I appreciate the effort, but I know it won’t work for long. It’s not really working now.
I don’t know how long it is I lie like this, crying intermittently, trying so hard not to think or feel, before I hear the sound of the key-card in the door.
My body stiffens; I can’t talk to him right now. I can’t. I’ll apologize tomorrow for screaming at him, for saying that I hated him. Maybe even for saying that I love him, so he can feel better about not loving me back.
But I can’t handle hearing him tell me that right now. Or about Jane. Or any of it.
I squeeze my eyes shut, though I know he won’t believe I’m sleeping. I’m just hoping he’ll pretend along with me.There’s the muffled sound of his steps in the room, which grow closer, then a shuffling sound right beside my bed. I feel something dropped on top of me—so light I probably wouldn’t have noticed it had I actually been sleeping.
I almost open my eyes right then, out of sheer curiosity, but stubbornness keeps them tightly closed.
“Hey,” his voice says, but there’s something a little off about it and it takes me until his words to figure out what it is. “Pssst. Yo, Ruby!”
Brendan’s doing hisTerrence Clarence voice—it’s the one most similar to his usual speaking voice, but with a hint of California dudebro tossed in.
I open my eyes, rolling over just enough to seeTerrence peeking up over the edge of the bed. He’s a neon yellow sock with spiky hair made with a bunch of bright blue pipe cleaners.
“Ruby, babe. You there?”
He leans over and nudges my side, and I see my Ruby Van Raspberry puppet lying on top of me.
I hesitate; I’m not sure I have it in me to play along. Ultimately, though, my curiosity is too great.
Besides, Ruby would never be able to ignoreTerrence—she’s pretty crazy about him.
I slip on the familiar hot pink sock with the long strands of feathery, baby-pink hair. “Hey there, handsome,” I say, my voice way too thick with emotion to actually be Ruby’s. But at least I manage her southern drawl.
“So I was talking with my boy Brendan,”Terrence says. “Apparently that dumb fuck let some other girl kiss him—this girl who wasn’t Su-Lin. He feels awful about it.”
I swallow past the thick lump in my throat and have Ruby make a miffed sound. She would definitely not approve—she can be a little judgmental sometimes, that Ruby. “Well, he should feel awful,” she says archly. “Su-Lin told me all about it. In my opinion—and youknowI don’t just go around sharing my opinion all unsolicited-like—”
“So true, babe,” he cuts in. It’s a bit they do.
“—He should have told Su-Lin first that he wanted to be with Miss Shaw.” I manage to keep her voice firm, but my heart feels like it’s breaking all over again.
He should have told me. But the truth is, I lose him either way.
“That’s the thing, though,”Terrence says. “Brendan doesn’t want to be with that Jane chick. He never did.”
My heart thuds uncertainly, and I sit up a tiny bit more. I have Ruby raise an eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true.”Terrence looks back and forth like he’s making sure no one else is listening, and then leans in toward Ruby. “Brendan told me that he is totally in love with Su-Lin. He has been for months.”
Now I can barely breathe around the pounding in my chest.
He’s in love with me.
Has been for months.
Can that really be true?
“Is that so,” Ruby says, but it comes out as little more than a whisper. Like the sudden flare of hope in me is too much to actually give voice to.
Terrence nods. “Better believe it, babe. Not only that, he really wants her to be his girlfriend.”
Tears spring to my eyes again, and a little noise like a whimper escapes me.
Terrence looks down, like he’s the one abashed. “Do you think she might still want that?” he asks, and I can hear Brendan’sTerrence accent slipping, until it’s just Brendan. “Do you think she could forgive him?”
