CHAPTER 16
CHARLIE
After running into Luke and Sage at themovies, the night sped up and soon broke into fragments. I first remembered getting really drunk and breaking up with Val. “So admit it, asshole,” she’d said. “I want you toadmitit. That you run away from anything remotely serious because you’re incapable of feeling anything for anyone who isn’t Sage. You love her, but you’re too scared to do anything about it!”
Everything was swaying by the time Sage showed up later, old floorboards creaking beneath her feet. Her voice sounded warped, like we were underwater. “Charlie.”
I’m sorry, I was about to say, because she was already crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed with tears trailing down her cheeks.
She stole the Bacardi from me. “What is this?”
“Rum!” I crowed, but my voice more so warbled. “It could do with some Coke, but—”
“No,” she spat out. “What is this doinghere? Where did yougetit?”
I groaned.
“Answer me, Charlie.”
“I’m so tired.” I shook my head. “So, so tired.”
“Well, yeah,” she said, her voice still harshly distorted. “It looks you just drank a whole handle ofpure alcohol.”
“No,” I groaned again, letting my shoulders slump. “So tired of beingthis guy, Sage. So tired of practicing that smile, practicing those lines. So tired of not having—”
“A person?” she whispered a second after I’d dropped off. “So tired of not having a…true person?”
A true person.I pressed the heels of my palms hard against my eyes. Deep down, I knew Sageknew.About me. Somewhere along the way, she’d figured it out. It wasn’t a shocker, and it wasn’t the problem. My chest clenched. The problem was now I’d brought the whole thing up, up to the door; my closet had always been straight out ofThe Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, leading all the way back to Narnia. And I wanted it to stay that way.
Even if I was tired. Even if I was exhausted. Even if I wantedhim.
When I looked at Sage again, her phone was pressed against her ear. “Are you still awake?” she was saying, and then I heard her mumble something about not needing helpburyingthe body, but needing helpcarryingit.
My legs wobbled, and I squinted as Sage slung my lifeless arm over her shoulder. “Is that Nicky’s Patagonia?” I asked, suddenly noticing her fleece’s horrific tribal print.
She didn’t answer.
I woke up on the chesterfield with a dry throat and a throbbing headache. I was underneath the plaid comforter he must’ve dragged down from my sky-high bed, with my trash can on standby. One ofmy towels was spread out on the floor in case my aim was off, and there was also a tall glass of water on the trunk. I reached for it and then noticed a bottle of Advil and a Post-it Note.
You are a moron, it said in half print, half cursive.
CHAPTER 17
SAGE
My eyes were swollen on Sunday morning.I’d slept restlessly, but couldn’t drag myself out of bed or check my phone until the afternoon.1:22 p.m., the screen read. There were also some missed texts; I ignored them, instead burrowing under my covers again. I didn’t want to be alone, but couldn’t reach out to the girls, no matter how much I loved them. Since they didn’t know anything, they would want to knoweverything, and I didn’t want to explain. So I called the one person whodidknow everything. “Please come,” I croaked over the phone, like Charlie had last night. Not dark and demanding, but still cloudy and desperate. “I need you.”
Twenty minutes later, Luke let me snuggle into his shoulder. He smelled like peppermint and released this deep sigh of something. Not relief, butsomething—like he hadn’t gotten much sleep either.Frustration, I determined when I noticed how tense he was.He’s frustrated.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, realizing this was the second time I’d summoned him in…what? Fifteen hours?
I shut my eyes and remembered Mr. Magnusson’s classroom, creaky floor announcing Luke’s arrival. He had his sweatshirt hoodpulled up over his baseball hat, with his mouth in a straight line and an eyebrow barely raised.What’s the plan?the expression said, but he hadn’t uttered one word the entire time.
Now, he relaxed and wrapped his arms around me. “You don’t need to be sorry, Sage,” he said, then whispered: “And you don’t have to tell me, but Charlie wasn’t the only Carmichael-related problem last night, was he?”
“No.” I shook my head. “He wasn’t.”
Then it all came spilling out, along with the tears I didn’t know I had left. About how Nick thought he was a consolation prize, that I was just passing time until Charlie was slapped in the face with his love for me. “None of it’s true,” I said. “None of it. Yes, I love Charlie, but not in that way. Never in that way, you know that. The truth is…”
