I swipe away the tears and set Ruby down, then lean over the side of the bed to where I can see Brendan lying on the floor. His eyes are red and puffy like he’s done his own share of crying, and he gives me a sad smile.
God, I love him so much.
“Yes,” I say to him. “Yes to both.”
He lets out a shaky breath, his smile wider. Hopeful. “Really?”
I bite my lower lip. “Did you mean all that?”
“Every word, including the part about me being a dumb fuck.” He takes theTerrance puppet off his hand, and his face grows serious, his blue eyes shiny with tears. “I’m so in love with you, Su-Lin.”
I wonder for a crazy heartbeat if I’m dreaming all this, and my heart stings, like I’ve been out in the cold and suddenly stepped into a hot shower.Tears are back to spilling onto my cheeks, and I don’t bother trying to hide them anymore. “I’m so in love with you too, Brendan.Though I guess you already knew that from me screaming it at you.”
He laughs, and it comes out a little choked.
“Come up here,” I say, scooting over to give him room next to me in the bed. “Unless you really like the floor—what are you wearing?”
I hadn’t noticed until he stood up that he’s wearing that faded, old jacket that’s always in the backseat of his car, even though he probably hasn’t worn it in, like, ten years. Or at least that’s how long since it might have been in fashion.
“Well,” he says, his cheeks getting pinker. “I thought, just in case you needed some extra convincing . . .”Then he unzips the jacket.
He’s not wearing his suit coat or even that sleeveless stripper shirt underneath.
Just a plastic, novelty coconut bra.
I sit straight up and let out a surprised squeal that immediately becomes a fit of giggles. “Oh my god.That is amazing.”
He gets on the bed next to me, and we’re both lying down on our sides facing each other. With his big plastic coconut boobs in the way. “According to the girl at Walmart who gave me a five minute lecture, it is also cultural appropriation and super not cool for me to buy. Or wear.”
“Well, I like it.”
“I knew you would.” His eyes crinkle at the sides as he smiles. “Though I still don’t know if it’s because you actually think this is hot, or because you think it’s hilarious.”
I shrug the shoulder that isn’t pressed into the mattress. “Maybe I think it’s both. Especially on you.”
We’re staring at each other, and I feel like I could just fall into that gaze. But we’re still not touching, like there’s some residual hurt there we haven’t yet broken through.
He feels it, too, because he says, quietly, “I’m so sorry.”
And I need to ask, even thoughTerrence seemed pretty sure of himself. “You really don’t want to be with Jane?” I shift, closing my eyes briefly. “I would get it if you do.”
Brendan shakes his head. “No, I don’t. I didn’t ever want to be with her or anyone else. And god, I knew the minute she kissed me, I never want to kiss anyone else but you again, ever.”
My heart flutters happily.
“The only reason I even let her kiss me . . .” He sighs. “It was stupid, I know. But I saw you with Warren, and I just thought, after everything this week, after you chicken dancing with him and not inviting him to lunch, and then at the masquerade—I thought you wanted him. And I just got so jealous and hurt, and—”
“You thought I wanted Warren?” My mouth falls open, as the memories of the week reform in my head, trying to piece together how it must have looked to Brendan. I can see it, now, how all those things I was doing could have been taken in a totally different way—dancing all goofy with Warren at prom because I couldn’t stand to really dance with anyone but Brendan, not inviting him to lunch because I didn’t want to give Warren false hope and then not telling Brendan why. “No,” I say firmly. “Warren’s a nice guy and all, but no. I never wanted to be with him.”
“Are you sure? Because the way you smiled at him . . .” He looks down at the bedding. “It was the same way you smile at me.”
My chest squeezes at the sadness in his voice, and I reach out and take his hand, lacing my fingers through his. “You must have been too far away to see clearly. Becauseno onemakes me smile the way you do. I seriously never wanted to be with Warren. I promise. I actually kind of felt bad for him because I could tell he was into me, and I knew I’d never feel the same. Because, you know, I’ve been super in love with my best friend for a long time now.”
“Yeah,” Brendan says. “I don’t think Jane was even that into me. I blurted out that I’m in love with you right after she kissed me, and she thought that was adorable.”
I arch an eyebrow at him. “Seriously?”
Brendan smiles. “I know. I thought it was generous of her, since I was kind of a dick to her, too.”
