And no more crazy. I might have put up with that in the past, but I don’t need that now. Like Chaeji. She’s beautiful, but that’s not enough anymore.
Is this what turning thirty is doing to me? Am I leveling up somehow? Or just getting older and turning into a grumpy ahjussi well before my time? Before I know it I’ll be pacing around the park in a hanbok with my hands clasped behind my back.
I have everything under control at work. Professionally, I assume I come across as a functional adult. But all of thisstufflately has thrown me for a loop, personally.
Of course, a group of teenage girls goes sprinting by me at this particular moment, and one of them definitely says, “...and Lux…” I don’t catch the rest of the sentence, but I don’t need to. That’s all it takes to have him at the forefront of my mind again.
Maybe it’s simple curiosity. Everyone daydreams, don’t they?
I’m just wondering about kissing him because I know I could. He made it very clear that he was available to me. And I’m certain that would include kissing. And possibly other activities that I absolutely cannot think about. Not now. Not again.
As I pass another of the areas to stop and take a breather, I’m impressed that I don’t actually need to, but I swear I hear someone calling my name. Slowing down from the pace I’d actually been able to establish all lost in my thoughts, I look around for someone I might recognize.
“Kim Kija!”
I hear it again and then see arms waving at me as the person comes closer. A little shorter and stockier than me, hair longer than I remember, but easily recognizable.
“Taeha?” I’m surprised—but pleasantly so—to see him. It’s been a long time since we hung out. He had been part of that same group with me—Chulsoon, Dae-Ho, Wonshik, and Junghwa—for a while after Jase had gone back to America, but had begun to distance himself much sooner. He obviously had the right idea.
As he approaches me, I can tell he hasn’t changed at all. He starts to go in for the bro-hug but hesitates, like he’s not sure it would be welcome.
I grab his hand and pull him in, patting him on the back. “It’s been way too long,” I say, wondering why I haven’t talked to him in… years, probably? “How are you? How have you been?”
Taeha smiles, warm now that I am clearly glad to talk to him. “Good. Very good. I’m happy to see you. I think of you sometimes and wonder how you are.”
“You should have reached out! I’m sorry I haven’t been better about keeping up,” I tell him honestly. “I’m not muchfor running these days, but I’m glad I came out so this could happen.” I gesture to the pavement in front of us. “You want to walk and talk a bit?”
“That would be great.” His voice pitches low, like he’s whispering conspiratorially. “I’m supposed to be out here getting ready for a 10k, but it’s a killer trying to stay motivated on the days I’m out here running alone.”
“Ten kilometers? Shit, I’m impressed. I’m dying over five,” I laugh. “I’m probably a terrible replacement for your usual partner.”
Something flickers over his face at the word “partner,” but he recovers quickly. “Not terrible, just different. You might be more my speed anyway. He’s much more dedicated than I am.”
I wince at the idea of doing this on the regular. I’m already planning on putting my sneakers in the back of the closet when I get home. “As long as that speed is slow, we’re going to be fine.”
“Perfect,” he agrees. “How have you been? You’re still at Task Force, right? I see your name pop up in articles every now and then.”
I scoff, because the only articles I’ve been mentioned in recently were about my fake relationship. “Yes, still at Task Force. I enjoy what I do. Who I work with.”
“I bet you do! All those idols? That has to be wild,” Taeha comments, stepping behind me to let a pair of powerwalking ahjummas sped by.
The idols weren’t exactly who I meant, but I know that’s what everyone immediately thinks about. And I get it. There’s some sort of cool factor about working at an entertainment company. But now I’m thinking about one idol in particular again. “What about you?” I ask. “What are you doing for work? For fun? Catch me up.”
“I work in cybersecurity for an investing firm, I’ve been there for about three years. I like it most of the time,” he tells me. “Other than that, I run occasionally.”
We both chuckle at the glacial pace we’ve fallen into, meandering along the path and talking like we have all the time in the world. It’s nice, though, to spend time with someone else accidentally. I feel comfortable with Taeha, like we can just pick up where we left off.
It’s my turn to jump out of the way for a pack of teenage boys who look very serious about staying in formation. “So who’s your partner? Anyone I know?”
Taeha practically trips over the air. “My… my partner?”
“Yeah?” I don’t understand his skittishness. “Who do you usually run with? I was just wondering if it was someone else I was familiar with. No big deal.”
“Oh, right. Um.” He pauses, looking at me warily, like he’s having a debate about how much he wants to say. “My partner is… my boyfriend. Mihyun.”
His hesitation suddenly makes sense. He’s worried about what I think. How I’ll respond. I smile and say, “Ah, so you go for the fitness guys.”
“Guilty,” Taeha admits. He still seems nervous, though. “You don’t mind?”
