‘Wasn’t that a bit public?’ This is St Aidan we’re talking about after all. People here know what you’re thinking before you’ve thought it.
Nell laughs. ‘It wasn’t like we met up at Jaggers or the Hungry Shark. Everyone we know drinks in town early doors, so I knew I’d be as good as invisible up at the Harbourside.’
I’m treading carefully. ‘You didn’t consider going back for more?’ If it was so spectacular, some of us would have been tempted. Even Plum goes back for seconds in exceptional cases.
Nell lets out a groan. ‘It’s not fair to get involved when you’re falling apart inside. In any case, it was too embarrassing.’
Now I’ve heard it all. ‘Would it help to share why?’
I can sense her shudder. ‘There was way too much screaming and crying all round. I couldnevergo there again, ever. End of.’
It makes sense to sound her out. ‘So let’s go with a more general question. In your opinion as a proven matchmaker, if there was someone really nice you got to know gradually, the kind of person who’s empathetic and fun and decorativeandgives you a butterfly storm – if you’d been out of the game a while, wouldtheybe worth taking a chance on?’ I’ve always had Nell down as a butterfly girl rather than a fanny flutter person. Although if someone’s had her screaming, we may be revising that.
From her tone, she has to be rolling her eyes here. ‘I suppose you’re asking this for a “friend”?’
I’m straight back at her. ‘Obviously.’ I hope she isn’t twisting this.
She sniffs. ‘True butterflies are rare. If they’re there, you have to be brave. Tell her from me – this one’s worth it, Clemmie. She has to go for him.’
It’s my duty to say this, however much it’s screwing up my insides. ‘Charlie mentioned you’d been chatting earlier.’ Then I move on lightly to the only other place I can immediately think of. ‘So, were wereallylooking for my dad the day we walked to Oyster Point? Because I can’t remember that bit at all.’ Too late I remember, custard sandwiches would have done the job here.
From her intake of breath, I know she’s got my meaning. ‘Of course we were searching for your dad. We were five, the rest of us had dads, we got it in our heads we should find yours.’
I’m puzzled. ‘But why on the beach?’
She laughs. ‘I’ve no idea about that. Other than we were there, and we were using our initiative searching the crowds. It must have affected your mum deeply though because before that she’d never dated, and she got together with Harry not long afterwards.’
I shake my head as I think about it. ‘I suppose you never really know if what you remember is real, especially if other people remember it differently. My brain doesn’t flash up clear cut pictures to order like with you and Plum and Sophie.’
Nell shifts in her chair. ‘People’s memory triggers vary. Going back to Laura’s and making her sweets has brought a lot of things back for you.’
I laugh. ‘But usually there’s just one huge blank.’ It’s very frustrating not having a great memory. I always accepted it as one of those things I couldn’t change, and it was a bummer when it came to exam time. If only I’d had a better memory I might even have got some decent grades instead of always bumping along the bottom of the class. ‘When I think back to being a child, saying that something was missing is putting it too strongly. But I always had a vague sense that something indefinable wasn’t there.’
Nell nods. ‘Twins often say they feel something similar if they were separated at birth. Your mum did a great job. Before Harry came the two of you were a rock-solid unit. Apart from her crappy cooking she gave you everything you could have wanted and more. After the walk to Oyster Point your mum was so upset I think it stopped your curiosity. Maybe that was a bad thing.’
‘Mum and Harry are brilliant parents; I couldn’t have been any more loved. But when we used to build those huge sand castles with a moat around, it only took the tiniest part of the outer wall to collapse, and the water all flooded away. For me it’s as if a tiny part of my outer wall isn’t there and that gap lets me drift.’
Her hand lands on mine on the chair arm. ‘This could be the whole reason why you’ve found it hard to find anyone you wanted to commit to until now. What with you feeling you don’t measure up for a relationship, and Sophie endlessly trying to prove herself, these absent fathers have a lot to answer for.’ This is more Plum’s kind of summing up than Nell’s.
I’m gobsmacked by what she’s implying here. ‘I’m still a fully paid up member of the Foot Loose and Fancy Free Club, thanks very much.’
Nell’s laugh is throaty. ‘My bad. I was forgetting, it’s your “friend” who’s getting fanny flutters for the guy next door.’ She comes in close and drops her voice. ‘Did you notice how sweet Charlie was with Levi?’
I can’t help agreeing about Levi. If she’s right about the other, I’d never say. ‘They were so cute with Levi asleep on Charlie’s stomach.’ If the tender expression on Charlie’s face has etched itself onto my brain uninvited, I’m not going to let on.
She sniffs. ‘It turns your toes to syrup every time when you see a guy being so good with a baby, doesn’t it?’
I’m going to have to play this down. ‘It’s probably an age thing, the alarms on our biological clocks go bonkers the second we pass thirty.’
Nell’s laugh bursts out. ‘Tell that one to your bestie. I reckon that thump in the solar plexus has a lot more to do with lust than alarm clocks.’
Even though I’m not exactly sure who’s talking about who here I let out a loud guffaw, to show I totally get the joke. Then as a scrabble of paws hits the balcony outside Charlie’s open doors, it turns to hysterical giggles in case he’s heard.
‘Everyone get home okay?’ Even if it’s a relief for me to move on from talking about fathers, I’m surprised to see him back, because we did the ‘goodnights’ earlier.
Charlie’s eyes are narrow, glinting as the rising moon lights up his white shirt. ‘Ben and Rach are home safely, they spent the entire journey telling me how grateful they were. Then as I got out of the car at theirs they gave me this.’ He digs in the pocket of the jeans he changed into before they left, and as he wiggles his fingers, the note he’s holding up twitches. ‘It’s fifty quid, they said it was a tip. Does that mean anything to anyone?’
‘Damn.’ My throat goes so dry, even though I’m opening and closing my mouth no more words will come out.
