I’d known then, everything in me shuddering. But in bed that night, I stilled the shudder to a clench.Ignore this, I told myself.Forget him and ignore this.
But I never quite could. That clench became a constant, impossible to ignore.
“Oh, wow,” Nick said now. “Years?”
“Yeah.” I rubbed my forehead.
“So you were faking with all those girls?”
I sighed. “Pretty much.”
“That must’ve been”—he ran a hand through his hair—“really hard.”
I shrugged and sort of smiled. “Just a little.”
“But now you have Luke.”
“Right…” I raised an eyebrow. “Now I have Luke.”
Nick started picking at his bottle’s label. “I talked with Sage earlier.”
“Ah,” I said, feeling a rush of relief. They’d talked, they were talking. Hopefully that meant I hadn’t royally screwed things up between them, that they could work their way back to each other. Maybe this was the first step. “You know she’s always known too,” I added. “Way before I ever told her.”
He nodded. “She said that.”
“Okay, good.”
“Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” Nick asked.
I sighed. “That’s complicated. I sort of wanted to tell them at Christmas, but then…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
Nick took another sip of ginger beer. “When do you think it’ll become uncomplicated?”
“I’m not sure.” I suddenly felt really tired. “I’ll figure it out.”
My brother nodded. “Now tell me about Luke.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Tell me about Luke.”
“Uh…” I started, again not sure what he expected me to say. “He’s cool…and nice…I really like him…” An understatement, but I didn’t want things to get uncomfortable.
“Oh, come on,” Nick said. “You’ve had to listen to us talk about girls for forever, and that must suck. So I’m all ears. What’s heactuallylike?”
My heart flickered. “Seriously?”
“Yes, take it away.”
“Okay, well, he’s pretty epic,” I prefaced, and then started tellinghim random stuff. I told him that Luke drank a minimum of three cups of coffee in the morning, taking it pitch-black. I told him that Clue was Luke’s favorite board game, and that he took legit notes whenever he played. I told him that Luke drove his dad’s sweet Land Rover Defender back home, and dipped his fries in vinegar. That he was a terrible singer, but could play piano without missing a note. About how he wanted to be in the FBI someday. “And you should see him when he sleeps,” I found myself saying. “I can always tell when he’s dreaming, because his mouth quirks up in this little smile, and his breathing hitches, and then his eyelids flutter without actually opening—”
Nick coughed.TMI.
“He’s a really great cook,” I said, swinging back around. “You need to try his pancakes; he makes them from scratch and adds cinnamon. His family has two cats, and his Spotify playlist is also totally on point, but One Direction is his guilty pleasure…”
I went on like that for a long time, but Nick didn’t cut me off. It was only when I yawned that things wound down. Nick switched off the lights and climbed into bed as I zipped myself into my sleeping bag. “Thank you for telling me,” he whispered after we said good night.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered back.
