Will dropped his head into his hands. “But if I refuse Helena before the tournament, my father might pull me out, and this year the Prince is offering a favor, not just prize money.”
“And what would you ask of him?”
“A place with the Royal Archers…”
“Another thing your father would never allow,” I snorted. “He wants you to succeed him.”
“Exactly!” Will breathed. “But that’s not what I want! Winning the contest might be my only chance at joining the Archers, May. If I can get the Prince’s favor and support, my father will have no choice but to accept it, and I can finally get away from him. You could…leave the Abbey, come with me. We could be free.” He stood and walked over to put his arms around my waist.
“And what about your beautiful, royal fiancée?” I spat, hating the cruelty in my voice, but unable to stop it.
“I don’t want her, May. I wantyou.” His face pressed into my neck again, the scent of his body enveloping me in warmth and comfort—the only real love I had ever known. The only person I trusted completely. The only one who knew every secret of my past and wanted me anyway. I could not lose him to the sick games of power and control that his father and Prince Johar played in the high towers of Nottingham Keep.
I turned to face him. “You love me, Will? Truly love me, and want this to be forever?”
“Yes, more than anything,” he answered earnestly, holding the ring up between us.
“Thenshowme.” I took it from him and slid it onto the third finger of my right hand. “Prove that you love me enough to defy your father somewhere other than in the privacy of my bedroom. Do that, and I’ll leave the Abbey to marry you. We’ll go away together, leave this place behind.”
“What would you have me do?” He sounded wary, hesitant, and it put me on my guard, but I pressed forward.
“If you cannot confront your father tonight, convince him to drop this suit for Helena, then…tomorrow, when you win, accept the Prince’s favor…but refuse the kiss.”
“To humiliate Lady Helena in public…I’m not sure I’d make it out with my head.”
“So you would ask me to stand there with your ring on my finger and watch you kiss another woman?”
“It wouldn’t mean anything!”
I backed away from him, shaking my head. “Do you hear yourself? How could you ask that of me?”
“May, listen, please. Helena has never said more than ten words to me in our lives,” he insisted. “She cannot possibly want this, and I promise you, the Prince doesn’t either. I can accept the kiss, and his favor, then she and I can smooth things over with our parents afterwards.”
“Do you think she has any say in who she marries?” I fumed. “She might even count herself lucky to be given to you, considering the men her sisters were sold to! And what if the Prince decides that he likes you enough to support it? Would you defy him too?”
“I-I don’t know…”
“How could I expect you to protect me from the merciless world if you will not even protect me from the humiliation of watching you kiss someone else in front of the entire city?” I asked, fixing my face into what I hoped was a resolute expression.
Will pressed his fingers into his temples, then asked, “Would you jeopardize our future for your own petty jealousy?”
“My petty jealousy…” I repeated softly, turning back toward the wardrobe and leaning against the open door. He had never spoken to me this way before, and he might as well have struck me across the face.
A moment later, his fingers brushed the back of my arm, but I pulled it away.
“May…please…I-I didn’t mean it. I’m afraid, and I don’t know what to do, but I know I can’t lose you.”
Voice close to breaking now, I did not turn around as I murmured, “You cannot claim devotion to both me and your father, Will, and I will not force you to choose between us…not when I already know the outcome. It is easy to make promises here, when we are alone, but I will not believe them until they are said in front of others and I see you damn the consequences. I love you, Will, but…I loveallof you, so I want all of you, or none of you at all.”
I brushed hot tears from my cheeks and waited for him to speak, but when he finally did, his words were drowned out by the clang of the evening bell. The sound hit me like another blow, this one from a hammer. I quickly pulled on a clean shift, then my dress. Without bidding, Will began to lace the back for me while I pinned the white veil over my hair. When I faced him again, he brushed my remaining tears away, then gently lifted my left hand and kissed a thin scar running across the heel of my palm.
The day we’d first met, both seven years old, I had climbed too high into an apple tree on the Abbey grounds looking for fruit. Will was the first to hear mycries of distress. When he’d tried to come to my rescue, however, I’d been so afraid of the strange, new boy that I’d thrown an apple at his head. He’d fallen to the ground, cutting his own hand open on the way down. Overwhelmed by guilt and shame, I’d scrambled down and hurried him to the infirmary, then stayed by his side while the wound was disinfected and stitched up. Once we were left alone, I’d taken a small scalpel and cut a matching wound into my own palm, promising to atone for my sin by being his friend forever.
When the bell finished tolling, Will spoke again. “I need to…spend my evening thinking. Maybe…maybeI can find a way out of this without losing my head to the Princeormy father…oryou.” His gentle smile pulled back my shroud of anger, and I turned his hand over so I could see his scar too.
“I suppose I’ll have to spend my evening praying that you choose me…and yourself, my sweet Will,” I whispered. “No matter what,youdeserve better than to be made a pawn in your father’s schemes. Please remember that.”
I cupped his face between my hands and forced him to look at me. Of all the cruel things he had endured from his father, I thought this might be the cruelest—forced marriage to a capricious teenage girl known for her public displays of unkindness. Good-hearted, gentle Will, who brought me wildflowers and almonds, who endured gossip and harassment just so he could help me in the garden or the infirmary a few times a month. As much as I wanted to take the burden of this decision off his shoulders, it was his to bear. He would have to be the one to decide our future.
