“Adelia—”
“I’m fine.” I cut my sister off, shaking out my hands in an effort to build courage for the next part of the day.
“This is wrong.” Determination sparkled in her hazel eyes, so much like our mother’s, and another flash of pain sliced through my chest. If only she were here, my mother would give me advice on the right way forward. Everything I had done, every choice I made, was all for her.
For her and for Eleanor.
Failure closed in on me like a crushing weight I could never escape. Every decision I made led me further from my goal. How could I know what was best?
“Lia,” Eleanor begged as Wista and Pierce approached down the now-empty aisle.
I shook my head, doing my best to clear my spiraling thoughts. I needed to pull myself together, Eleanor was counting on me. The entire kingdom was.
Reaching into my pocket, I grasped the lamp, using the humming vibration to ground me even though I didn’t deserve it.
“It’s just … been a long day,” I said on a sigh. When I looked into her eyes again, I was reminded of what was at stake if I failed.
My beautiful sister.
Who saw the best in everyone. Who deserved so much more than what life was going to throw at her. I had to be strong for her. I would make it through this day … and every day after.
For her.
By the time I returned to Terym’s side, the fog in my mind had somewhat cleared. I tried to appear more alert, doing my best to convince the king I was going along with the marriage. We entered the ballroom arm in arm, a picture of the perfect couple. I smiled when needed and made small talk with the many new people introduced to me.
I sipped on sweet wine and ate the delicious vanilla cream cake.
The entire time, my heart ached and my stomach was sick, the lamp heavy in my pocket. Even without his presence, Shade held most of my focus. I couldn’t get that look out of my mind.
His hurt.
I should have never let it go as far as it did. I should have never kissed him. And after … Gods, how I regretted the upset I caused.
When the night finally wound down, my feet were sore and my head throbbed from too much wine. I took a moment to hide in a dark corner of the room, tugging at the corset strangling my chest, more than ready for the day to be over.
I longed to hide in my room to try and coax Shade from the lamp. I needed to talk to him.
“There you are, my dear.” Wine sloshed on my dress when I flinched at Terym’s sickly sweet voice. He gripped my elbow, jerking me to face him. Glazed eyes spoke to the number of drinks he had consumed, but the sneer slashed across his face was the true concern.
“My king?”
“I expect no problems from you tonight, dear Adelia. I’ve been waiting for this day, and I won’t let anything stand in my way. Go get ready for me.” He shoved me toward the door, making me stumble and almost face plant the floor.
Get ready for him?
Fuck.
This was it. I had to go through with it. The wedding night.
Consummation.
An heir.
So numb and wrapped up in my own thoughts all day, it had slipped my mind. That this was expected.
Oh, Gods.
Bile burned the back of my throat at the thought of those hands on me. Terym’s hands. Touching me where Shade had been only the night before.
