‘Thank you!’
‘So, come on then, lovely girl. What’s going on?’ Gwen waited for a beat, but when Eve didn’t respond she continued. ‘You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to, but I’d bet my last pound on you feeling better about whatever’s worrying you, once you’ve shared it with someone.’
‘Maybe you’re right, even if you can’t do anything to change it.’ Eve squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. It had helped when she’d told Felix about how difficult things had got for Lily before she left. Maybe this would help as well and she had nothing to lose by confiding in Gwen and Meg. ‘As you know I’ve been seeing Felix and things got quite serious, or at least I thought they did.’
‘You can’t possibly doubt how much he likes you?’ Meg furrowed her brow. ‘The way he looks at you, no one could miss it.’
‘I thought he did at first, but I think it was more the thrill of the chase. When we started to get close, I told him nothing could happen because of Max, but after San Francisco…’ Heat floodedher face at the memory of how certain she’d been that things were going to change, because of the wayshefelt about Felix – the way she’d thought they felt about one another – but she’d clearly been wrong. ‘I realised that all the advice you guys gave me was right and that I couldn’t live like this any more – going along with Annie’s fantasy that one day Max would be back to his old self and we could carry on with all the plans we made before he got hurt. I didn’t realise how suffocated and trapped I felt by all of that until Felix came along. I still love Max, but not in the way I used to, and I love his family as well, but Felix made me realise I want more than that. I want the chance to be able to create a family of my own one day, but I don’t think Felix was ever on the same page. He’s gone cold on me, and now I don’t know if I can tell Annie and Nigel the truth and risk losing them too.’
‘This isn’t about Felix.’ Gwen’s tone was firm. ‘Whatever he is or isn’t thinking, or does or doesn’t want, he’s allowed you to be honest with yourself about whatyouwant.’
‘Gwen’s right,’ Meg said, earning her an‘of course I am’kind of look from the older woman, before she continued. ‘Forget about Felix, it’s his loss if he can’t see how amazing you are, although I still think you’re wrong about that. Either way he’s made you realise you can’t put your life on hold forever because of what happened to Max.’
‘I’ve just spent so long being scared of being on my own again. I know it was wrong of me to cling to Annie and Nigel because of it, but it wasn’t until I met Felix that I started to believe there really could be another life out there for me, if I had the courage to go for it. I want to move on and I feel like I’ve made a life for myself here, at the hospital, that goes beyond Max’s family and even Felix, but what if I’ve read that wrong? Where would that leave me?’
‘Of course you haven’t read that wrong, everyone at the hospital thinks you’re bloody amazing.’ Eve had never seen Meg so resolute, and Gwen was nodding along enthusiastically.
‘I think I might have got myself an apprentice.’ Gwen grinned for a moment, but then her expression grew more serious. ‘Any change can be scary and I know putting yourself out there to make connections with new people probably felt like a huge risk, but you can’t go through life afraid to take risks. Maybe Felix was only meant to be the catalyst for change, but like you said, look at all the other relationships you’ve built since starting at St Piran’s. There’s a whole world out there, Eve, and you need to grab it by the short and curlies. Otherwise, one day, you’ll turn around and find yourself in your eighties, wondering what could have been and there’s no way me or Meg, or any of your friends are going to let that happen.’
Gwen held her gaze for a moment and Eve found herself nodding slowly, the other woman’s words echoing what Lily had already said about finding the courage to make a new start. Her friends were right about Felix, though. This wasn’t about him, not really. This was about the chance for life to begin again, a new kind of life. That didn’t mean it couldn’t include Max and his family, and she really wanted it to, but it did mean the roles they all played would have to be different. She was going to make a fresh start, whatever the cost of that might be. Even though there was a part of her heart still aching because that wouldn’t necessarily include Felix, she knew she’d survive. After all, she’d already survived far worse.
21
Annie had been released from hospital and was recovering at home. She was going to be on a diet of liquid and soft foods for the next six to eight weeks, which Eve knew was going to be pretty miserable. She’d put together a big box of all the things she could think of that might make that more bearable including milkshakes, smoothies, Madagascan vanilla custard and even some sweet potato soup that Eve had made from scratch. Annie would gradually be able to build up to a wider diet, but the important thing was to take it slow. She couldn’t afford to lose more weight, the last two years having already taken their toll on her appetite and her ability to prioritise her own needs. Eve wanted to do all she could to help out, and she was still visiting Max every day, so that Annie could get some proper rest. One of the few positives was that Annie seemed to be focusing on her recovery, so that she could get back to seeing Max as quickly as possible, rather than dwelling on the fact that Brandon Moorcroft’s sentence had been upheld.
Max hadn’t asked after his mother when Eve had dropped in, but that hadn’t been a surprise. The visit had been good nonetheless, because for once Max had seemed far moreengaged in talking to her; as long as it focused on his new favourite subject – getting a dog.
‘Did you know that dogs have a third eyelid?’ He’d looked up at her as she came into the room, after going to make them both some toast in the communal kitchen at the end of the corridor. She was supposed to encourage Max to do more of that sort of thing himself, but the truth was she still liked finding small ways to make him happy, and one of his greatest pleasures in life was peanut butter on toast. Although woe betide anyone who used crunchy peanut butter, it absolutely had to be smooth. He’d once thrown a plate out of the window – toast and all – when one of the staff members had tried to insist that using crunchy peanut butter made no difference and had refused to make it again with the smooth variety. Eve knew that trying to have a debate with Max was pointless. These days, once his mind was made up, it was made up forever. Being able to do the little things, like making him a plate of toast, allowed her to feel that she was still showing Max she loved him, even if the shape of that love had changed. He was never going to be the person she’d imagined building a life with, but she still cared about him and wanted him to be happy.
‘No, I had no idea that dogs had three eyelids.’ It made Eve smile to see the look of excitement on his face. ‘What do they need a third eyelid for?’
‘It helps keep their eyes moist and protects them. They also have a nose print that’s as unique as our fingerprints, so even if you had a whole bunch of dogs you’d never have to guess which one had left a dirty mark on the window from pressing its face up against the glass. It would be as plain as the nose on its face.’ Max laughed and it made Eve laugh, too, but he was nowhere near finished with his new favourite subject. ‘I still can’t decide what sort of dog I want, but there’s a breed they have in Norway that has six toes on each paw. That would take some beating.’
‘It would. So is that the big goal then, to get a dog?’ Max had talked about it a lot over the past few months, but this past couple of weeks his interest in dogs had become his main focus, and he was spending far more time researching different breeds online than he was gaming, which Eve thought had to be a good thing.
‘I always wanted one but Mum’s allergic.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Sounds like an even better reason to get one, once I get out of here. Then she might give me a bit more peace, instead of visiting every bloody day.’
‘I can see why you might want a bit more space and time to yourself.’ The revelation hit Eve like a thunderbolt and she felt ridiculous for never having thought about it that way before. Max might have a head injury, but he was still a grown man with the right to make his own choices and live the life he wanted. None of them had ever asked him if he wanted a visit every day, they’d just assumed he had. Maybe the reason he sometimes lashed out and could be rude and disengaged wasn’t all down to the impact of his personality changing, maybe he was just sick of the sight of them. No one had ever sought his opinion, they’d all just assumed they knew best. It was time for that to change.
‘Let’s have this toast and you can tell me which dogs are at the top of your shortlist, then I’ll get out of your hair and let you get on.’ Eve settled back as Max launched into a comparison of the pros and cons of Labradors over spaniels, a renewed determination settling upon her. They all needed to start talking and being honest about what they wanted, and she was going to begin the process by telling Nigel the truth about what had gone on with Felix. Not at some arbitrary point in the future, but as soon as she saw him, later that day. She just had to hope that the shape of the love between her and Max’s family could also adapt and re-form. Either way the change was coming, and it wasn’t a moment too soon.
Annie was asleep when Eve got to the house and Nigel ushered her inside. April showers had continued into May and she’d got soaked on the short dash from the car to the front door.
‘Oh, sweetheart, you’re wet through.’ Nigel sighed. ‘You’ll catch your death like that, there are some of Annie’s things in the wardrobe in the spare room. I’m sure you’ll find something in there.’
‘I’ll dry off in a bit, I don’t want to take anything that Annie might need.’
‘Nonsense, that woman has enough clothes to open a department store. And I can’t be worrying about another one of my girls, when the other two are already giving me sleepless nights. I just hope Lily’s not having as hard a time with her pregnancy as her mum did with her, poor old Annie was sick almost every day.’
‘Lily seems to be doing brilliantly and she’s got a date for her first scan. She told me when she’s had it done, she’s going to tell you and Annie the news. Just remember you’ve got to act surprised!’
‘I will, but I might have to get practising.’ Nigel smiled. ‘It’s bad enough reading through every message I send trying to make sure I don’t give the game away about what I know. I’ve just been sending her the usual photos I take when I’m out walking, to help remind her of all the great things about Cornwall, so she might get a bit homesick and want to come home for a visit. I know that’s terrible, but I can’t help it, I miss her so much.’
‘She misses you, too, all of you, and I think she’ll want to bring the baby over here for a visit when she can, especially ifyou guys can’t make it over there.’ Eve shivered, but it was only partly because of the damp that seemed to have seeped into her bones. She just hoped she’d still be included in any family get-togethers that might happen once she’d told Nigel what she needed to say.
‘Will you go upstairs and get changed for goodness’ sake.’ His chiding was gentle, just the sort of fatherly show of affection she’d always longed for and had eventually found in Max’s dad rather than her own. ‘You’re making me cold just looking at you.’
‘I need to tell you something first.’ She locked eyes with him and his face fell.
