I don’t want to tell her I haven’t had a chance to taste anything she’s sent me since I moved into the dorm room with Zander unless I find it first. He absolutelydevourseverything, and after the first time when he looked so apologetic, I told him I didn’t like sweets.
It’s the biggest lie—I love everything my grandma bakes and sends to me… but I love Zandy more, so…
The last time she sent something, he took the leftovers and gave them to his friend, Russ.
“That sounds great, Grandma. Thank you.” It is great, even if it isn’t great for me.
“You’re a sweet boy, Luca. I know things are hard for you sometimes, and I know you keep things bottled up. You always have, though.” That’s the understatement of the century, but I’m not going to tell her about everything plaguing me. I don’t know how she’d react to the knowledge that I’m starting to think I definitely like men. My dad had no idea, but I’d heard the way he talked and the words he used to insult me enough to knowexactlyhow he’d feel about it. I do know if she didn’t take it well, it would crush me more than anything else could.
So.
“I’ll be okay, Grandma. Especially if I have you to call for advice.” I can feel the slight wobble in my voice, and the soft, soothingshushshe gives tells me she can too.
“I’ll always be here for that, sweetheart. You know I’m just a call or visit away. Come home soon, hm? Grandpa and I miss you.”
I miss them too. I love school, and I love learning… but there are definitely times that I miss our house in the middle of nowhere, the stretch of stars above us…
And the ability to actuallyeatthe cookies my grandma bakes me.
“I’ll see you for Christmas, okay? I love you.”
“Love you too, Luca.”
After I hang up the phone, I’m left staring at the screen. When my eyes lift to the window and the fat droplets of rain sliding down the glass, I sigh. My resolve to quit before things get weird is gone, falling to the ground like the water streaking down the windowpane.
Which means I have to figure out some other way to make sure I can survive the rest of this semester with Professor Levine and the memory of how it feels to have his body pressed to mine.
Chapter
Ten
MADDOX
“Something is goin’on with you,” Crista says as we enter the vegetarian restaurant near campus. “You’ve been more ornery than usual.”
I make a grunting noise as we approach the counter and I wave to Sheila. She and I went to college here at Evergreen together. She was one of the cheerleaders for the football team, one of the only people I actually liked. When she announced she’d open a restaurant one day, I told her I’d be a loyal customer. She’s known me for decades. Before I was like…this.
Sheila waves back, then comes around the counter when she’s finished helping the customer before me.
“My my,” she says as she gives me a tight hug. “It just makes my day when you come in.”
I scoff, but return her embrace. “I bet you like seeing angry ex-football players eating all your zucchini.”
“I actually love it,” she quips as she gives Crista a hug. I’ve brought her in here enough that Sheila has chatted her up as well.
When she gets back to the register, she asks, “What can I get you two?”
We place our order and have a seat after I pay. A server comes over with our drinks and I shuffle my ice around with my straw.
Crista reaches over and smooths a finger in between my eyebrows. “You’re scowling. Spill. Is it about the cutie Mika saw you chasing? You still haven’t told me who it was.”
“And I won’t,” I mutter, my eyebrows dipping again.
While I love Crista, she wouldn’t understand why Luca has my head all fucked up. Hell, I don’t understand it. Not after what?—
No. I told myself my past is a box I wouldn’t open. It’ll remain firmly closed untilIwant to open it.
Not only would she not understand, Crista would give me shit about a student catching my attention, tell me to be careful, blah blah blah. Shit I really don’t want to hear from her again.
