‘Do you promise?’ His little lip was wobbling as he waited for her answer and she nodded, even though she was pretty certain she’d just lied to her baby boy. If Briony had left it was going to break his heart, which was the one thing she’d been so desperate to avoid. It would have been easy to try and blame her sister for that, but she’d done far too much soul searching recently to be able to fall back on laying all the blame at Briony’s door, just to make herself feel better. The truth was, even if she could convince herself that this was all down to Briony, it wouldn’t make her feel better, because her sister would still be gone and Tom’s heart wouldn’t be the only one that was broken.
Book club night had been something Bex had been determined to start after she’d made the decision to leave her job at Port Agnes Primary. Working at the school had guaranteed her regular contact with her friends. She’d been worried that once she was holed up at the farm all week, getting the campsite up and running, that she’d get out of the habit of prioritising time with her friends and she didn’t want to let that happen.
The official book club night was only fortnightly, but they inevitably made a plan to meet up in between, which meant she saw her friends most weeks. Tonight was her turn to host the get-together. Rowan was coming, along with Toni and Anna, Juliet and Lara, who were both teachers at the school, as well as Linda, and Gwen, who almost everyone in Port Agnes knew and loved. Normally Donna would be there too, and she’d said she felt well enough to come along, but Bex had told her that there was anasty cold going around and that she ought to steer clear until the next time, given that her immune system was still a bit suppressed. She’d made the virus up, but she didn’t want her mum turning up at the farm expecting to see Briony there. She couldn’t bear to admit that her sister had disappeared and she had no idea where she’d gone – but that she knew exactly why she’d left.
‘Why don’t you cancel tonight? If there’s somewhere you think Briony might have gone, we can go and check it out, even if it’s just to make sure she’s okay?’ When Matt had made the suggestion that afternoon, Bex had shrugged him off, not wanting to admit that a huge part of her was desperate to chase her sister down and drag her back to the farm, no matter what it took.
‘She’s an adult. If she wants to flounce off in a strop that’s up to her.’
‘If you tell her what you told me, I’m sure she’ll understand you didn’t mean anything by what you said to Triss.’
‘But I did mean something by it.’ Bex clenched her jaw. ‘Briony and Tristan aren’t right for each other. They’re just too different.’
‘You do know people would have said that about us when we met, don’t you? You were incredibly sceptical about getting seriously involved with someone again, and I knew from the moment I saw you that I never wanted to be with anyone but you. Sometimes things don’t make sense on paper, but they can still work out.’
‘I know my sister and she’s never going to settle down, because she doesn’t trust anyone enough to put herself in that position.’
Matt had looked at her for a long moment. ‘I remember someone else who used to be like that.’
‘Why are you working so hard to try and convince me I’ve made the wrong decision?’ Bex had shaken her head so hard it hurt. She couldn’t allow herself to consider that Matt might be right. She had to believe that her unasked-for intervention had been for the best, for both Briony and Tristan’s sakes. Otherwise, she’d not only thrown away her relationship with her sister, but stood in the way of Tristan and Briony finding happiness together. All for nothing and the thought of that killed her. The idea of going back to living her life without her little sister as part of it was too painful to contemplate. She couldn’t allow herself to believe that it was all her fault this time around, even as regret made her want to burst into tears and beg Matt to help her find Briony and put things right. She had to believe that what she’d done was for the best, a way of protecting two people she loved from hurting one another. She’d lashed out at Matt, not because of what he’d said, but because she felt guilty and she couldn’t give into that – she’d have no idea how to live with herself if Briony really was gone for good.
‘It’s got nothing to do with me trying to convince you that you were wrong, I know you only said what you did for the right reasons. All I’m saying is that if you want to go and look for Briony, I’m here to help.’
‘No.’ Her second shake of the head had been even harder, and she’d been determined to push down the regret that was threatening to overwhelm her. But this wasn’t all her fault, it couldn’t be. After all, this time Briony had been the one to run off and throw away their new start without hearing Bex out.
When Bex had moved away from Matt, towards the fridge, she’d hoped it would make it clear that this wasn’t up for debate. ‘I’ve got everyone turning up for book club in an hour and I’ve got canapes to cook, so the best way you can help is by getting Ollieand Tom settled and upstairs. Hen can watch TV with you until nine, but then he needs to get to bed too. He’s got an athletics meet after school tomorrow and he can’t afford a late night.’
‘Okay, babe, but you know you’ve only got to say if you want me to see what I can do to try and track Briony down. Triss might have some ideas about where to look too.’
‘I won’t change my mind.’ She’d said the words in a firm voice, as much to convince herself as Matt, but even as the others began to arrive for book club, she still couldn’t put her worries about her sister to the back of her mind. Briony had looked so crushed, even as she’d vibrated with barely suppressed rage when they’d had their last exchange. She wasn’t back to full health yet either, and Bex wasn’t at all confident that her sister would take proper care of herself.
‘Oh my God, something smells delicious.’ Toni’s stomach gurgled in unison with her words, as Bex ushered everyone through to the lounge.
‘I’ve gone to town a bit tonight. I’ve got bao buns, tempura prawns, Wagyu beef and katsu chicken.’
‘I think I might come round for dinner every night. Poor old Brae was having supermarket pizza with the twins tonight, and Kit will only eat margarita.’ Anna grinned. ‘It’s as predictable as the sun rising every morning.’
‘Sometimes predictability isn’t a bad thing.’ Bex might have sounded like she was still talking about food, but her mind was back on Briony, and the truth was it had never been anywhere else from the moment Tom had told her that his aunt had disappeared.
‘Really?’ Gwen pulled a face. ‘I can’t think of anything worse, especially when it comes to the bedroom.’
‘Trust you!’ Linda laughed. They all knew that Gwen wouldbring things back to a between-the-sheets discussion at every opportunity she got. She was incorrigible, but they loved her for it and the way she challenged every stereotype about a woman in her seventies.
‘Oh, come on, no one wants that, do they? I’ve been married to Barry for over fifty years and imagine how boring that would have been if it was always the same. Lights off, lie down, insert part A into slot B.’
‘No, no, no, I can’t have this discussion.’ Toni held up her hand, but she hid her smile. ‘There are some things I just don’t need to picture too clearly.’
‘Fair enough, you delicate little flower.’ Gwen laughed. ‘All I’m saying is that I’d rather have someone who keeps me on my toes, it makes life exciting.’
‘Or stressful.’ Bex hadn’t meant to join in the conversation again, especially when what she was saying had absolutely nothing to do with what happened in the bedroom.
‘Has Matt been asking you to swing from the chandelier again?’ Toni gave her a nudge, but she couldn’t even crack a smile, and before she had the chance to answer, Rowan interjected.
‘This is about Briony disappearing again, isn’t it?’
‘I just wish she wasn’t so reactive. She does things in the heat of the moment without thinking them through properly. She always has done and now she’s done a flit, while she’s still not fully recovered. She’s on her own apart from Merlin, and it’s going to stress Mum out so much too. I feel like shaking her.’ Bex could barely stand still now, her legs twitching with the urge to run out of the door to try and find her sister. She couldn’t think about anything else and she was wasting her time even trying.
‘You might want to shake her, but you want to hug her even more.’ Rowan knew her far too well. ‘And I think you should letus try and help you find her. We’ve spent the last fortnight readingDear Debbieby Freida McFadden, so we should know everything there is to know about solving mysteries. All you’ve got to do is give us the clues and we can help you work out where she might be.’
