‘Like shit.’
‘That’s probably to be expected.’ Eve exchanged a look with Felix, and he seemed as relieved as she felt that Sophie appeared to be so lucid. ‘Did you take anything apart from the paracetamol and vodka?’
‘No, I didn’t want to get high or wasted, I just didn’t want to be here any more. I’m not a bad person.’ Sophie’s voice was raspy, no doubt as a result of the tube that had been inserted into her throat to pump her stomach, and there were dark smudges of mascara under her eyes, but agony was written all over her face too.
‘I know and whatever you might have heard us saying, we weren’t judging you, I promise. We just want to try and understand what drove you to this.’
‘Carter’s father was someone I met when I was staying out all night, finding a bed wherever I could, to avoid going home because of Mum’s boyfriend.’ Sophie shuddered. ‘When she found out I was pregnant, she called me a slut and kicked me out. I wanted to do things so differently for Carter, and I was in a mother and baby foster placement for a bit, then in supported lodgings. I was happy because I had Carter and that was all that mattered. But when I got to eighteen, I had to find my own place to rent and that’s when it all started to fall apart. The last year has been like hell, and I’ve just had enough of this life. I can’t do it any more.’
‘I know it feels like that’s never going to change, but I promise you, it can. I’ve seen it lots of times before.’ Felix moved closer to the bed as he spoke. ‘I worked at an addiction crisis centre and I supported people who never believed they could get their lives back on track, repair their relationships with the people they cared about, or become full-time parents again, but I promise you all of those things are possible.’
‘I’ve got no one. I wish I knew where to find my dad, but Mum made sure there was no chance of us ever having a relationship. There’s not one person apart from Carter who cares if I live or die.’
‘I do.’ Eve grasped Sophie’s hand all the tighter.
‘So do I.’ Felix stood at her other side, his voice firm but gentle at the same time. ‘You thanked us last time we met and we said it was what we were here for, but we don’t sit by the beside of just anyone. Neither of us are working today, but we’re here because we both care about what happens to you, Sophie, and neither of us want you to give up. If Carter is worth fighting for, you’ve got to fight with all you’ve got.’
‘I’d die for him.’ Tears were rolling down Sophie’s face and as Felix took a tissue from the stand by the side of the bed and gently wiped them away, the feelings that Eve had been trying to suppress for him rose even closer to the surface.
‘Carter needs you alive. I know it must feel impossible right now, but there’s lots of help and Domusamare is one of the best places to access that.’ Felix’s tone was warm and reassuring. ‘You’ve just got to let them keep trying to help you, so that you can keep trying too. Eventually it won’t feel impossible any more. It might never be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.’
‘Will they take me back?’ Sophie’s eyes were like two dark pools, in the pallor of her face, her fear at how Felix might respond reflected in them.
‘I’ve already spoken to Henry and he said there’s a place for you, as soon as you’re well enough to go back.’
‘Thank you,’ Sophie whispered and, as she closed her eyes again, Felix turned to look at Eve.
‘You’re amazing.’ She mouthed the words to him, unable to keep them in, but he shook his head. Leaving her wondering if it was just the compliment he didn’t feel able to accept, or whether the problem was that he didn’t want to hear it from her.
It had been a huge relief to discover that Sophie wasn’t showing any signs of sustaining lasting damage from the overdose. She’d been incredibly lucky that she’d got to the hospital so quickly. It had been a narrow escape and Eve hoped it really had been enough of a wake-up call for Sophie to accept the help that was being offered. For now, she’d been admitted for a further twenty-four-hour observation period and Eve finally felt able to leave her once she’d fallen asleep.
‘You must be starving. I know I am.’ Felix turned to her as they crossed the car park to where he’d abandoned his car the night before. ‘We never got our Chinese and the crisps we bought from the vending machine just aren’t cutting it any more. Although thank goodness it also sells toothbrushes and toothpaste, otherwise after three packets of cheese and onion crisps, you might have insisted I drive with the windows open.’
‘I would have done, although seeing as my flavour of choice was Thai sweet chilli, I’d hardly have had room to talk. Real food does sound good, but it’s three o’clock in the morning. I don’t think we’re going to find anywhere open yet. Even that café in Port Kara that opens for the fisherman doesn’t start doing breakfast until fivea.m.’
‘Luckily for you, I know a place that does.’ Felix grinned and a part of her wanted to say thanks but no thanks, after the way he’d reacted when she told him she thought he was amazing. The trouble was, an even bigger part of her wanted to talk to someone about the feelings that Sophie’s overdose had brought up for her. The truth was she didn’t just want to speak tosomeoneabout it, she wanted to speak to Felix.
‘Okay, why not?’ She shrugged and, on what turned out to be a very short journey, they talked about the hope they both shared that Sophie had turned a corner. Eve was just about to tell him about something Sophie had said that had really struck a chord with her, when he brought the car to a stop outside a set of six purpose-built apartments, on the edge of Port Kara, all of which had a view of the sea. ‘Is this your place?’
‘It is. I’m just renting at the moment, because I needed to find somewhere while the sale of my apartment in California was still going through, but the landlord has said he’d be willing to sell it to me, if the price is right. It’s been a great opportunity to try before I buy and I love it.’ He looked at her as she hesitated, seeming to pick up on the fact that she suddenly felt apprehensive about being alone with him, but probably not for the reasons he thought. ‘It’s all right, I promise my only intention is to cook you breakfast.’
More’s the pity.The unwanted words were screaming in her head, but thank God she hadn’t said them out loud. Although she still hadn’t made a move to get out of the car either and he clearly felt the need to offer her further encouragement.
‘I can guarantee you that the breakfast will be cracking, because growing up with a mother like mine, I became an expert at cooking for myself at a very young age.’
Eve finally managed to shake off the feeling that going into Felix’s house for breakfast might be a mistake and she smiled.‘I’m sure you did, but I’m quite easy to cater for. A couple of slices of toast and I’m anyone’s.’
What the hell was wrong with her? She had to turn away and open the passenger door, just so he wouldn’t see her face turning beetroot, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hear his response.
‘Good to know.’
As it turned out, Felix didn’t serve up a couple of slices of toast and the mug of builder’s strength tea that Eve would genuinely have been happy to settle for. He’d made delicious waffles and pancakes from scratch, with fresh berries and creamy yoghurt. He’d also served up the lightest and fluffiest scrambled eggs Eve had ever tasted, on toasted sourdough, with roasted vine tomatoes.
‘That was lovely, thank you,’ Eve said, as they sat at the table which in daylight would have had a direct view across the balcony and out to sea. In the darkness it was like looking out onto an expanse of black velvet covered in golden stars. Either way it was beautiful.
‘I like cooking for someone other than myself. I miss that.’ Felix sounded wistful and Eve turned to look at him, knowing that what had happened with Sophie must have triggered a lot of difficult feelings for him.
‘It must have been hard seeing Sophie like that tonight.’
