“A life where we could make love without the risk of a scandalous pregnancy?” I asked with a wry smile, guessing exactly what was on his mind. Will and I had known each other since we were children, when he had come to be educated at the Abbey and we discovered that we shared a birthday. When we were both fourteen, he had kissed me for the first time, and on the day we turned seventeen, had snuck into my room. But in the five years since, we had never allowed it to go any further than this, knowing that the consequences could be disastrous, especially for me.
“I’m not afraid of…a baby,” Will murmured, splaying his hand on my soft lower belly. “Legitimate or otherwise.”
I just snorted in response. “Of course, you aren’t. You are a man, and your father would shield you from it to protect his own reputation anyway.”
“It’s not only that,” said Will, pulling my chin around so I was forced to look at him. “The secrecy, the hiding, the shame. I’m tired of it all. We’re both adults, and you aren’t some helpless young girl. You have skills.”
“Gardening?” I laughed. “Hardly a useful trade.”
“I meant your…gift, May. The healing. I’ve seen what you can do.”
I pursed my lips. Will was the only person who knew about my visit to the Arden, and my bargain with the Devil. He had never judged me, understanding that I had done it in order to protect Sissi and the Abbey. While I knew he would never betray my secret, he did not seem to truly understand the implications of it.
“My ‘gift’ is only a gift when plied under the auspices of the Church, Will, you know that. If I did the same thing under my own roof, people would whisper of magyk. They would say I’d been cast out of the Abbey for heresy, and the Iron Fist would be knocking at my door within a week. I am already set apart, plagued by whispers no matter what I do. People even go so far as to say I’ve bewitchedyou. After all, why else would Osric Scarlett’s handsome, talented, eligible son spend so much time visiting an odd little Abbey orphan?”
Will was silent for a moment, then mumbled, “I didn’t think those rumors bothered you.”
“Inside the Abbey, under Sissi’s protection, and the Archbishop’s, I can’t be touched,” I told him softly. “Outside, I’m at the mercy of the world, and the world I’ve seen spares no mercy for people like me.” I closed my eyes and turned away, not wanting him to see the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, but he pressed a kiss to the back of my neck and I felt his arm reach over me. I opened my eyes to see the little bag that had held my almonds sitting beside my head on the pillow.
“I think you missed one,” he said.
“I have no stomach for more,” I replied, shifting and sitting up. The bag tipped over and a few crumbs fell out, but so did a delicate silver ring. It rolled off the pillow and landed beside my bare thigh, stopping my breath and freezing my muscles.
“What if there was someone to protect you from the merciless world?” Will asked, hooking the ring onto his finger and propping himself up on his elbow.
“Will…” I ran my finger over the band, which was simple and slightly tarnished, but engraved with swirling vines of ivy, like the ones outside my window. The only thing that allowed us to be together.
“If you’re ready to leave your nest, to test your wings, I’ll be there to catch you.”
I took the ring from him, but did not put it on. “Your father would never allow it.”
“I’m a man now—no longer subject to the whims of my father, no matter who he might be.”
“I know you want to believe that,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair, “but it isn’t true. Your father controls you as much as he controls the rest of Nottingham, and…you do not love me enough to defy him in such a way.”
“How can you say that? Of course, I do!” He tried to put a hand on my shoulder, but I pulled away and went to my wardrobe, leaving his ring behind on the bed. The sight of my clean, gray linen dress and the white hair veil I was obliged to wear at prayer services made me strangely emotional, as if I knew they were more likely to be a part of my future than the ring, and the man holding it.
“I think…you love me only as much as you hate your father, Will,” I said, the words catching in my throat. “I won’t be the trophy you bring home to show him just how much you’ve finally slipped through his fingers. I…I want to believe I am worth more than that.” He didn’t argue, and the agonizing silence stretched between us as I busied myself with braiding my hair. When I finished, I looked over my shoulder and saw him sitting there, spinning the ring in his fingers and staring intently, as if it held all the answers to our predicament.
“You said you had other news to give me,” I finally sighed.
Will’s voice was choked with emotion when he answered. “My parents…they want me to…to marry Lady Helena.”
My head whipped around before I could stop it. “The Prince’s Shrew? Why? I mean…why you? They can’t find a nobleman desperate enough to take her off their hands?”
Will just shrugged. “Johar hasn’t been able to get a grandson from any of his daughters yet, and they’re all married to rich, pedigreed men. Apparently, it’s forced him to consider bringing in a more…‘common’ bloodline, just to secure the crown. But I think my mother had something to do with it. You know how close she and Lady Rinelda are.”
Sadness tinged his voice, but my entire being burned with rage and humiliation.
“Mercy, Will, you’re not a bloodline, you’re a person! And why would you give me this news alongside a fucking ring?”
“Because I want to marry you!”
“And you plan to tell your father this sometime before tomorrow, do you?”
“Tomorrow?” He looked at me with a rather vacant expression and I wanted to shake him by the shoulders.
“Isn’t Helena offering a kiss to the winner of the archery contest? You’ve won every year since you were sixteen, and that kiss would at least be a tacit acceptance of your parents’ wishes at the very least, don’t you think?”
