Up on stage, she was open and friendly, perky even, as she told corny jokes about Victoria’s outrageous dressing room requirements and Justin’s impromptu dance parties. The video above her head showed footage to match as she talked. I was so caught up in watching, I’d forgotten I’d be her next topic.
“Next, we have the formidable Doug Keller, my nemesis from Strength Warriors.”
Up on the screen, they showed a picture of me in my Strength Warrior’s costume with my cape billowing out behind me, sinister glare affixed. They moved to a short fight scene between me and Willa. I kicked out at her, and Willa dodged before knocking me over with her saber.
The audience obediently laughed and clapped.
“Doug, stand up and give the audience a little wave.”
I did, keeping my face serious, the way Stanley had instructed. I felt like a puppet, but this is what I’d been asked to do. This was my role: Unlovable Doug. How had Willa thought Alan would sign onto a romance between us? It wasn’t plausible. After this season, Willa would be a star, and I would go back to Strength Warriors. I’d signed a one season contract. I doubted Alan would want me to renew. I’d be a blip in Willa’s celebrity history, a costar she’d briefly dated for ratings. And that was okay. I told myself I was fine with that.
Willa moved on to introducing each of the top ten. They showed prepared clips of each of them before we went to a commercial break. Quickly, the stage crew put the contestants in position, prepping us for the big opening musical number.
I took a sip from my corporate-sponsored soda and walked up to take my place in front next to Justin. We got the countdown, and then the music boomed out. If I could get through this, the rest of the night would be easy. Well, easier. I still had to judge the contestants on live TV. They knew me well enough by now to know I’d be harder on them than I meant to, but I still didn’t like being the jerk.
I pushed those thoughts away and broke into our dance number. We’d practiced this so many times this past week, it felt easy, and I remembered to smile, to put my own Doug spin on it. The song ended and the audience stood all at once, clapping like crazy for us.
“Good job, Dougy.” Justin gave me a high-five before turning around and picking Willa up off her feet. He spun her in a circle and set her down. She laughed and waved a hand at her chest, as if out of breath. I could not be caught watching, looking jealous. I let my eyes wander past them, then I turned and chatted with an excited contestant behind me. Before we returned to our seats, I allowed one more glance in Willa’s direction, and our eyes met. Just for a moment, she looked … sad. Had I hurt her with my distance? With my unwillingness to compete with Justin?
I was afraid to step back into Willa’s vortex, but if I stayed outside of it, what was the point of having me here? I’d promised to regroup and be everything she needed. Instead, I’d been hiding from her. I remembered what she’d told me when we first started, at the photo shoot.“I need you, Doug. I need your input. You have to stop acting like a cornered cat and get invested in this thing.”
Once I settled back behind the desk, I vowed to stop feeling sorry for myself and step it up a notch. Willa introduced the first comedy sketch to be performed by four of the contestants, all guys in their late teens. They pretended to be a geriatric boyband doing a comeback tour.
It was the kind of sketch that could either be really funny or really lame. Thankfully, all four were naturally funny, which was why they’d been picked to go first.
When they finished, Willa took her microphone and turned to us. “Well, judges, what did you think?”
I leaned forward into my microphone, indicating I’d go first. “I think you look absolutely gorgeous, Willa. Your dress tonight is amazing. Would you agree, audience?”
They cheered in response, which was a relief. I was afraid I’d come off sounding smarmy, though I’d meant every word.
Willa put a hand to her hip, though she couldn’t hide her smile completely. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Doug. Now what did you think of our four here?”
“Eh, they did alright. We threw them some softball material, and they bunted it. Not bad, but nothing anyone will think too hard about.”
My backhanded compliment earned me some boos from the audience, but it didn’t matter. All I cared about was putting the sparkle back into Willa’s eyes when she looked at me. Telling her she looked beautiful was a Justin move, and I’d stolen it before he could say it.
Victoria and Justin took turns showering the group in praise, and Justin echoed my sentiments about Willa looking amazing. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but her reaction to his compliment was a little stiff—Willa in acting mode. I liked to think I could tell the difference.
Willa
With the live shows, the constant security, meetings with Alan, and the press junket starting, I had no time to spend with Doug, even if he wanted it. Which he didn’t. He seemed better than ever. His quips were spot on, and he met my teasing remarks with witty ones of his own. But we still hadn’t talked, where I was the real me and he was the real Doug, in what felt like ages, and I craved that connection. He seemed fine with letting it all slip away, and the calmer he was about it, the more I knew I was done with that. I was done being patient, and I was done with going with the flow. Time was running out.
What I was considering was downright insane, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid idiot at Owen’s wedding who thought I was Doug’s pity date. I thought about our card games, about our teasing back and forth. I thought about that kiss in Doug’s apartment. That one I dwelled on a lot more than I’d ever admit. I’d promised myself I would show us off as the greatest love story ever, and I’d failed epically. But maybe it was more important to actuallybethe greatest love story ever.
I had no script for that. No plan. No real experience with the kind of relationship where you gave everything regardless of consequences. Could I even do that? And more importantly, did Doug want that from me? At one point, I was sure he did. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
My fingers drummed across the plush leather as my security staff drove me in for another day of rehearsals. Dot sat up from my lap and looked out the window, wagging her stump of a tail. Her internal GPS told her when we arrived every day. I also suspected she liked her dog walker better than me. I didn’t blame her. I didn’t like me much either these days.
One of my security guys opened my door and walked me inside. I headed straight for wardrobe. On rehearsal days, things were more relaxed. Sometimes they approved the look I came in with, and sometimes I had to change a few things. Sassier shoes, bigger hair, a touchup to my makeup.
Once camera ready, I walked with my camera crew over to the rehearsal rooms. I stopped to chat with everyone we passed, asking them if they were nervous or what they thought of their last performance. I doled out hugs and fist bumps, trying to remember and mention personal details about each one. It was easier with only six contestants left. This alter ego of mine was exhausting, but so second nature that I’d probably start congratulating and high-fiving people in Starbucks when they got their orders.
“Frostina’s here!” Doug called out, slowly coming down the hall so his camera crew could capture his every step toward me. I loved his smile, despite how fake his charisma was. I’d tell him today. Maybe.
“Well, if it isn’t Doug.”
I went straight in for a hug, though he clearly wasn’t expecting it. After a moment, his arms came around me, and I stayed there, trying to think of a funny way to explain why I couldn’t quite let him go yet.
