Chapter 18
Willa
Doug wasn’t kidding around. He didn’t talk to me outside of filming, and he didn’t text or call. I watched the next few episodes alone, with no one but my Cocker Spaniel to see me yell at the TV or cringe at the way they’d so blatantly tried to make Doug look like an idiot, while inflating Justin’s importance.
No matter how many times I stood up to Alan, I wasn’t the one editing the show or crafting the story. I’d been naive to think I’d have control.
I’d done my lyrical dance routine with Justin. Critics called it sizzling, oozing with sexual tension, and what angst looks like put to music. I only knew that because Alan read me every review he could get his hands on. He scheduled TV appearances with Justin and me together where they showed clips of the dance and coyly asked what it all meant. We’d performed a shortened version of it on The Late Show.
Everything I’d ever wanted and more was coming to fruition. Based on the viewer numbers coming in, I’d be paid very well for this season. The sponsorships and celebrity appearances were all lining up. The network was talking about renewing us for the next three seasons.
I’d never felt more miserable in my whole life.
Alan used that super awkward frozen kiss I’d given Doug. They made it look like it was a big turn off for me—the tipping point to moving my affections in Justin’s direction.
And Doug stalwartly continued on, because I’d asked him to. Maybe he was doing it all for himself now. I wasn’t sure.
He’d asked for space, but not knowing what he was thinking was killing me. What was I even doing all this for? My worries about the show tanking had lessened with all the attention we were getting, but more than ever, I wanted to fast forward through the next few years, quit the business, and run away into obscurity where I could buy privacy and tranquility. Would Doug even be talking to me at that point?
Friday night was our first live show, now that we’d whittled the contestants down to the final ten. Alan had hired security for me, thanks to some weird fan emails, so my security detail picked me up from my house and drove me to the auditorium several hours before we’d fill the place. I went through wardrobe and makeup, fielding questions and smiling until my cheeks hurt as the cameras rolled on our pre-show preparations. We now had live-streaming on the network’s website that gave super fans extra content, like watching me get my hair done. More than ever, I had to be cautious about what I said or did on camera.
Stanley came in and handed me my script for opening the show and introducing myself and the judges. I’d have cue cards, but it would be better if I knew most of it beforehand. As canned as the script was, I wouldn’t be adlibbing. It was more important to not screw this up. I went over and over the script, hearing the voice inflections in my head. I’d have to be fearless, congenial, and confident. There was no editing out mistakes.
“Hey, beautiful.” I glanced up just in time to turn my cheek so Justin could drop a light kiss there. He sat down in the swivel chair next to me and looked himself over in the mirror, running his hands through his blond hair. He didn’t come with any product in it, a request of the hair and makeup crew, but soon it would be set with so much gel it could withstand a nuclear blast.
“So, you nervous?” he asked. “Or are you like Victoria? She’s dancing around with her dog across the hall, listening to Hall and Oates. Apparently, that’s her warm up routine.”
“I’m not nervous.” I continued to read over my lines, hoping he wouldn’t ask anything else. Justin generally didn’t require a lot to keep a conversation going. He prattled on, and I smiled and nodded as needed, mostly tuning him out. However, when he asked if I’d seen Doug, my brain immediately perked up.
“I haven’t seen him,” I said as casually as possible.Because he goes out of his way to avoid me on set.
Something would have to give, but I was trying to be patient, considering I was the reason Doug decided he needed space. He’d hidden everything real about himself from me, and all I got was camera Doug. What happened to watching each other’s backs?
But I knew what had happened. I’d let him in, and he’d let me in. We’d both forgotten that everything was supposed to be fake and strategic. There was nothing strategic about making out in his apartment, despite what I’d told myself about prepping for our next on-screen kiss. I’d done it because I wanted to. I hadn’t been thinking at all, especially not about what it would do to Doug.
Clearly, he wanted out of this but there was no way out. Only forward.
I was summoned to stage right while they revved up the audience and prepared them for the show to go live.
The contestants were lined up on a long makeshift bench, getting last minute hair and makeup touchups. Seeing the level of their nerves calmed mine. Oscar gave me a hug, and I wished him luck.
I didn’t see Doug until I was striding out, holding my microphone. He sat at the elevated judge’s desk with the other two. I allowed myself a half-second to take in his fancy suit and slicked back hair. He’d been growing his hair out again.
“How are ya’ll doing tonight?” I asked, focusing on the audience.
They answered me with enthusiastic cheers.
I’d been encouraged to embrace my small-town Oklahoma roots, and I let my accent slip a little as I talked about my excitement for the show. This was all a warm up. Only the live-streaming fans would see this, and of course, everyone sitting in the auditorium waiting for the show to start.
No need for nerves yet. The only people more loyal than live-stream subscribers were the people who waited in line to get in here. Their excitement was palpable.
The camera men gave me my cue that we were starting, and the theme music blasted out, along with the show intro video shown on the big screen above.
They gave me my countdown and the butterflies kicked up a notch. This was it. Time to go live.
Doug
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Willa was the girl next door and the supermodel all wrapped in one. When she first told me she was going to be the host of her own reality show, I thought she was messing with me. I thought it wouldn’t suit her. How wrong I’d been.
