I gently lift his chin with my free hand, ensuring our gazes meet. A tender smile graces my lips, and I whisper softly, “My sixteen-year-old self told you the same thing my twenty-six-year-old self tells you now and what my sixty-year-old self will tell you. You will always be my forever.”
His gaze flicks between my eyes, and his breath catches. “I am so fucking scared, love,” he admits, his voice trembling with vulnerability.
I run my fingers gently along his neck, trying to ease more of his tension. “Why?” I press, wanting him to share his fears with me. “Why would you be scared, babe?”
“What if…” he starts, taking a deep breath, his beautiful gray eyes coming back up to mine. “What if I lose you because she can shine back at you, and I can’t.”
I huff a laugh,my little drama queen. My hand stops massaging his neck and pulls him to me, fusing our lips while my fingers slide into his hair. We kiss like it’s the last time, trying to convey our love through that single connection until I pull back, resting my forehead on his again.
“That’s a fucking silly question. You’ll never lose me. You are my soulmate, the love of my life. There is no me without you.” The questions in his eyes are still evident when I lean back a bit. I tenderly push some of his hair away from his face, allowing my thumb to find his cheek and gently stroke it. “But she is my twin flame, and now that I found her, I can’t let her go again.”
“I can’t either,” he admits, furrowing his brows with worry. “But I am scared out of my mind. She’s with Josh.” I feel a twinge in my gut. “And she is in a bad place in her life. I know you only see that you could swoop in and help her, make her whole again. I worry that I will be the anchor that finally sinks her.”
I squeeze his hand reassuringly before I tease, “I can be the floaty that keeps us all above water.”
He chuckles softly. “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“And you get way too poetic when you’re sad,” I tease some more, letting my thumb stroke his bottom lip.
“Okay, I want this. Bad. When you want it, too, and she wants us both—” he starts, but I cut in.
“She does.”I am sure of it.
She looks at me, at us, the same way we look at her, with longing in her eyes.
“Then there’s just Josh. We want him in this, right? We are not going to break them up, right?” He looks at me sternly, searching for assurance, but it’s clear he will whoop my ass if I give him the wrong answer.
“I would never. They need each other and are good for each other. I just want to be included.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Not in their relationship. No, na-ah, I don’t love Joshy that way.” I scrunch my nose and purse my lips, eliciting a soft laugh from him.
“So, what’s the plan, love? How do we make this work?” Xander asks, tilting his head.
I shift uncomfortably on the bench seat, uncertainty gripping me. “Well, I wanted to talk to you first, and then we would have discussed it with Josh, but then she got admitted to the hospital, and I fucked things up, so that plan is out the window,” I admit, rubbing my neck.
Xander’s expression softens as he places a reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing it. “You have to fix things with Josh before we start discussing what this could be with Carolina anyway.”
Just then, Josh, Chiara, and Sophia emerge from the hospital. Sophia looks like she wants to say something to Josh, but he walks past her, heading straight for our police cruiserwithout so much as a goodbye. His brows are furrowed, and his fists are clenched at his sides, a visible storm of emotions raging within him.
I let out a sigh, watching Josh’s retreating figure. “Piece of cake,” I mutter, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
“Let’s hope this will not break our family,” Xander whispers quietly, stroking my thigh.
“Well, the rest of the shift is going to suck balls. We still have a few hours left,” I mutter.
“Look at it as karma and take it like a good boy,” Xander teases, a smile tugging his lips as I look back at him. Seeing him smile lifts the weight off my chest.
“Oh, I am going to take it like a good boy, but later, when we’re alone,” I whisper seductively, leaning in to kiss him once more. With a sense of relief, knowing that at leastweare good again, I slide out of the truck.
When I walk past the girls on my way to the police cruiser, Sophia gives me a death look as they head over to Xander’s truck to drive home. Josh doesn’t even glance my way as he climbs into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. I have to hurry to the passenger side before he speeds off without me.
“Should I drive? I don’t want us crashing because you’re mad at me,” I attempt to lighten the mood, but he gives no response. “Josh,” I begin, my voice soft.
“Don’t,” he snaps, never taking his eyes off the road, but I notice his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. “I don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to hear you. We’re professionals. Let’s keep it about the job. Say one more unnecessary word, and I can’t predict what I’ll do.”
My heart sinks, and I nod as I settle back into my seat. I’ve never seen Josh like this. I’ve truly fucked up. I wanted to discuss my feelings with him and discuss the options. But for him to find out the way he did? I understand why he’d feelbetrayed. I get that he needs time to cool off. Maybe we can talk it out when some time has passed.
With that in mind, I do my best to keep out of his way and remain as quiet as possible for the rest of the evening.
Once the shiftof hell ends and we’re home, we head upstairs to our rooms. Josh enters his with a heavy step, and I watch as he stands at his dresser and begins stuffing clothes into a laundry basket. Frozen in place, I watch him walk into his en suite bathroom and return with toiletries, throwing them on top of the clothes. Then he lifts the basket and heads for his door.
