Not only that, but he would take my virtue. Something I had kept intact for so long. As if the Gods themselves knew I would need it to release Shade, and instead of giving it to him, Terym would take it for himself. Against my will.
The room spun around me, faces blurred and laughter boomed loudly, making my head throb. My breaths came in short pants, black lining my vision, and I clawed at my throat.
Air. I needed air.
Pools of brown swam in and out of focus.Wista.
Hands gripped mine, squeezing rhythmically as lips formed words, but I couldn’t make them out. Couldn’t hear anything past the pulsing in my ears, the blood pumping in my veins.
Why was it so loud?!
Another squeeze of my hand, in time with her own exaggerated breaths. I tracked the sensation, struggling to keep my eyes focused.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
In. Out.
Wista’s features cleared, the ringing in my ears receded, and I could finally hear her. “That’s it,” she murmured, keeping up the rhythmic pattern. “You’re doing great.”
“Thank you,” I said, voice hoarse from the attack and the caring tenderness she continued to show me. I wouldn’t have lasted this long without her. One day, I would repay her for everything she had done for me. I didn’t know how or when, but I would.
Familiar laughter caught my attention, and I realized Wista had dragged me behind a large plant, partially hiding me from view of the partygoers. Looking past her shoulder, I found Eleanor on the dance floor, laughing as Harkin spun her aroundthe room. Pierce, of course, glared from the sideline, tracking every twirl, with arms crossed against his chest.
The sight of my sister, so carefree and happy, enjoying herself without worry, filled my chest with warmth. I had to do this for her. For her future. That was the promise I’d made to my mother, to keep her safe.
Even if I lost myself in the process.
“Adelia?”
I dragged my gaze from Eleanor’s smiling face and looked at my friend. “I’m ready.”
Wista didn’t call me out on the lie.
We left the merriment of the ballroom—each footstep closer to my suite a tick of the clock counting down my doom. My insides a maelstrom of emotions I couldn’t quite decipher. An intricate part of my soul knew it wasn’t supposed to be like this. There was only one person I was supposed to give myself to, and that person was not myhusband.
When we arrived at my suite, Wista helped me from the gown I had worn all day and into a disgustingly sheer nightdress. The worst by far, almost identical to the ones the dancing women had worn at my first formal dinner in the castle. I sat in front of the dresser while Wista pulled the pins from my hair, slowly releasing the dark strands to fall in waves around my shoulders.
I avoided my reflection, instead focusing on the small portrait of Eleanor Harkin had commissioned for me. The sight of her soft hazel eyes filled with amusement gave me strength. The artist had captured her beauty and innocence so completely it was almost like she was in the room with us.
The bed in the mirror’s reflection was mocking; it had been changed with fresh white sheets and the blankets turned down in preparation for us. The memories of the intimate moments I experienced with Shade on it flickered in my mind. They would be tainted by something else by the end of the night.
It was that bed where Shade had first kissed me. There, he had held me when I’d been hurt by the king, and he had watched over me every night since.
My gut roiled, the delicious food I consumed all day threatening to make a reappearance.
I couldn’t do it.
Terym would touch me. Would—I stopped my thoughts before they went down that dark path.
My mouth dry, I stared at Eleanor’s portrait again, imagining the child I had comforted after our parents’ deaths. Who cried in my arms every night for a year afterward. She had already lost so much and at such a young age. She was just a child …
Terym wanted a child. An heir. He would come back again and again, until I was pregnant.
What would become of me then? Of Eleanor?
Of the child?
He would have an even stronger hold on me, a way to manipulate me more than ever, because I knew in my soul if I had a child, I would do anything for them.
