‘They’re right.’ Matt was suddenly framed in the doorway, and he never interrupted book club night. ‘It’s obvious that it’s the only thing you can think about and you’re going to make yourself ill worrying about her. If you don’t try to find her, I will, and Triss is already driving around looking for her.’
‘I can’t lose her again.’ Bex’s eyes filled with tears, the pain made worse by the fact that she knew now that she was to blame for Briony’s disappearance and that she’d have to live with herself if they’d blown the chance to put things right. Matt held out his arms and she leant against him.
‘You won’t lose her again, sweetheart, I promise. You’ve got all of us to help, and we’ll make sure we find her.’ His words were meant to comfort her and in a way they did, but Bex could no longer contain the tears she’d been fighting so hard not to cry. She was surrounded by people who loved her and were there for her, but Briony was alone and Bex had a horrible feeling that at least some of the blame for her sister living such a solitary life lay with her too. She’d dug her heels in for years, refusing to even consider the possibility of reconciliation, when she’d had so many reasons to be grateful for what had happened and to put the past behind them. It meant Briony hadn’t felt able to come home in all those years, and now Bex had pushed her away for a second time, and she was out there all on her own again. Bex was almost certain that it had been that way for her sister the whole time they’d been apart and she had to change that, whatever it took.
All that focus on mystery-solving in the book club’s latest novel had paid dividends. It had taken them less than fifteen minutes to help Bex come up with a very short list of places to look for Briony if she was still in the Three Ports Area. All she could do was pray that her sister had been sensible enough to stay local. She still needed weekly check-ups with the consultant at St Piran’s Hospital. Surely, she wouldn’t be reckless enough to risk her health by going too far? Bex had to hope so, because if Briony had gone beyond the parameters of the area where they’d grown up, Bex would have absolutely no idea where to start looking for her. As it was, they’d come up with a shortlist of three places to try, and one stood out above all the others.
Ocean Cove had always been their escape. It was where they’d gone with their mum to scatter their beloved nan’s ashes, when they were just eight and five. Ocean Cove had also been where their mum had taken them on numerous other occasions, to cheer them up when their father had let them down again. Unlike the main beaches in the area, the cove was secluded and if you didn’t know where it was, you’d never find it. That meant it was never over-run with tourists, even in the height of the summer. It was somewhere they could go and swim, throw a frisbee, or just dig pointless holes in the sand until they felt okay again. It was completely free too, which meant their mum could always afford to take them there, even when she was having to watch every penny.
When Bex and Briony got older, they’d still hung out at Ocean Cove a lot, sometimes with friends, but more often than not just the two of them, lying on the sand, looking up at the sky and talking about life. They’d even made a ‘movie’ down there once, with a video camera Briony had managed to borrow from afriend’s parents. Bex had been about fifteen, and her sister just twelve, and they’d come up with a whole storyline, although in truth it was more or less a direct rip off ofCast Away. Briony had still been convinced she was going to make it as an actress, and Bex had been certain her sister could do anything she put her mind to. Whatever the X Factor was, Briony had it back then, but something had squashed it and suddenly Bex was terrified that it might have been her. She’d refused to listen to her sister’s warnings about Liam for almost eighteen months, when Briony had repeatedly told her that he wasn’t all he seemed to be. The two of them had always had such a close bond, and she’d allowed Liam to come between them, choosing to believe him and doubt her sister, until Briony had proven to her without any shadow of a doubt that she was telling the truth about him, but it had cost her everything.
There was no way Briony would have been able to drive Woody down on to the sand at Ocean Cove, but there was a passing place at the top of the narrow road that was closest to it. From that point the only way to get down to the beach was on foot. If Briony had headed to the cove, she’d have parked Woody in that passing place.
‘I’m going there now.’ Bex had made the pronouncement as soon as Matt and her friends had agreed that it was the most likely place for Briony to head.
‘I’ll come with you.’ Her husband had reached for her hand and although she’d taken it, she shook her head. ‘I need you to stay with the boys. Please can you serve up the food, Linda?’
‘Are you sure you don’t want one of us to come with you?’ Rowan eyes had been round with concern.
‘Thanks, Row, but I need to do this on my own.’ Bex hadn’t hesitated for another moment after that, leaving the farmhouse to a chorus of shouts of good luck. Now that it was summer, it wasstaying light until after 9p.m., so when Bex arrived on the narrow lane above Ocean Cove, there was still at least an hour’s light left. She held her breath until the passing place came into view, her heart soaring at the sight of Woody parked in the spot where she’d silently prayed he’d be. There was just about room for her to squeeze her car into the space behind it, although her front bumper was a hair’s breadth from Woody’s back bumper. She’d half-expected Briony to fling open the door of the van and start ranting at her again, but there was no sign of life, and Merlin’s deep bark was absent too. If they weren’t in the van, that had to mean they were on the beach. Unless… No, she couldn’t think like that. There had to be time to put all of this right and suddenly she was running down the rough track that led to the sand, not even slowing down when she scraped her skin against the sharp edge of one of the rocks, blood dripping down her leg.
‘Briony!’ She called out her sister’s name at least three times, but there was no response and when her breathing started to get ragged it had nothing to do with exertion of running down the track. She was starting to panic that Briony wasn’t going to be there, but then she spotted her, sitting on a rock, facing out to sea, at the far end of the cove. She quickened her pace even further, breaking into a full-blown run when her feet hit the sand.
‘Briony!’ This time when she called out her sister’s name, she turned around and it was obvious even from a distance that Briony had been crying.
‘Just go away, Bex,please. I can’t keep doing this or having the same conversation over and over again, it’s killing me.’ Briony looked desperately sad and Bex had an almost overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around her sister, but she had to resist. There were things that needed to be said before they had any chance of hugging it out.
‘In that case, we’ve got to have a conversation we’ve never hadbefore.’ Bex took a deep breath. ‘I want you to tell me everything that happened with Liam and I promise not to stop you this time. I need to hear it all, even if you did sleep with him.’
Briony looked completely shell-shocked for a moment, but then she shook her head. ‘I didn’t sleep with him, but I know you’re never going to believe that, so what’s the point?’
‘If you say you didn’t sleep with him, I believe you.’ When Bex had started the sentence her only intention had been to ensure Briony didn’t shut down the conversation, but suddenly she realised she meant it. If her sister said she hadn’t slept with Liam, shedidbelieve it. Briony was looking at her open-mouthed, and Bex knew there were still some really difficult questions she was going to have to ask to get the full story, but for the first time ever, she was truly ready to listen. ‘I just want to know what did happen, and why Liam was so convinced the two of you were in love, but most of all why you did what you did.’
‘I told you why I did it. To stop you making the worst mistake of your life.’ Briony sighed deeply, pausing as if she expected Bex to interrupt her, the way she had every other time Briony had tried to explain, but this time Bex stayed silent. After a moment or two, Briony continued. ‘I tried to tell you so many times that Liam was a cheat, and that he was going to let you down, but you just couldn’t seem to see it. I was watching history repeating itself: you fighting to be loved by a man who didn’t begin to deserve you, just like you’d done with our father. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being hurt again, or ending up with a life like Mum’s, so I had to do what it took to force you to face the truth. Whether you really believe it or not, I didn’t sleep with Liam, but I had to make him feel like I desperately wanted to, and that you were the only thing standing in our way. I had to make him want that enough to end things with you. I promised him the world and told him he was the best thing in it, teasing enough of whatwas to come for him to be willing to throw away everything he had with you, because I knew you’d never believe me otherwise.’
‘I wouldn’t have.’ As hard as it had been to hear that Briony hadn’t even needed to sleep with Liam for him to be willing to walk away from the life he’d planned with Bex, she had no doubt any more that her sister was telling the truth. Briony had begged her again and again to listen to her concerns about Liam, but she wouldn’t do it. She’d chosen to believe that Briony had deliberately set out to hurt her, because it was easier than admitting how wrong she’d been about Liam, and how easy it had been for her sister to turn his head. It had made Bex feel worthless, exactly the way their father had made her feel, and she hadn’t wanted Briony to try and explain any of that away back then. She’d wanted to wallow in the pain, so that she wouldn’t have to acknowledge her own part in any of it; how many red flags she’d ignored, and how much convincing someone like Liam propose to her had felt like validation, after all the years of rejection from her father.
‘That’s why I’m not sorry for what I did.’ Briony’s arms were folded across her chest in a defensive stance that was so like their mother’s, but for all her determined tone, there were tears rolling down her face. ‘Despite the fact it cost me our relationship, it felt like it was worth it. Especially when Mum told me about you meeting Matt, and then when the boys started to arrive. You were getting the life I always wanted you to have, and even though it hurt like hell that I wasn’t part of it, I was still glad I’d done it.’
‘Oh, Briony.’ Bex’s hand flew to her mouth. There were a thousand sliding door moments in life, most of which she’d never even know about, that had determined the course of her existence. Briony had taken one of those sliding doors and forced it open, enabling Bex to walk through it, away from a relationship that she now recognised as toxic, and onto the path that had led her to Matt and their boys. ‘I’m sorry. I should have listened andgiven you the chance to explain, and it’s cost us all so much time together.’
‘I don’t think anyone could blame you for the way you reacted, I know I didn’t.’ Briony’s voice was barely more than a whisper on the gentle evening breeze. The air around them still warm. It was going to be a humid night. ‘I always knew it might backfire on me and cost me our relationship, but I still thought it was worth saving you from the pain I knew Liam would eventually bring to your door, especially if there were children involved.’
‘I wouldn’t have my boys without you, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. After Mum’s op, I just wanted to forget what had happened and for us to move on, but I can see now it was just me being in denial again, because I don’t want to face the truth.’
‘What truth?’ Briony’s eyes widened, as if she was afraid that Bex was suddenly going to turn things around on her again, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.
‘That it was me, not you, who cost us the last sixteen years and, even worse, that it’s because of me you’re all on your own.’ The revelation knocked the wind out of Bex’s lungs, making it hard to breathe. She’d been pushing down the thought that this might be true for weeks, but it was the first time she’d said the words out loud, except when Briony had been in the ICU. There’d been no reaction from her sister then, but this time she forced herself to look into Briony’s eyes, so she could see Bex meant every word, because she did. If they were ever going to truly have a fresh start, she had to be totally honest, including with herself. This wasn’t all Briony’s fault, it never had been, and deep down Bex had known that from the beginning. It had just been easier to blame her sister than to face up to the fact that her own insecurities had almost led to her marrying a man who didn’t love her, and she’d known that deep down too. She’d just wanted to believe she could make Liam love her, the way herfather never had, and his proposal had felt like proof that she was winning a game that she should never have started playing. But if she’d expected her confession to change everything for her sister, the way it had for her, she was in for a disappointment.
‘I choose to be on my own.’ Briony hugged her arms around herself even more tightly than before, but Bex wasn’t buying it. Some people loved a life of solitude, but she’d seen how much Briony adored her nephews and how she’d lit up every time Tristan was in the room.
‘Maybe you do, but what I want to know is why?’ She scanned her sister’s face, and she could almost see the cogs working, as Briony clearly fought to come up with an explanation, but then she sighed.
‘I might have been able to see through Liam, but I couldn’t trust myself not to end up with a version of our father. I needed you there to warn me off when I was about to make a mistake, so it was easier just not to bother. I decided I’d rather be lonely on my own, than lonely in a relationship, and I know how easy it is to find yourself in that situation. We watched Mum do it, and I watched you do it with Liam. I didn’t want to risk it, and I decided the only men I needed in my life were Woody and Merlin.’
‘Well, it’s too late to go back to that now. You’ve got my boys in your life forever, whether you like it or not, and they’ll never forgive me if I don’t take you back home.’
‘They’re lovely boys, but I just bring trouble, you know that. Just let me go back to my lonely little life, because you were right when you warned Tristan off. The chances are either I’ll let him down, or he’ll break my heart, and I can’t bear the thought of either of those things happening.’ Briony sounded so defeated, as if there was no possible way she could envisage her life turning out well, and she deserved so much more than that. It wasbreaking Bex’s heart that she couldn’t see that, and she was going to do whatever it took to change her sister’s mind.
