I shift two sheets of paper over the page, so they block everything but the line I’m reading, and I run my finger beneath each word, like I used to when I had to read for school.
Low cation exchange capacity and residual compaction may reduce nutrient availability and delay uptake.
Ok… low cation exchange capacity…
I shift my gaze out into the dark garage as I let these words settle. Cation exchange is how soil holds and releases nutrients. So, if that’s low, and if the soil is still compacted in spots, it can’thold or move nutrients the way it needs to. So even if itlooksready… it’s probably not readyenough.
I slide the sheets down to reveal the next line of the report.
Recommend monitoring GDD accumulation to determine optimal planting window based on emergence thresholds in this zone.
I blink and read it again. And again, and again. What the fuck does that even mean?
The longer I stare at it, the more the words jumble, and I lose my grip on any understanding I may have had.
A harsh breath escapes me, and I press my fingers to my eyes. GDD… I know that means growing degree days, a measure of heat to predict plant development. But emergence thresholds? Accumulation? How do I monitor that, and what am I monitoring? And what zone? The entire field? Part of it?
I tip my head back and blow out a breath, squeezing my hands into fists and releasing them a few times.
Planting will start within the next two weeks.
But I still want to hold off on this field for a bit longer. The soil is staying too wet, cold, and too inconsistent overnight. And if we plant too early, we’re risking rot again. Even though we’ve planted in these conditions in other fields and it’s worked out… this field needs everything to be… comfortable. And Iknowit’s close. It’s just not there yet.
I drop my eyes to the report in front of me again, but the words are still a jumbled mess.
A frustrated noise escapes me as I lean forward and rest my forehead on the bench.
I need this. I need this to work. I needsomethingto go well, and something to focus on… Ineedthis.
The sound of the side door opening echoes through the garage, and I immediately sit up as my heart thrashes, and my eyes fly over to it. I watch as the shadowy figure steps closer, and my hands tingle. But when Papa steps into the light, my chest falls as I release my breath and relief floods through me.
He holds up a paper bag. “You really thought Mama would let you get away without this?”
“No,” I say, watching him as he sets it on the bench. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came down early.”
Papa nods, looking over the papers on the bench. “Hm,” he hums. “And?”
I release a breath and gather them up, shoving them back into the folder. “I don’t know.”
“Sure you do,” he says. He leans against the workbench as I look up at him, and he searches me for a moment. “How are you doing?”
“Fine,” I say quickly, shifting my gaze back to the bench, looking at nothing in particular.
Papa is quiet for a moment, then pushes the paper bag towards me.“Eat.”
I give the bag a disinterested look, not even feeling hungry. But he pushes it closer again.
With an eye roll aimed his way, I grab it and pull out a blueberry muffin.
He huffs a small laugh and claps me on the shoulder as he pushes himself off the bench.“Atta boy. I’ll be around.”
I nod as I take a bite. “Thanks,” I say, and let my eyes drift back to the folder as Papa’s footsteps fade away, and he leaves the garage.
Iknowthis field can’t be planted with the others. Iknowit needs more time.
So that means I have time to figure everything out, too.
I push up from my stool and start gathering everything I need to begin oil changes on the tractors. I line everything up, just how I like it, and keep my focus on my work. I don’t need to think about the report right now… or anything else. I don’twantto think about anything else.
