And being stuck in that hole made living feel pointless.
The idea that had been swirling around those three days of hiding out at Neverland crooned to me, tempting me with the sweetest relief that only it could bring. That idea ofsomeday…someday I would be free. For good.
Yet even as I thought it, I clutched Dawson’s ring that was back around my neck where it belonged. I couldn’t count the times I’d clung to it and the promise that Dawson had made me. That alone had the power to wipe out that malignant idea, to silence every doubt and worry in my mind, to evaporate any outside opinion that we shouldn’t be together.
I wanted Dawson. I couldn’t lose him again. I would push through any pain and darkness that came because nothing felt as good as being loved by Dawson Hayes.
I popped the lid on the bottle and shook out a pill, steeling myself before throwing it back and swallowing it dry. I jumped at the furious voice behind me and fumbled the bottle in my hand.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Chapter 18
Dawson
My whole body shook and my ribcage felt like it would crack under the building pressure as I tried to tamp down my rage. My focus was zeroed in on the orange bottle in Theo’s hand and ice slid down my spine.
I’d almost talked myself out of coming over here after I spotted Dad talking to Theo outside. The miserable defeat that shadowed his features before he took off compelled me to follow him. Dad had tried to tell me to give him space when I’d rushed past him, but I wasn’t having it. As pissed as I was at Theo for his stunt on the lake, I couldn’t bear to see him upset. I’d seen that look enough recently to last a lifetime and then some.
But watching him toss back whatever the fuck pill that was made me want to wring his neck. Any doubt I had of Theo’s addiction vanished and I surged forward, snatching the bottle out of his grip.
“No, don’t!” Theo protested with wide, panicked eyes, but I held it out of his reach.
“I can’t fucking believe you. Why do you keep doing this shit to yourself?” I snapped.
“Wait, what? What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I mean. Did you get this crap from Corvin?”
“What? It’s not—just stop freaking out and let me explain!”
“No, I’m done with your excuses. Since you won’t do anything to help yourself, I’ll do it for you.”
I made a mad dash for the hallway bathroom with Theo close behind, yelling frantically. He caught up and he began wrenching, yanking, pulling at anything to stop me. It was a cacophony of curses and shouts, grunts and shoves until I made it through the doorway and came to an abrupt stop in front of the toilet, holding the bottle above it threateningly.
“Stop! Fuck, please! I need those,” Theo gripped at his hair wildly, looking close to tears. I had a moment of pity that the drugs had such a hold on him and it broke my fucking heart. How could he have gotten this bad?
The sheer desperation on his face gave me pause and I suddenly felt exhausted. I wondered if I’d even be able to save him if he didn’t want to be saved. If the pills and alcohol were most important to him now, where did that leave me?
My eyes burned and I grimaced at the spike of pain behind my ribs.
“Why? Why did you do this to yourself?” I choked out.
He tilted his head, shooting me a bewildered look. “What do you mean? I have no other choice. I was doing it foryou.”
I reared back, my brain going a hundred miles an hour to try to make sense of what he was saying.
“You did…what? Theo, there is always a choice! How could poisoning yourself with drugs and getting high be for me? I can help you, but you can’t keep turning to this shit!”
I could practically hear his gears turning and saw when it clicked for him. He let out a sharp breath and grimaced, gesturing at the bottle.
“It’s really not what you think. Read the label.”
I was weirdly nervous to look away from him, but did as he said. The first thing I noticed was Theo’s name printed neatly on the sticker, which made me feel like a huge tool. It washisprescription, not some party drug he scored. But printed under that, in bold, was Lithium Carbonate.
“What is this?”
Theo’s gaze met mine, fearful and resigned. “It’s used for bipolar disorder.”
