“Wow, I always thought Lina was a prude, but look at this now,” Chiara comments casually, her words like salt in an open wound. My frustration boils over, and I whirl around to face her, my anger now directed at her.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Your sister, who’s been working three jobs for years to support you and bends backward for you, is lying hurt in a hospital bed because of you. And all you can say is something that dumb?”
“Joshy, she’s just a teenager,” Sophia interjects, her voice softening as she tries to mediate.
“Yeah, I get that,” I reply, my tone still tense. “But is it so damn difficult to appreciate what Carolina does for her?” My gaze shifts to Chiara. “You have no idea how amazing she is.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Oh, and you think you do? You don’t even know her.”
I gaze down at Carolina. At her still, beautiful face. My eyes follow the gentle rise and fall of her chest, and I try to synchronize my breaths with hers, a soothing rhythm to help me calm down.
“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t. But still, here I am, appreciating the fuck out of her. It’s not that hard.” I meet Chiara’s eyes again, noticing them welling up before she walks to the other side of Carolina’s bed and takes her hand.
She lifts it to her lips, kissing the back of it. “I’m sorry, Lina.Mi dispiace moltissimo, ” she whispers, bursting into tears.
Sophia crosses the room to wrap her arms around her from behind. “Shh, it’s going to be okay.”
I look back down to Carolina, hoping like hell my sister is right, and everything will eventually be okay for the woman I love.
THREE
I fucked up.
I fucked up so fucking badly, I can’t even think straight as I run out of the hospital, hoping like hell I can still catch Xander before he drives away from me. Thankfully, I find him sitting in his truck, just staring out the window.
I get in on the passenger side, and he doesn’t even turn to look at me when he huffs. “Took you long enough,” he accuses sharply.
“Josh had to decide if he needed to punch me or not before I could follow,” I joke, though it seemed like Josh was on the verge of doing just that.
But Xander doesn’t laugh. His expression makes me think he wouldn’t have stopped Josh if he decided the punch was necessary after all. The silence is a heavy weight in the confined space of the truck, pressing down on my chest, and I struggle to swallow with how parched my throat has become.
I reach over to take his hand, but he pulls it in his lap.Fuck,he is never evasive. When we fight, we yell it all out and make up afterward. But right now, he doesn’t look furious. He lookshurt. Hurt like I haven’t seen him since we were kids.
“Babe, I swear I?—”
“Aren’t we enough?” Xander interrupts, his voice filled with vulnerability as he finally meets my eyes.
“We are! Of course we are,” I assure him, scooting even closer. This time, he allows me to take his hand in mine. “But we could be more than enough. We could have everything… withher.”
His searching gaze holds mine, and he hesitates before speaking softly but sternly. “I am not going to risk this family and Josh’s friendship if you’re not a thousand percent sure that this is what you want.”
I sigh, frustration and longing swirling within me. “I am sure. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life besides my love foryou. Can’t you see it? She’s not just anyone. She’s a part of us. I can’t ignore what I feel for her.”
His eyes well up with hurt and confusion. “And what about what I feel, Clay?”
I bite my lip, my heart sinking more.He never calls me by my first name.“I know you care about her too, babe. This isn’t just about me.”
Xander nods slowly, his grip on my hand tightening. “You’re right. I care about her a lot. But I care about us too. I can’t bear the thought of losing you because of this.”
I reach out to wipe away a tear that has escaped from the corner of his eye. The guilt gnaws at my insides. I never wanted to cause him pain, but my heart aches because I can’t simply turn off the feelings I have for Carolina.
I lean in, my forehead touching his, and whisper softly, “But if you wouldn’t lose me over this, would it be what you want?”
I know the answer already. I’ve seen the way he looks at her and the sketches he’s hidden away, filled with longing. I would have never considered this or let myself fall so hard if I didn’t know that he was in deep too.
He is my fucking life.
Xander huffs, his shoulders relaxing a little as his gaze drops to our hands in his lap. “You can’t promise that.”
