I get it; from his demeanor and how he was trembling in my arms, anything sexual is new to him. But he liked what we did. Until he safe-worded, he really liked it.
Does his safe-wording mean he doesn’t want more? Is he done?
I need to know.
With words.
I have no more classes for the day, so I head to my office, expecting to see Luca there. But my office is empty, papers stacked neatly on my desk. There are still some boxes in the corner that need to be filed away, but Luca has made good progress. None of my previous TAs did more than keep my current papers separate—Luca has catalogued everything I’ve done over the past fifteen years.
He’s too good to lose, but I don’t like wondering.
Not pausing to think, I leave my office and head over to the library. From what I’ve gleaned about Luca, he’s either in my office, his dorm, or the library. I’d rather he be in the library, since someone seeing me walking to the dorms will raise more questions than I’m willing to answer.
Light rain lands on my skin, cooling me and calming my racing heart. What will I do if Luca tells me that whatever we did won’t happen again? Or worse, what if he says that he doesn’t feel safe around me and is trying to keep a professional distance to avoid trouble?
That almost pulls me up short, but if that is the case, I want to know, so I can stay out of his way to ensure he’s not uncomfortable.
The fact that Luca has my head fucked up is apparent, because I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s comfort but my own. What is it about him that makes me want to make sure he’s okay? His shyness? His willingness to be good? I’m not sure, but I want to figure it out. I can’t if he’s hiding from me, though.
Entering the library, I look around for Luca. I don’t find him on the first or second floor, so I jog up to the third floor, though I don’t expect to find him there. No one uses this floor. It’s mostly history books that have to be checked out with a special note from the librarians and only read in separate rooms so they’re not taken from the library.
I make a loop of the floor and don’t see him there either. I almost give up when I hear rustling in one of the far corners. Taking a chance, I inch over, peeking around the stacks to see if he’s there.
I’m surprised when I see him sitting by the window, looking out at the grounds as if he’s deep in thought.
He hasn’t noticed me yet, so I take the time to study his profile.
He’s beautiful, with his wide doe eyes, brown hair, and contemplative expression. His plump bottom lip is pulled between his teeth and I can see the dip in his eyebrows.
Something claws inside of me, telling me that I’ll end up broken like last time, but I can’t walk away. Not unless he tells me to.
“Luca,” I say as softly as possible, so I don’t startle him.
Still, he jerks like someone shocked him, whirling around and scrambling out of the chair so fast he almost falls.
I take hurried steps forward to right him, bringing our bodies close. Luca’s eyes widen as I steady him, and he gulps audibly. “Professor?” he whispers. “Did I do something wrong?” If possible, those eyes get even rounder. “Oh God, did I forget to leave those assignments out? I put them?—”
“No,” I assure him. “I got them. Thanks. You did a good job organizing them.”
That twinkle I’m growing addicted to dances in his eyes as I praise his work.
“Thank you.” He ducks his eyes, but I can still see that blush. My fingers twitch against his back, wanting to smooth against the warmth on his cheeks.
That snaps Luca out of whatever trance we were just in, because he squirms. I sigh as I let him go.
“Were you… did you need me to do something, then?” he asks, pulling his long sleeves between his fingers.
I’m not the type of man who beats around the bush about anything. I’m blunt, direct, and say what needs to be said.
Still, I soften my tone when I ask Luca, “Is everything okay? You’ve been distant, and I want to know why.”
Those rounded eyes flick up to mine as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. I want to pull it free and taste where those impressions are deep in his flesh. It’s a near thing, my body almost swaying into his. But I need answers more than I want to steal a kiss from him.
He opens his mouth, a soft sound bursting free before he closes it again. Luca stares at me for a few beats before he finally sighs. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“With my office?” I ask in confusion.
His hair flops around his face as he shakes his head. “No. Not that. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do after… after…”
