Nell jumps in. ‘No worries, they gave me one too. Some people express their gratitude in words, other people shower fifty quid notes around.’ She gives him an extra hard stare. ‘It was aproposal, Charlie, life events don’t get more momentous. We made it marvellous, they’re showing they’re happy. End of.’
If we’re talking gratitude, I want to fling my arms around Nell for taking the flap out of Charlie.
‘Great.’ He’s still holding up the note between his fingers. ‘Well as you seem to have missed out on the shower, Clems, I’ll give this to you.’ He leans over and tucks the fifty quid under the prosecco bottle. ‘Careful you don’t lose it. As Nells says, proposal windfalls don’t happen every day.’ The way he leaves it hanging is loaded with implication.
I’m quaking because we’re a whisker away from paying party guests here. I rack my brain for a reply. ‘So, while we’re talking cash, I’ve been meaning to ask you about Airbnb.’ It’s not the greatest timing, but it’s the truth and it moves us on to safer ground. As the first part of my strategy for getting what I want it’s good to get it out there.
He shrugs. ‘Fine, it’s a big subject, what do you want to know?’
I try to make it sound casual. ‘Well, it’s still up in the air, but I’m trying to find extra ways to earn. Not wanting to tread on your toes, but I was thinking about Airbnb?’ Maybe letting my bedroom while I sleep in the smaller room. Or I could stay with Plum or Nell and let out the whole flat for weekends.
Nell’s straight in there. ‘So would Airbnb give Clemmie a better year round return overall than a longer let? Could she do occasional nights? What are the pros and cons? And do Dainty Dusters give you a special Seaspray deal?’
Now we’ve both said our piece, we’re waiting expectantly.
Charlie does one of those tradesman’s blows. Not that I’m familiar with them first hand, but my mum’s a bit of an expert. I’m talking about the kind of moment where the plumber expels every bit of air in his body, then tells you your boiler’s frigged. Or the garage mechanic’s snort that almost whooshes your rust heap off the forecourt but actually means you need a new car.
If I don’t hurry him up, we could be here all night. ‘So, Charlie?’ I’m ready for my bed so I’d like to get this over as soon as.
His second, smaller version of the tradesman choke comes out as a sigh. ‘I’m sorry to be the one to break bad news, but you’d be jumping the gun to plan any type of let on the flat as it is.’
I can’t help flaring up. ‘If you think you can get all proprietorial and stop me letting, you … you … you’ve got another think coming.’
He takes a step back. ‘Come on Clems, youknowI wouldn’t stand in your way like that.’ He sounds wounded rather than cross. ‘It’s more about the state of the flat.’ So now the truth’s coming out.
True, it’s not had the arse designed off it, but I love this place and I’m not going to sit back and let him slag it off. ‘I know the colours are a bit wild and it’s shabbier than chic, buteveryone apart from youseems to love it.’ My party regulars, for example. Although, obviously, I’ll be keeping them out of this. I stick out my chin. ‘If maximalist really is the new minimalist, you could have a white elephant on your hands next door.’
He’s shaking his head. ‘Clems, it’s not the decor that’s the problem, it’s the Electrical Safety Certificate. To get a that you’d probably need a full rewire. And it would make sense to re-plumb and re-plaster at the same time. Realistically you end up doing a full refurb.’
‘Excuse me?’ If I’m honest he lost me at the word ‘Clems’.
He gives a resigned sigh. ‘I know these flats inside out. The Residents Committee need that certificate too. In the long term, you’ll have to sort all these things out, regardless of whether you live here or you let.’
‘Hang on …’ Mentally, I’m running to catch up, and howling silently. ‘So is thisas wellas the ten grand you mentioned back in April?’ Not that I’ve actually got that yet. I’m clasping my stomach, because I feel like someone just kicked me in the guts.
He nods. ‘The ten grand is for exterior work. Inside the cost would vary depending on the work. Even though your flat is small you’re still talking tens of thousands.’
‘I can’t afford that.’ Somehow my scream is happening on the outside not the inside.
Charlie closes his eyes and his voice is calm and resigned. ‘The thing is Clems, you can’tnotafford it. Unless you close the flat up youhaveto havesomework done.’
So much for my wish list. I’m totally scuppered before I’ve even begun.
Nell’s patting my knee. ‘Why don’t we talk about this again tomorrow?’
‘Or …’ Charlie folds his arms and leans his shoulder against the wall. ‘Better still, George and I have bills for work that’s been done here already, and Nell’s great with figures. If the three of us put our heads together on this, we’ll be able to work out some rough costings. Then you’ll know where you stand, Clems.’
I’m taking in that he’s throwing me a lifeline here, but I’m way beyond being saved. I already know I’m shafted. ‘Brillibobs, that soundsfab.’
He tilts his head at Nell. ‘Is that okay with you, Nellie Melon?’
I wrinkle my nose at how cute that sounds as he says it. ‘So who told you she was called that?’
He laughs. ‘Sophie mentioned it earlier, but I might have heard George say it too.’
I can’t help smiling at how Sophie’s suddenly embracing Charlie, welcoming him into the inner fold telling him our kiddie names.
‘I know you have a lot on in the evenings. Would seven Thursday morning at George’s work for you? I’ll pick up breakfast for the three of us from the bakery on my way down. Then we’ll thrash some numbers around over coffee,’ Charlie finishes.
