“I didn’tnottell you,” he said quietly.
“No, I know,” I said, eyes prickling as I noticed the blue-and-orangeVIRGINIApennant tacked up by his house flag. “But, why? Why there?”
“Because it’s exactly what I want,” he replied. “I told you: I want to get out of here, I want somewhere big, I want…”
“Him,” I guessed. “You want him.”
There was a beat of hesitation, but then Charlie nodded.
Oh, Charlie, I thought.
Right on cue, his head dropped into his hands. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, Sage, but…” His voice quavered. “I just found him, he just found me, and we don’t want to be apart.”
We don’t want to be apart.
I remembered thinking that back in eighth grade, when firsthearing that the twins were applying to Bexley, and again this fall, during college application season. Now, I couldn’t help but feel a small burst of pride, knowing that even though my friends and I would be at different schools next year, nothing could truly separate us. We would be fine.
No, better than fine, I decided, thinking of Nick.We’ll be epic.
“But you know what’s happened.” Charlie looked up, tears streaming down his face. “Luke says that now isn’t our time. He says I’m not ready.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Then get ready, Charlie.”
He shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” I asked. Like Luke, I wasn’t going to pressure him, but I was going to gas him up with confidence. It was my job as his best friend; I was going to encourage him that he could do anything. His life was his and his alone. “Yes, you’re gay, and that’s far from the easiest thing to tell your family, but you’ve come so far! I know, Nick knows, and nothing has changed. Absolutelynothing. We still love you, and your parents will too. There’s no reason to keep putting this off. If you want to be with Luke, you should to tell everyone the truth. Why are you so scared?”
“Because it’s too late,” he said. “Because I’m alreadyhim.”
I gave him a look, confused. “Because you’rehim?”
“Yes.” His voice flatlined. “Because I’m him—I’mthat guy. Bexley’s big man on campus. People think I’m that guy, my parents think I’m that guy, and I’ve worked so hard to make that happen.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’ve known for years, Sage. I’ve known foryearsthat I’m…the way I am. I’d notice some random kid’s eyes through his hockey helmet…or another’s smile on thesoccer field. And Cal, of course. There was Cal.” He swallowed. “Girls are nice…all those girls were nice, but that’s it.Nice.The only reason I hooked up with them was to shield myself, to hide myself.” He shook his head. “To be the guy everyone wants me to be, expects me to be…”
“Well, not me,” I said when he trailed off, a lump in my throat. “I don’t want you to be that guy.” I hugged him. “And neither does Luke, and neither does Nick. We want you to be happy. We want you to beyou.”
Charlie buried his face in my shoulder. “People will talk.” He shuddered. “It’ll be a shitstorm. I don’t understand why Luke can’t just wait for UVA. I’ll be better, then. I can’t handle it all right now.”
“Yes, you can,” I said. “Be brave, Charlie.” I paused, uneasy but unable to lie to him. Everybody talked, and he had a reputation. “Yes, people will be shocked, but you can count on me to hold any shitstorm’s umbrella.”
I waited for a laugh, even for the ghost of one, but Charlie didn’t chuckle.
“It’ll pass, Charlie,” I added. “Everyone loves you, no matter who you are. It’ll pass.”
Again, Charlie didn’t respond. He just cried harder.
CHAPTER 35
CHARLIE
Monday morning, I stared into my wateryscrambled eggs, wishing they were one of Luke’s omelets. “Hey, are you going to eat that?” Matt Gallant pointed his fork at my plate. I glanced up to see that he’d already demolished his waffles. My stomach twisted, regretting not blowing off class to stay in bed.Maybe I’ll go to the infirmary, I thought.Sleep the day away.
“All yours,” I told Matt, right as Paddy joined us and let out a long sigh.
“Well, it was a good fight, gents,” he offered Cody his hand to shake. “But it seems a choice has been made.”
Matt spoke through a mouthful of eggs. “What’re you talking about?”
Paddy nodded toward one of Addison’s window tables: the flock’s table, where Nick sat in my seat. He was laughing and eating while Sage held one of his hands, hugging it to her chest. She looked extra-awake today. And yeah, I was happy for them, but it was hard to show it. I felt Paddy clap me on the shoulder. “You and Nick gonna be okay, Charlie?”
