I wasn’t sane. Not at all.
“I didn’t bring anything to sleep in,” he said coyly, coming back from the bathroom after we’d mindlessly settled on watching sport on TV, theonly thing that didn’t seem to trigger me into panic. Now he was…strangely…undressed. Wearing one of my T-shirts, carrying a hanger with his clothes. “Found it on the side in the bathroom. Smells clean enough.”
“It’s clean,” I agreed. Also? Not freaking out.
I was freaking out.
“I have no expectations,” he said, like he knew exactly what demons were terrorising my fragile head. It was a bit much. Much too much. “Okay if I hang my stuff here in the hallway?”
I shrugged.
“Didn’t want to start rummaging for space in the wardrobes.”
“Didn’t stop you in the kitchen?” I hoped he was…taking that as intended.Please don’t leave. Please don’t…do what I did.
“Look, Oliver. I realise what…that perhaps…yes. I overreacted…back there. It was just too much and too overwhelming, and…”
“Yes,” he said sternly, crossing his arms.
He was… Oh God. I couldn’t even think it to myself without cringing.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I was. I was so sorry for so much. So many things.
“I’m not.” Defiant. Proud.
“Good.”
“Good what?”
“That you’re not sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about, Oliver. I…”
“I’m tired,” he declared, still with that edge of anger in his voice. Here we were again. Up and down. I had no idea where I stood.
No idea where I actually wanted to stand.
“Bed.” I stood myself up. What was right or wrong? Black or white?
One step in front of the other. I shuffled over to the front door. Locked it and flicked off the light. It wasn’t that late. Too early. Maybe not?
“We used to use the bedroom upstairs, but then…after. I couldn’t.” I had no idea why I couldn’t even form a proper sentence.
“Understandable,” he replied. Like this was somehow a conversation that made sense.
“The office used to… I… The boys helped. We moved things around. Bought a big bed for down here and a new TV, and the loo is next door anyway. Bathroom upstairs,” I declared, like I was giving him a grand tour.
“I had a look around earlier.”
“The boys’ rooms are upstairs, and they turned the other room into a gaming den.”
“Nice.”
“Handy.”
I had to let out an embarrassed laugh.
“I’m terrible company. And I keep telling you things I have no business telling you. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologising. You said it. It’s fine. I’m still angry with you, but…”
