‘Okay, I’ll take a risk. I might even have the peanut butter brownie instead of the cheesecake.’ It was Eve’s turn to laugh, as Lily tightened her embrace.
‘I’m going to squeeze you like a tube of toothpaste if you don’t make me that promise.’
‘How can I promise you that, if I don’t even know whether it’s what Felix wants?’ Eve was glad Lily couldn’t see her face, because she’d gone hot just talking like this. Lily was the last person she should be confiding in, but the truth was she really wasn’t sure if Felix saw her as more than a friend any more. She’d pushed him away and they’d agreed to focus on friendship instead, and being there for one another at a difficult time. He’d just lost the woman he’d been in love with for years, and he was Max’s occupational therapist. There was so many reasons why they should maintain the status quo, and she was nowhere near as sure as she had been that discussing it was still what he wanted. Suddenly Lily pulled away from her and waved a hand in front of her face, making Eve blink.
‘Ah, so you’re not blind, then?’ Lily raised her eyebrows. ‘I thought you must be, if you can’t see for yourself that Felix is interested. It’s obvious. Just like I can see it written all over your face every time you look at him. Now stop playing for time and do something about it. Otherwise I’m not going to let you be godmother to this baby, and then you’ll never be an official part of this family in a way that being a godparent would definitely qualify you to be.’
‘Oh my God, really?’ Eve could feel the huge smile that had broken out on her face, all the way down to her toes.
‘Really, but only if you start living again.’
‘How can I say no to that?’ Eve couldn’t stop smiling, even when she thought about the prospect of putting herself out there and telling Felix she’d had a change of heart. After all, what was the worst that could happen? She’d already been to hell and back since Max’s assault, and even the humiliation of getting turned down flat could never come anywhere close to that.
Felix had delivered on his whistle-stop tour of San Francisco. They’d hired electric bikes and he’d taken her all over the city, including across the Golden Gate Bridge in cross winds so strong that she’d thought they might end up in the water. It had made her feel alive, having the kind of new experiences she’d put on hold since Max’s head injury. They’d been joined for a second night in a row by Lily and Scott on a night tour of Alcatraz, and Felix had recounted some of the myths and legends about the prison. He was a natural storyteller, making use of his talent for accents and the sort of comic timing that had made Eve throw her head back in laughter, in a way she couldn’t remember doing in years.
‘If you don’t ask him out, I will.’ Scott had whispered to her, when they were on the boat back over to San Francisco and she’d laughed again. Surprising herself that she wasn’t cross with Lily for talking to Scott about her feelings for Felix. Maybe it was because being here – thousands of miles away from Port Kara – made if feel like they were in a bubble that nothing else could touch. There’d been several times she’d wanted to tell Felix that she’d changed her mind and that if he still wanted more thanfriendship, then she did, too, but something had stopped her each time. She wanted to pick the right moment, so that he’d feel like he could be honest with her if he didn’t feel the same way.
On their last full day they’d spent the morning in Muir Woods, a few miles outside of the city, where the huge redwood trees had taken Eve’s breath away. She’d walked side by side with Felix, her fingers so close to brushing against his that it had felt as though electricity was pulsing between them. Yet somehow she still couldn’t bring herself to tell him how she felt. There were too many people around and she didn’t want to just blurt it out while he was driving the hire car back over the bridge to the city. Now they were back in San Francisco, and as he parked the car it felt as if time was running out.
‘What do you fancy doing with our last few hours, we could go to the—’ Felix suddenly stopped talking, his head turning sharply to the left, and when Eve followed the direction of his gaze she could see why. There was what looked like a body lying in an empty parking space, where a vehicle could pull in at any moment.
‘Do you think he’s dead?’ Eve couldn’t keep the horror out of her voice, but Felix shook his head.
‘I can see his chest moving.’ He breathed out slowly. ‘I’ve picked up fentanyl addicts from this parking lot before when I worked at the clinic. I’m going to need to try and get him some help, even if he doesn’t want it.’
‘Is there anything I can do?’
‘Come with me to the clinic. That’s if they agree to take him in and he agrees to go.’ Felix turned to look at her. ‘I haven’t been back there since everything with Meredith and I’m not sure I can face it on my own.’
‘Of course.’ Eve could see the pain etched on his face and it was a reminder of what losing Meredith had done to him. Going back to the clinic was going to be so tough on him, but Felixclearly wasn’t thinking about himself as he got out of the car and strode over to the man, and that just made her like him even more.
‘That wasn’t quite the way I’d have chosen for you to spend your last afternoon in San Francisco, and this wasn’t quite the last dinner I’d have planned for us either.’ Felix set down the pizza he’d bought, and she handed him one of the beers she’d just taken from the mini fridge in her hotel room.
‘I don’t know, this feels very authentic. Takeaway pizza and beers, with American football on the TV.’ They were watching a re-run of the most recent Superbowl and she wanted to tell him that she was just glad to be spending the evening with him, whatever that looked like. It had been a long day and their visit to the clinic had been an eye-opener. It had been heartbreaking to see the people waiting in the drop-in centre, begging for a hit of something to tide them over until they could score again. There were all kinds of addictions amongst those waiting, but the fentanyl addicts looked by far the most tortured of all the desperate souls. They needed to be numbed from reality so badly that they were willing to anaesthetise themselves, rather than feel anything at all, and it had suddenly struck Eve that, in a way, she’d been doing the same thing. She buried herself in work and her duty to Max and his mother so that she didn’t have to feel the pain of losing what they’d had together, or be forced to admit that she wanted more from life than she had now. But she didn’t want to keep pretending any more.
Max had shown her around the clinic, after the care of the man they’d found in the parking lot had been handed over tosome of his former colleagues, who’d assessed the patient to see what they could do to help.
As well as the drop-in centre, the clinic had in-patient facilities and the difference between those going through the various stages of recovery was startling. There were new admissions who were so painfully thin they were almost skeletal, with clumps of hair missing and skin so grey Eve would have sworn they were already dead if she hadn’t known better. Then there were those further down the line in their recovery, who had the life back in their eyes again, and all kinds of improvements to their physical appearance. There were none who didn’t appear physically scarred in some way by their experiences, though, and some of the recovering addicts had a condition called ‘fentanyl fold’. It was caused by the drug depressing the central nervous system, which stopped the brain from sending messages telling the body to stand upright. For some long-term users, it had led to chronic muscle weakness, as a result of spending prolonged periods bent over, and it was one of the things Felix had focused on as an OT.
Eve had been so impressed by the work being done and what Felix’s former colleagues had said about him, which had just solidified everything she’d already thought about him. Felix Grainger was a very special man and she knew now, with 100 per cent certainty, that he was worth taking a risk on.
‘If we were here for longer and it was the right time of year, I’d have taken you to a proper game.’ Felix flipped open the lid of the pizza box and handed it to her. They were sitting side by side on the sofa in her hotel room and there were nerves bubbling in the pit of her stomach, because she knew it was now or never.
‘I’d have no idea what was going on.’
‘Even after all the time I spent living here, I still don’t really know, but it’s the whole atmosphere that’s brilliant. Although,I’ve got to admit that baseball is my favourite and the season’s just got underway.’
‘That’s like rounders, right?’
Felix laughed. ‘Whatever you do, don’t let any Americans hear you make that comparison.’
‘Okay, so is it like cricket? Because to be honest, I’d rather watch paint dry.’
He laughed again. ‘Talk like that will get you deported.’
‘I kind of wish we didn’t have to go home at all.’ It was something else Eve hadn’t meant to say out loud. ‘At least not yet.’
‘So do I.’ He looked at her and the frisson of nerves in her stomach went into free fall.
