“Hey, everything all right?” I answered.
The line was quiet, before: “I need you.”
I tried to laugh. “Sorry, but I’m busy right now.”
Charlie didn’t. “No, Sage. Ineedyou.”
His voice was dark. Low anddark.“Where are you?” I asked slowly.
“English class,” Charlie said, right as his twin came up behind me and asked who was on the other end of the line. I stepped away from him.
“Are you alone? Is Val with you?”
“No, it’s done, we’re done,” he said, then added, “Sage, my legs don’t work.”
“I’m sorry,” I told Nick once I’d assured Charlie I was on my way. “But I have to go. Charlie needs help.”
“Does he now?”
My spine straightened. If Charlie was dark and stormy right now, Nick sounded light and airy. I had a sinking feeling that too meant bad news. Nick was never sarcastic. “I’m going to go,” I said again. “He’s messed up.”
A beat of silence passed.
“Seriously?” Nick said. “You’re actually going to leave? After we just—” He cut himself off. “Charlie might’ve messed up, but he’s fine.” He sighed the exasperated mom sigh. “He’salwaysfine.”
Oh, Nick, I thought, tears welling up.Have you talked to him lately?Charlie was most definitely not fine. He called when he couldn’t sleep, kept running after I stopped, and when we hung out, he wasn’t really there. He’d lost so much weight and looked so sad all the time.
And I know why, I wanted to say. I know what I’ve been suspecting is true. He’s buried it for so long, but it’s becoming harder and harder, because someone unexpected has come into play…and he’s scared.
But before I could really respond, Nick muttered something…something that sounded a lot like: “I can’t do this anymore.”
Suddenly my heart was in my throat. “Wait, what?”
Nick exhaled a deep breath. “I can’t do this anymore,” he repeated. “I’m sorry, Sage, but I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I want you, but not if you don’t want me.”
“What?” I shoved my phone into my pocket. Charlie would have to hang tight for a second. “What are you talking about? Of course I want you!” I laughed. “I mean, we…” I gestured to the blanket.
Nick’s voice got quiet. “Yeah, we did,” he said. “We slept together.”
And it was epic, I waited for him to add like earlier.It was everything.
He didn’t. Instead, he said, “But it’s time to cut the crap, Sage. I’m your second choice.”
All I could do was shake my head.
Nick nodded his. “Yes, I am. We both know it. Stop pretending otherwise. I willalwaysbe second place to Charlie.” He paused. “And I’m such an idiot. Because I hoped things would change. That if I did things your way—kept us a secret—you’d feel the same way I do, the way I’ve felt foryears…” He stopped speaking and rubbed his forehead. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“No, it’s not like that,” I tried, stomach squirming. “Charlie and I, we’re not—”
“But youwantto be,” he cut me off. “You two are all over each other whenever he’s not with someone, you rejected me for homecoming to go with him, and whenever wearetogether, he’sallyou want to talk about.” His voice dropped. “Now you’re about to ditch me to rescue him. He’s why you won’t be my girlfriend. You’re in love with him, and you want to be free when he finally realizes he’s in love with you.”
Tears streamed down my face. “Nick, please, you have to understand, that’s not why I…” I trailed off, unsure what to say. I couldn’t tell him about Charlie, and I still wasn’t sure he’d understand the truth. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be all-in right now. I didn’t even know where I wanted to go to school if it wasn’t with Charlie and Nick! I wasn’t sure I knew how to be my own person without them and that scared me. I couldn’t be what Nick needed, I couldn’t give that to him right now.
Nick took my silence to mean he was right. “If you really can’t stay here, with me, and talk this out, then I can’t do this. We’ll go back to being friends, classmates, or neighbors,” he said. “Whatever you want to call it. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’treallywant to be with me…who wishes she were with my brother instead.”
“That’s not true,” I blurted. “It’s absolutely not true. You have no idea…”
“You should go, Sage,” Nick murmured, turning away to start folding up our blanket. “Charlie needs you.”
