Our father had had quite the laugh at that one.
Sometimes I could still sort of hear it.
After a minute, I heard Nick whisper, “But you can’t be…”
I stared down at the cobblestones. “I am.”
Nick was quiet.
I was quiet.
And the whole thing only became unquiet when Paddy and Cody arrived on the scene minutes later. “Carmichaels!” Paddy clapped each of us on the back. “What’s the latest?”
I found my voice first. “Just going over our plan of attack.” I nodded at Brooks. “Word is there’s a pretty impressive sheet cake in your fridge.” Yesterday, Jack had made sure everyone and their mother knew it was his birthday.
“Oh, is there?” Paddy asked, at the same time Cody went: “I’ll never tell.”
They shoved off soon after that, recognizing they’d walked into something. But Nick and I just stood there. It started snowing. The type of snow that Luke loved: feathery flakes. We were lying on theMAC’s roof back in December, letting a layer cover us. “This is my favorite,” he’d whispered. “The gods are having a pillow fight.”
A car’s headlights brought me back to reality, to this silent standoff with Nick. We moved off to the side of the road to let it pass, and all the warmth I felt thinking about Luke cooled until it matched the current temperature outside. After the car was gone, my twin and I looked at each other.Please say something, I tried to tell him.
And the message went through, because Nick shifted from one foot to the other, and cleared his throat, getting ready to speak. But then his gaze went to the ground…and it felt like getting kicked in the gut when he murmured, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Fine.” I looked away even though he wasn’t looking at me. I fought against the oncoming waterworks, and maybe even shrugged. “I get it.”
He sucked in a breath. “Charlie…”
I started walking away. “Sleep tight, Nick.”
CHAPTER 27
SAGE
Later that night, when I was taking half-hearted notes on my Buddhism class reading, my phone began to buzz.Charlie, I immediately thought, reaching to grab it from its charger.
But it wasn’t him. “Hey.” I picked up.
“Hey,” Nick said softly, and then nothing else. It was silent for several heartbeats before he spoke again. “You knew, didn’t you?”
My eyes were suddenly full of tears. His voice…it was neutral…his tone didn’t give me any clues as to how he felt about everything. I was flying blind for now. “Yeah,” I admitted, starting to pick at some initials carved in my desk. “I knew…I’ve known.”
He was quiet again. “For how long?”
“Thanksgiving,” I told him. “But I’ve suspected for years.”
“Oh.”
“You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“No,” Nick said after another pause. “But I wish you’d told me.”
I tilted my head back to stare up at my blank ceiling. “I wanted to…and I was so close a couple of times.” I remembered our fall nights together. “But it was Charlie’s truth to tell, not mine.”
“I know,” he agreed, releasing a sigh. “I only wish I’dknown…”
I shifted in my chair, wondering what he was thinking about.Charlie? Or maybe us? Would we still be together if he’d known?I had no idea.
Nick cleared his throat. “I love him just the same,” he said. “In case that wasn’t clear. He’s my brother…my best friend…and I want him to be happy.”
