He nodded. ‘I understand. And do you actually want kids?’
She smiled tearily. ‘Honestly, more than anything. The money you’re paying me this year . . . If I decide to pursue that path . . . it will help fund IVF treatment. If I need it.’
On an emotionally-laced exhale, Matthew’s head dropped as he processed this revelation. The outcome of their year together could change Sarah’s future for the better, just as much as his. While he took solace in this fact, he knew that IVF wasn’t a quick fix. He had heard plenty of stories of couples struggling through the process for years. Matthew knew she was strong, and knew that if anyone could face that challenge with dignity and clear resolve it would indeed be Sarah. But his heart ached for her, knowing what potentially lay ahead.
He took her hands back into his. ‘Sarah, whatever that future looks like – kids, no kids – it will be a great future. Not having children isn’t a failure.’ He scowled. ‘There’s so much pressure put on people, especially women, to have kids. It’s no measure of your success in life.’ He drew her in for another long embrace. ‘If IVF is something you want to pursue, I am so proud of you and your strength and determination. And I’m so sorry that I’ve made you upset like this. It wasn’t my intention.’
‘It’s better like this, anyway. Now you know,’ she sighed, resting against his chest.
Suddenly, Matthew was filled with a sense of dread. ‘Last week, when we . . . you know . . . did it hurt? I mean, didIhurt you?’
Sarah managed a giggle and pulled back to face him. ‘No. It was far from painful. Trust me.’ Her eyes narrowed in playfully on his, and he was thankful to see the return of her smile. ‘Now, don’t go and get a big head, but you should probably know that was some of the best sex of my life. If notthebest.’ She threw her face into her hands and shook her head. ‘Why the hell did I tell you that?’
Matthew threw his head back and laughed in delight. ‘I’ve still got it,’ he joked. ‘But it’s easy when you’ve got the right partner.’
‘Touché. It takes two to . . . you know.’
‘God, we’re adults and can’t even say “have sex”,’ he laughed again.
‘I know. Well, “have sex” sounds better than “make love”. What you gave me that night was a mercy shag.’
‘Mercy for all!’ he cooed.
‘Shh, Angelo!’
‘He’s got no idea!’ Matthew’s eyes had found their usual brightness again in the afternoon sun. ‘But, in all seriousness, tell me if it ever hurts. I don’t want to cause you any pain or discomfort.’
‘That’s highly presumptuous thinking, Signor D’Adamo,’ she teased.
‘You know what I mean,’ he replied, feeling his cheeks flush.
‘My last procedure was a few months ago, so I should be right for a while. At least the next year. For me right now, the biggest issues are bloating andreallyheavy, painful periods.’
‘Tell me when you’re feeling like that, Sarah. Please. I’ll do whatever I can to help.’
Comforted by his support and kindness, Sarah was relieved that he knew how things sat with her. ‘Thank you. You’re so kind.’ Catching a whiff of the morning’s gardening session on her clothes, Sarah said, ‘I think I might go freshen up and have a shower. You’ll be ok?’
‘Go. I’ll be right here.’
She gave him a final hug and headed off in the direction of their room.
Matthew sat at the table for a few minutes, overwhelmed by the turn of events. He was desperate to make sure Sarah felt secure and supported, and couldn’t move past the fact that Simon had pushed her out of his life. Though he’d never thought about starting a family of his own, Matthew wondered if that might change if he were suddenly faced with the prospect of it never being a reality.
He took a look at the sketchbook she had been working on and he assessed the sketches and notes she had made, a testament to her dedication and ardour for anything she set her mind to. Sarah deserved someone who was equally passionate about her.
Matthew let out an exasperated sigh, ran his fingers through his hair, then made a beeline to find Angelo in the orchard.
Matthew knocked on their bedroom door, but there was no reply. Pressing his ear to the wooden panel, he could just make out the faint sound of the shower running, so he stepped inside.
He made his way to the end of their bed and sat down by the bundle of clothes Sarah had left there. On top of the pile sat her go-to black lace t-shirt bra; nothing special by any stretch of the imagination, but his vivid recall of how she looked in it immediately sent a charge through his body.
Matthew heard the water shut off and the familiar metallic spin of the rack as Sarah pulled down her waiting towel. He gave her a moment or two, not wanting to overwhelm her. Collecting her clothes and a few other odds and ends from the bed, he smoothed over the covers with his palm.
Sarah was now at the basin, rummaging through her drawer. Wrapped in a towel, and with another around her wet hair, she was surprised to find Matthew standing by the slightly opened door.
‘You ok?’ he whispered.
She nodded her reply. The red tinge to her eyes suggested otherwise, but the dampness of her shower-fresh skin did well to hide her tears. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she said softly, pulling the towel from her hair, dropping it by the basin.
