Crista gives me a droll look. “Fine, keep your secrets. But what’s up? I know it’s not about that shit with Justin. He’s out of your class and into mine.”
I almost feel bad, but I don’t tolerate disrespect and everyone knows it. Why Justin thought it was okay is beyond me, but he’s dropped from my rolls. I honestly hope that fucker fails. Something about him rubs me the wrong way, like he wants to take the path of least resistance by barreling through his obstacles, no matter who or what is in his way, instead of doing the work to get where he wants to go. That kind of shit will come back to bite him, but I won’t be the one to warn him. A knucklehead like him has to learn on his own.
“Yeah, well,” I say, shrugging as the server comes over with our lunch. “You shouldn’t have told me what he said if you didn’t want me to address it. That’s your bad.”
“Nah-uh,” she says, wagging her finger at me. “Don’t try to change the subject. Is the cutie the reason your knickers are in a twist?”
“Knickers?” I ask, ticking up an eyebrow. Crista just stares at me, waiting on an answer. “No,” I grit out, but he is.
For the past few weeks, Luca has been different. He’s been working just the same, getting my shit organized in a system that is easy to keep up with as long as I reference his little guide. He’s graded papers, given out assignments, taken attendance. All the things I need him to do.
But he’s been distant. He keeps his gaze from me, those big brown expressive eyes that draw me in. I can’t see that pretty blush that lights up his cheeks when I tell him he’s done a good job. He’s hiding from me and I don’t know why.
Ineedto know why. It’d be a fucking mistake to ask, especially because I’m a professor, but I need to know what’s changed in the few weeks since Luca came to the club.
Crista sighs and puts her fork down. “From how Mika described him… Mad, you know he’s your ex, right?”
Well, looks like other people will be opening that fucking box for me.
Of course I fucking know. But my brain is getting it all confused and I need to straighten it out. I can’t do that if Luca won’t tell me whether I’ve done something or if he’s just…
Not going there. It’s been over twenty years. I need to keep a lid on that fucking box.
I glare at Crista, who meets my gaze head on. I made the mistake of telling her about my past one drunken night. I didn’t think she’d ever bring it up, didn’t think she’d ever have a reason to bring it up, but here we are.
“I shouldn’t have told you about that,” I grumble, stabbing my salad with more force than necessary.
Crista shrugs. “That’s what friends do. You know all my shit. It’s only right that you share with me.”
Yeah, I know all of Crista’s shit. We got closer because I almost committed a felony when she told me about the issuesshe was having at home. Still, I should have kept my past shit to myself.
“Not when you bring it up out of the blue,” I snap.
She scrutinizes me. “Is it out of the blue? You’re always a grumpy bastard, but you’ve been on ten since that night at Mask. I thought you’d have a good time getting out of your head, but it seems like that trip made shit worse.” She lays her hand over mine, giving me a deep, searching look. “I won’t pressure you to go out again. I really was trying to help.”
Sighing, I set my fork down and pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.
Any other night, I would have found myself a willing body and sunk into them, getting my nut so I could be on an even keel until the next time Crista dragged me out. But seeing Luca there, how clueless and fucking green he was… I’d only wanted him.
I’m not sure how I didn’t learn from my mistakes of the past, but Luca has taken up residence in my brain and I don’t want to give up. Not until I know what’s going on. I’m too old to guess or let shit fester without discussion.
Looking back at Crista, I say, “I’m good. Stop stressing about me and my attitude. It’s always been this bad.”
She snorts. “Yeah, and pigs fly. You made another student cry in the hallway just because he didn’t say excuse me. You’re big, but you’re not ‘take up all the hallway’big. You’re being a bully and you’re only like that when something is on your mind or you haven’t come in a while. Which is it?”
“Get out of my business,” I grumble, which only makes her laugh.
Thankfully, she drops her inquisition and we talk about school and her and Mika moving into a house they bought together.
The way her face lights up when she talks about her girlfriend makes me feel… jealous. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ll never have what she does or if Iwantwhat she has.
She’s so sure in her relationship with Mika, their foundation so strong that nothing could shake their love and devotion for each other.
I had that once.
At least I thought I did.
We finish lunch, and while I’m driving back to campus, I try to untangle all the shit going on in my head. Luca has been nothing but professional the entire time he’s been my TA, but for the past couple of weeks, he’s been too professional, keeping a distance like what we shared never happened.
