21
Sean
“Why didn’t you tell hereverything?” Mike asked. He had been waiting in the parking lot for me when I got home. Without a word, I let him into my place and we went into the kitchen where I told him what had transpired with Niya.
I straddled the stool and sat by him at the bar-style kitchen table.
I shrugged. “I did tell her what she needed to know. It was my fault that Jhavon died.”
“Your fault? Your fault?” Mike shouted, flailing his arms. “Your father beat you senseless. You crawled your way to the meet up because you wanted to help Jhavon.”
As crazy as it might sound, I didn’t want Niya to know about my father’s severe physical abuse. I’d already seen her look at me as though I were a snake. It would have been all the more worse for her to see me as a weakling. Pity wasn’t my goal.
Mike shook his head. “I don’t get why you’re blaming yourself. You’re the one who’s supposed to be saved. You know God controls life and death.”
I balled my fist. “Then why didn’t He take me?” I raged. “Why did He allow my friend to die? Jhavon had a basketball career ahead of him, but me, I was worthless. I wasn’t worth the dirt under my fingernails.” I lowered my head close to my chest. “No one would’ve cared if I died. Especially not Pops. Niya is right. It should’ve been me.”
“But it wasn’t,” Mike said. “I can’t believe you’ve been walking around with this guilt all this time. Brother, you’ve got to let this go.”
“But I wasn’t there,” I sobbed. “I wasn’t there.”
Mike came over to where I stood. “I’ve seen many promising lives cut short while many evil ingrates survive. Flip and his thugs are big as ever and we’re trying to bring them down. But that’s another conversation. You were a kid, Sean. You did the best you could.”
“And it wasn’t enough.” My shoulders slumped. I closed my eyes. “I lost my best friend, and now I’ve lost Niya. All because I was weak and…” I gulped.
“It was enough,” Mike said, patting me on the shoulder. “God kept you alive for a reason. Your life has a purpose.”
Tears rolled down my face. “Not without Niya. She’s my rock. My everything.”
“No woman can be your everything. You have a son. A legacy. Concentrate on RayRay. He needs you.”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “I’m getting a paternity test. Niya urged me to get one done to be 99.99 percent certain.”
“She’s right,” Mike said.
“Yeah… She’s a good woman. She just isn’tmywoman anymore.”
Mike stepped back. “Get a grip, brother. It’s time for you to pray. You’re making this woman cloud your judgment.” He chuckled. “Why am I the one telling you this?”
I knew Mike was right, but all I could see was the hate on Niya’s face. Her scornful expression was ingrained in my heart. I winced, feeling literal pain.
“You’ve got to seek the Lord since He’s nowhere around,” Mike said.
I lifted a brow. “I think you mean, Seek Him while He’s found.”
“Yeah.” Mike shrugged. “Same thing. Do that and quit feeling sorry for yourself.” He shook his head. “It’s not a good look.” He sniffed. “Or smell.”
Despite my heartache, Mike made me smile. “Thank you, Mike. God is using you and speaking through you. I hope you know you can’t run from Him forever.”
Mike waved me off. “Uhm, let’s stay on the topic of you. Now go pray and do what you do and win back the girl.”
I did just that.
I prayed. I poured my heart out to God. I released the guilt and pain I didn’t know I still carried over to Him, asking for His healing. Then I tried to win back the girl.
I called. I visited. I called some more. But there was no getting through. For two months, I pleaded my cause until I received a restraining order. Then the truth sunk into my brain and weaved its way to the core of my being.
Niya was done with me, forever. And, there would be no changing her mind.
