” heasked, and I hesitated—not sure if I wanted to tell him. Part of me wished he could justknow, and then we could go from there. But when Nick nudged my knee with his, I knew that wasn’t happening.
I took a deep breath. “A while,” I admitted. “Years.” I fiddled with the old rope bracelet on my wrist, remembering when I was twelve: first feeling a flame of something after Cal laughed at one of my jokes. The way my heart had gone in and out.Charlie, Charlie, he’d said.You kill me.
It wasn’t until later that I untangled the truth. The yearning for his approval, the obsessive staring as he and my sister held hands, and the curve of his jawline—so strong and confident. Not to mention the massive meltdown I had when they’d broken up. While Kitsey drowned her sorrows in chocolate, my fourteen-year-old self had full-on sobbed. “Well, Charlie’s also taking it pretty hard,” I’d overheard Dad on the phone with Uncle Theo, chuckling. “You’d think it was him who’s had his heart broken!”
